Court of the Ginger King: Grunge - Guilty of Fraud
Welcome back, CoS readers! We’re here with another pending argument from the Ginger King himself. If you recall last week, there was quite the debate between our readers and writer Russell Michniak over the validity of Southern rock. Things got a lil’ crazy, but no worries, we actually want that to happen! So, here we are with another round of screaming and hollering. As a fan of grunge music myself, let him have it, folks!
-Michael Roffman, Editor in Chief
Originally, I was going to say Grunge killed music, but I think that might be giving too much credit to a small blip on the musical landscape. So, let’s go about it another way. How about this? Grunge was a complete waste of time on multiple levels. That sounds better and like last time, we’ll keep it to the lists…
1. The reason for its popularity was an overreaction to a fucking fad.
Just like people who get tired of eating the same food every day, listeners can get tired of the same music (unless they are coked up and having sex with Tawny Kitaen on the Sunset strip).
That’s right, the main reason people grabbed onto Grunge and those bands were able to put down the drugs long enough to make demos was 80’s hair metal. Pretty pathetic. I enjoy some Winger just as much as the average Joe, but few music fans or critics will truly defend hair metal to their deathbed. At least punk had progressive rock and concept albums!
So yes, Grunge tried to do the whole “simple music with meaningful lyrics geared to end the music industry and fuck shit up with the establishment”, but being the cyclical reaction to hair metal wasn’t exactly a good start.
2. The poster boy of the genre and movement was a pussy.
Many people love Kurt Cobain. His music speaks to them. They loved him when they were younger, and he inspired people to play power chords for the rest of their lives.
Too bad he was a colossal pussy.
I’m not condemning suicide as a way to go out, but let’s be serious here. Ian Curtis killed himself, but it was before their popularity. His wife and kid left him, he knew what he would become (an American rock star), and these are understandable things to end yourself over.
Cobain was already an MTV darling, a platinum record selling artist, and his wife was going to suck off his teat as long as she could. Either Cobain orchestrated the whole timing of his death to hopefully be remembered forever or he thought he was a sellout and couldn’t handle it. (No matter how many drugs you take, after the fifth or sixth music video, you are technically a sell out)
Speaking of Courtney “Jizzjar” Love, she is the main reason he was a pussy. He let her live and to a greater extent, he let her win. Cobain was smart enough to know she was going to capitalize on everything Nirvana related, that she was going to fuck up their kids, and she was going to ruin whatever else she got her grubby hooves onto. Knowing all that, he owed it to the world to not let that shit happen.
Roll call of music geniuses taken before they could become really old and forgotten:
- Hendrix - Drugs, black and left-handed.
- Lennon - Assassinated for still unknown reasons, which is kind of badass.
- Ian Curtis - See Above.
- Bob Marley - Obscure disease, made anti-white people music popular to whites
- Elvis - Completely stopped giving a fuck, and that is kind of cool.
- Old Dirty Bastard - Drugs, and he broke down the society-imposed barriers between pretty girls and ugly girls and why both are pretty to him anyway.
- Cobain - Courtney Love’s vagina combined with worries about being a sell out made him kill himself.
3. Flannel was used as a trendy ironic clothing choice.
I am usually all for music movements providing hilarious fashion senses, but there was a time when kids in urban cities were walking around in tattered jeans and flannel shirts because they were sooooo grunge. Fuck that shit. If you wear flannel, you listen to music you can chop wood too, not the music your rebellious kid (who happens to hate that you chop wood) listens to.
4. The 90’s sucked musically and Grunge is the most critically accepted genre of anything that came out of that decade.
Feminist rock (Lilith Fair), alternative pop (Weezer), the first wave of boy bands and packaged pop stars (not going to name them), mainstream rap and hip hop (I’m personally more East coast), and one hit wonders a plenty. These all are okay links in the musical chain, but grunge is somehow regarded as this diamond of achievement.
Next time you listen to your iPod, how much of what you are listening to is from the 90’s? Almost nothing if you are still progressing as a music listener. Let’s say you are super cool and listen to vinyl because they sound so organic. Do you own any vinyls from 90’s bands? I doubt it.
Stop fooling yourself and just admit the 90’s were a weak musical decade and grunge was just a “little” different. This is not a reason to hold something up above everything else.
5. Sorry, but grunge did not change shit on the musical landscape.
The late 80’s and early 90’s were a magical time in music. There were bands of men who roamed concert halls across middle America, wearing makeup like women and bringing this crazy, new music known as “metal” to suburbia. One such band was called Ratt. Also, music critics and college students celebrated this new thing called “indie music” and they created zines to publicize their love of bands like REM and the Talking Heads. Why? Because they weren’t covered by the mainstream press. Because of their weird lyrics and discordant sounds. Even more peculiar was this idea of groups of men, who didn’t play any instruments, coming together and dancing in unison. They called themselves things like The New Kids on the Block. In clubs, hard beats and dance sounds known as “House” music appealed to all different kids across the country.
But present day is also an interesting time in music. Bands of young men roam concert halls across middle America wearing mascara and pastels and bring this new music called “punk” to suburbia. They have crazy names like My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy. Music critics and college students celebrate “indie rock” on blogs to publicize their love of bands like Vampire Weekend and TV on the Radio, also because these bands bring new things such as odd lyrics and discordant sounds. Furthermore, today we have men like Justin Timberlake who choose to forego instruments for dancing in unison. And in clubs today, hard beats and dance sounds known as “Electronica” appeal to different kids across the country.
The fact of the matter is that Grunge didn’t change the musical landscape. It was simple chords combined 
with very emotive singing and all the other shit it just imagined. All Grunge did was inspire people to delve further into music and eventually lose interest in grunge. As a whole, it was just a small little trend in a long history far more interesting.
And for you kids out there still clinging onto grunge as the music of your youth or the music that inspired you to pick up a guitar, I hope you enjoy all the post-grunge bands out there like Nickelback and Puddle of Mudd.
The main thing grunge does is let asshole music critics throw yet another genre term into reviews and articles. So, if I could say a word to the genre, thanks for making my job easier and for wasting my time by purporting to be more important than you actually are.
Court adjourned.
Check Out:
Homer Simpson’s “new” grunge band
Ian Curtis also had epilepsy and had frequent seizures onstage during Joy Division’s live shows. In fact, they were so bad, people began to believe they were intentional parts of the show that he fell into a heavy depression as well as withdrew from life, especially after his wife left him.
She also suffered a miscarriage too, and that put the cherry on the cake for Curtis at 23 years old.
This was a fun article.
I don’t think the…uh…television really knows who he’s dealing with.
Damn I can’t argue much anything on here. I’v never had much respect for the genre since it did nothing for the musical landscape. Although calling kurt cobain a pussy was a bit much. The first wave of ablsolutley amazing grunge bands did effectively kill the arena rock BS they however lost what they stood for when cobain and staley died. And so now were left with the primadona that is chris cornell.
Russell,
You are a fag. Jay Ziegler, this was not a fun article.
Wow! I am glad I got that off my chest! And, I’m also glad that people in the 90’s could listen to music that indulged their depressed collective sub-concious. Everyone was pissed off and the only thing they had to listen to were pseudo-Bowies minus the irony and a glistening fury of cock-tease pop idols.
“The duty of youth is to challenge corruption.”
Kurt Cobain
Grunge was a change in tone, not music. The reason everyone was on their ass when Cobain died was exactly what you said, he was a “pussy” who made the choice to die instead of completely sell out by living a normal life. Aka, the transition from young revolutionary to rich father. Now, hop on by Target and by a t-shirt from every band you mentioned in your article. Also, check out the new episode of “Former Rock God spoils his children and lives in an eccentric and contrived fantasy land” on MTV2. Its on after Sweet Sixteen.
“I’ve always had a problem with the average macho man - they’ve always been a threat to me.”
Kurt Cobain
Interesting! A backlash on the idea of masculinity, the very crux of most relevant male musicians. You know, Puddle of Mudddd, Nickleback, Nine Inch Nails, Marylin Manson, Emo, indie rock, and everything that has come out of England ever.
I don’t listen to grunge, and I don’t buy 90s albums, but when American music’s chest was ripped apart with boredom, it turns out its heart was still beating. Grunge.
???? Nine Inch Nails= Nickleback ????????? explain. Oh and the everything that has come out of england ever was the dumbest thing iv ever heard. Uh Radiohead, Smiths,clash need i go on…. or really most indie. And Im pretty sure J was being sarcastic…. But like I said grunge had a chance to be something more and when kurt and lane offed themselves the genre faded and slid into this power pop bullshit we hear on the radio.
Blake,
You are a homophobic grunge fan.
I happen to love grunge, but just like Tyler Durden said in “Fight Club,” you don’t know someone until you fight them. The same can be said here. This was fun because Russell brings up great argumentative points and a worthy adversary is always fun to argue with…whether you like their side of things or not. (Think Batman vs. The Joker)
On top of that, I’m sick to death of Kurt Cobain’s martyrdom. The guy was a depressed twenty seven year old decent songwriter who hated life. He didn’t kill himself to “preserve good music.” That’s the biggest bucket of bullshit I’ve ever heard. He killed himself much like any other unhappy, depressed person would do: he had nothing left in the world for him anymore. Suicide isn’t the answer, but damn, I’m sick of these “indie” assholes waving his death around like a badge of honor.
Nirvana wasn’t the only grunge band…yes, grunge was a corporate label to issue onto the Seattle scene, even though the big four all had different sounds.
Soundgarden = old school heavy Black Sabbath influenced riffs
Pearl Jam = soulful 60’s rock, in the style of CCR and The Velvet Underground
Alice In Chains = practically heavy metal with haunting melodies
Nirvana = a poppy version of Black Flag and The Melvins…thrown in some Beatles.
>>>“I’ve always had a problem with the average macho man - they’ve always been a threat to me.”
Kurt Cobain
Interesting! A backlash on the idea of masculinity, the very crux of most relevant male musicians. You know, Puddle of Mudddd, Nickleback, Nine Inch Nails, Marylin Manson, Emo, indie rock, and everything that has come out of England ever.>>>
Yes, bands like the Thompson Twins, George Michael, The Clash, The Sex Pistols, The Beatles, Wham!, Culture Club, The Kooks, Pink Floyd and many many many other bands are simply too masculine for their own good. Right. Good call…not!
You have great strength, but piss ass balance. Decent argument, but full of holes. God forbid we attack the things we enjoy out of life. Good article Russell…I love grunge music, but I love also to hear a different viewpoint from it once in a while.
I’m real conflicted, 18 yo Luke didn’t have a problem with my article, I’m happy my effort against grunge was respected by grunge fans such as Jay and Mike(I hope every article is fun and gives them a counterpoint) but then I was called a fag by Blake, so it must be opposite day or something.
Also, what constitutes an average macho man? Hopefully, Blake the philosopher can answer that.
Russ is an agent of chaos.. like me! And you know the thing about chaos is… it’s free!
this guy is a complete moron. It’s great that you want to be the howard stern of cos but like him your just a moron. Kurt Cobain’s a pussy. ooooh how shocking. So much for your talented writers on this site
Actually the point of the article is to debate a common thought among music. Even though I argued his last one at least I was articulate so instead of being a faggy troll lets see if you have enough IQ to actually debate someone.
I am going to disagree with the 90’s as a total shit decade for music. Russ admit it the big 4 of grunge were good (ok relevent in musical terms) and as blake said they did change the tone of music. Wether or not that is a good thing right now is your judgment. Personally I hate how it spawned Emo and mindless ass rock with Nickleshit.
The 90’s had landmark albums and music changing bands. After Alice In Chains stopped, Eddie Vedder calmed down, Soundgarden disbanded, and Kurt killed himself it left bands like Live and Bush to fuck up what GOOD bands did. However there were bands like Radiohead,My Bloody Valentine, and The White Stripes to continue and IMPROVE on what grunge had.
To continue with the whole 90’s a shit decade argument. The 90’s yeilded a return to soaring melodies and cryptic lyrics with OK Computer, a return to hardcore with a thought with At The Drive In’s “Relationship of Command”, it also saw the rise of hip-hop with Dre, Pac, Biggie, Tribe, and Jay-Z. Fuck even the over-the-top egos of Billy Corgan and the gallager brothers released albums that are always put on “best albums lists” in Siamiese Dream and Definetly Maybe/(What’s The Story) Morning Glory.
So as far 90’s sucking as a musical decade, I diagree however people making grunge out as musical saviors from the Ratt’s of the world are full of shit and will be tried in the court of the ginger king…lol.
Oh also showed a return to garage rock with The White Stripes and a HUGE return to lo-fi with Pavement, Neutral Milk Hotel, and Guided By Voices.
hahah, Todd thought I was trying to be shocking, hilarious, and I’m trying to be like Howard Stern, also hilarious. As for Luke, I don’t ever acknowledge credit for something I’m arguing against, it breaks the whole mythos of the “Ginger King”, but the 90s being weak I do believe, but you have to understand it is weak to the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s. All the 90s did was to continue further on ideas or bring back trends. I look forward to hearing you attempt to critique my upcoming articles.
eh 80’s is debatable… it was hard to find something i disagreed with enough to argue with so i took that one and ran with it.
you love to argue don’t you?
who doesn’t?
I am in agreeance with all of the article until I noticed not one mention of Alice in Chanis or Soundgarden. I discredited this article now!
I did with laynes death and chris cornell being a bigger ego than kanye. And yes he is that big a dousche.