MTV adds trash talk to already flourishing music coverage?
Lets be honest. It’s been a long time since MTV has been relevant in the world of music. Sure, the cable network turned media conglomerate revolutionized the relationship the music industry as we knew it when it launched way back in 1981. But the days of MTV as the source of music info, or even music in general for that matter, are long gone.
The afternoons of Carson Daly and TRL filling our T.V. screens with 90 minutes of programming that actually made music videos cool and the end of hour news updates from John Norris have been replaced by television shows that reflect the worst of American society. Nowadays, the few who still turn on MTV are hard-pressed to find any sort of content that actually reflects the first word of the channel’s name.
Music Television?
HA.
So when something like James Montgomery’s article, “Bold Lollapalooza Predictions,” shows up, you can’t help but ask, “what the hell is wrong with these people?” The piece attempts to provide 10 “witty” predictions for this weekend’s Lollapalooza, mixing inside jokes with satirical jabs at some of the festival’s scheduled performers. Only in the end, not only does it fail in offering any form of actual humor, but presents a rather unsettling representation of just how out of touch MTV is with the rest of music.
Prediction #1: Lollapalooza Mastermind (and psychotropic drug enthusiast) Perry Farrell will wander Grant Park wide-eyed and shirtless, play a DJ set of some form and pass out somewhere in Michigan. This will all probably happen by the time Radiohead take the stage on Friday. Actually, it’s probably happening right now.
Prediction #2: Kanye West will fail to mention the fact that Lollapalooza takes place in his hometown of Chicago, because people don’t really seem to care about that sort of thing. This is my mortal, lead-pipe lock for the weekend.
Prediction #3: Rage Against The Machine’s incendiary screeds against evil, multinational corporations that trample human rights and blot out cultural diversity in a never-ending quest for increased profit margins and lower bottom lines will sound totally awesome broadcast live … from the AT&T Blue Room and direct to your mobile phone!
Prediction #4: Barack Obama will make an appearance at the fest, though it won’t be to introduce Kanye or Wilco, as many are predicting. Rather, he’ll be on hand to catch the 12:15 set by electronic duo Holy F—, because he “loves their spazzy, frantic live performances and glitchy, noisy low end.”
Prediction #5: Not to be outdone, presumptive Republican nominee John McCain will also show up at Lolla, but only because he mistakenly believes VHS or Beta to be a hot-button issue with the American public.
Prediction #6: The number of bands with the word “black” in their name (at first glance, three — Black Lips, Black Keys and Black Kids) will be far greater than the number of actual black people in attendance, by a wide margin.
Prediction #7: In 2015, one of the dudes in Innerpartysystem will be staring out of a window in an Ohio office park, drinking coffee out of a Styrofoam cup and muttering to no one in particular that he was once in a band that played Lollapalooza. The woman vacuuming nearby will smile and nod. It will be an hour before he speaks again.
Prediction #8: Temperatures in Grant Park will soar so high that translucent pop-chanteuse Duffy will suddenly burst into flames. This will somehow only improve her music.
Prediction #9: At some point during the weekend, I will call my wife and complain about any (or all) of the following: the heat, the dust, the cost of food, the selection of food, the distance between the hotel and the venue, my co-workers, the bands I’ve been forced to watch, the bands I’ve been forced to miss, walking, sweating, my shoes, my shorts and Chicago in general. I will also begin to consider that I am a terrible person.
Prediction #10: During his Saturday-night headlining set at the Perry stage, DJ Momjeans (a.k.a. Danny Masterson, the dude who played Hyde on “That ’70s Show”) will abruptly stop whatever record he’s playing, think to himself “My God … I am a total douche,” and suddenly realize that his life is meaningless and none of this matters in the slightest. He will then curl up on in a ball on the floor, eyes vacant and wide. Never blinking. Never. The same will possibly (hopefully) happen during Louis XIV’s Friday afternoon set.
The most ironic part about this whole thing? Montgormery works for a company that made it’s living promoting untalented artists. The Britney’s, the Jessica’s, the Fall Out Boy’s, and all the other names who were solely the product of record industry/MTV hype rather than actual talent, made the company its millions in the 90s.
Still even then, MTV was still in the music business. Now they aren’t, and Montgomery’s bashing of folks and musicans who ARE, makes his comments even all that more jaw-dropping. If he was the “expert” that he actually claims to be, he would realize this.
But then again, when you’re under the MTV umbrella of perception, maybe your judgment is a little lackluster. After all, just look at what accompanies the end of the piece…
Self-promotion is a beautiful thing.
Theoretically, I share your vitriol. But #5 made did make me chuckle.
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I wonder if Montgomery is a wizard in the Ku Klux Klan.
What a dick!
Looks like somebody’s jealous of Fuse’s daily coverage of one of the biggest music festivals in the country.(I imagine MTV as the jealous blonde cheerleader, VH1 as the ugly friend who laughs at her jokes and Fuse as the brunette cheerleader nemesis)
3 made me laugh a little, but then again assholes making crazy lists poking fun at things are always entertaining.
“Prediction #6: The number of bands with the word “black” in their name (at first glance, three — Black Lips, Black Keys and Black Kids) will be far greater than the number of actual black people in attendance, by a wide margin.”
I wonder if Montgomery is a wizard in the Ku Klux Klan
What a dick!
whats is he? 100 years old?
he obviously didnt do his research, because RATM isn’t being broadcasted on AT&T blueroom. i want to punch him.
“The number of bands with the word “black” in their name (at first glance, three — Black Lips, Black Keys and Black Kids) will be far greater than the number of actual black people in attendance, by a wide margin.”
What ass bags… MTV is easily THE most racist form of television to date. WOW.
MTV never does their research what do you expect? MTV assumes “Hey were called Music Television, WE MUST BE RIGHT!”
MTV is that obnoxious person you know who, while in their late twenties, is still stuck in high school like that is the be all and end all of life experiences.
No matter how hard they try, MTV will never again be the source for music.
Everyone is right, obvs. But this list is kind of funny.
I found #5 hilarious. So funny!
By the way Alex, for those of us “older folk,” MTV was not cool when TRL started. By then, the channel only played 15 videos a day (max), which is better than now of course.
Remember Matt Pinfield and the later years of “120 Minutes”? Now that was good music television! There was some show after “120 Min” for a while that was really good as well, but I don’t even remember what it featured at this point…