List ‘Em Carefully: The Top 10 Non-Existent Songs
Everybody loves a good movie, especially when the film is about music, making music or being in a band. This just makes the whole viewing experience all the more exciting. Though some of these band flicks tend to trivialize the creative process, or even the entire industry, some of them actually end up being pretty mediocre to okay. What’s more is that sometimes the songs that these fictional characters write up are also half decent.
Keep in mind, however, that the songs do not actually exist. Since fictional characters write them, they are simply figments of the imagination beyond their usage in the film. Don’t think you are going crazy; the world is a confusing place. I know it’s a difficult concept to fathom, but if you want to hear these tunes, you’ll have to watch the movies again . . .
10. “Whoop That Trick” – Written in the film Hustle and Flow (2005) by DJay
…Actually written by Al Kapoone
Who doesn’t love a good old fashioned song about hitting your prostitute when she gets out of line? I know I do. And if you’re like me, then you’ll like all the fine tunes found in this family film about the average working man, just trying to get by. I particularly enjoy the metaphor he creates for himself as a pimp in “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp”. I think it is so neat that we are using the word pimp to describe things nowadays.
9. “Somebody Kill Me Please” – written and performed in the film The Wedding Singer (1998) by Robbie Hart
…Actually written by Adam Sandler and Tim Herlihy
I loved this movie. I’m a huge Sandler fan, mostly his earlier work i.e. Billy Madison and Happy Gillmore, but this movie is another great example of his stupid-smart craft. Adam Sandler set the par pretty high for comedic acoustic songs with “The Channukah Song,” but he almost outdoes himself with this one. It was quite a shocker the first time I saw the movie, as the song transforms from an upbeat love ballad to an all hating angry one. Very clever, very fresh. I also love the preface, “I just want to warn you, when I wrote this song I was listening to the Cure a lot.”
8. “Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight” – Performed in the film This Is Spinal Tap (1984) by Spinal Tap
…Actually written by Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, Rob Reiner and Harry Shearer
There really isn’t much funnier than an 80’s metal band severely past their prime, singing a song about sexual relations with a little girl. Yeah, that about covers comedy for me. The best part, the band performed actual concerts and went on to become The Folksmen (mentioned later) in Christopher Guest’s equally genius A Mighty Wind. Yeah, Guest might be one of the greatest comedic minds of our time, and a he’s also great songwriter.
7. “A Kiss At the End of the Rainbow” – Performed in the film A Mighty Wind (2003) by Mitch & Mickey
…Actually written by Michael McKean and Annette O’Toole
Oh what do you know, Guest again. This song is great simply because if it weren’t in the film, it wouldn’t be difficult to convince people that it is actually a long-forgotten folk song from the 1960’s. I mean honestly, this is a GREAT song. The only thing that makes it funny is the context of the film and the fact that it hit the nail so hard on the head that it’s almost impossible to believe it isn’t real. If you haven’t seen this movie, SEE IT, along with all the other ones.
6. “Fever Dog” – Performed in the film Almost Famous (2000) by Stillwater
…Actually written by Peter Frampton, Cameron Crowe, and Nancy Wilson
Pretty cool song. I remember watching the movie and thinking that Stillwater was pretty, you know, rad. Pretty rock n’ roll. Jason Lee and Mark Kozelek (Red House Painters, Sun Kil Moon) in a band together can do no wrong.
5. “Lose Yourself” – Written and performed in the film 8 Mile (2003) by Jimmy “B-Rabbit” Smith
…Actually written by Eminem
Placed at #166 in Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Songs of Alll Time list, this song really is pretty undeniably amazing. Too bad it isn’t real. It would have sold many a record.
4. “Big Bottom” – Performed in the film This is Spinal Tap (1984) by Spinal Tap
…Actually written by Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, Rob Reiner and Harry Shearer (aka Spinal Tap)
Ok, so there’s one thing funnier than an 80’s metal band severely past their prime, singing a song about sexual relations with a little girl: that same band singing about a girlfriend’s ass. “How could I leave this BEHIND?” A definite roflcopter for the ages. All hail Christopher Guest.
3. “Old Joe’s Place” – Performed in the film A Mighty Wind (2003) by The Folksmen
…Actually Written by Christopher Guest, Michael McKean and Harry Shearer (Aka The Folksmen)
Just hilarious. So corny and silly, just a perfect Satire of the whole genre. Love it. “Ea Ah Oe’s”
2. “Falling Slowly” – Written and Performed in the film Once (2007) by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
…Actually written by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
A truly beautiful song, plus winning best original song at last year’s Academy Awards did it some justice. The scene when it is first played in the movie is a real moving one.
1. “That Thing You Do” Written and Performed in the film That Thing You Do! (1996) by The Wonders
…Actually written by Adam Schlesinger of Fountains of Wayne
So damn catchy. So many “ooohs,” So many “ahhhs.” Undeniably awesome. I heard this song as a child and have never gotten it out of my head, but really, do I want to? I wish this band existed in the real world, they’d be compared to The Beatles and The Monkees. They should have gone with their original spelling, The Oneders, to fit in with those guys. And also, Tom Hanks!
But let’s not forget . . .
“Inside of You” performed in the film Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) by Aldous Snow (Infant Sorrow)
. . . Actually written by Jason Segel
and the equally great
“Dracula’s Lament” performed in the film Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) by Peter Brenner
. . . Actually writen by Jason Segel
I don’t know if I agree with your criteria of what defines a “real” song. Yeah…they were written by somebody in a movie…but they were also written by somebody in real life and seeing as they are indeed songs, that would make them real songs.
But I see what you are trying to do and it’s a good list. But even with your definition of “real” I would say that “Lose Yourself” is stretching it. It was written and performed by a “real” person. The fact that it was made for a movie doesn’t change that.
I’d agree with Mr. Mike about “Lose Yourself”, that one had me scratching my head, as well.
whoa whoa whoa Where is Marky mark???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3f8nL_fmDCo&feature=related
If we’re going with the abysmal movie Rock Star, I actually like that other slow, “And We All Die Young”. That song was pretty rockin’, at least as rockin’ as one song can get for a movie based on Judas Priest.
You’re definitely forgetting The Soggy Bottom Boys from O Brother, Where Art Thou? Also, any of the songs from Velvet Goldmine by the Venus In Furs (which is actually Thom Yorke, Jonny Greenwood, and others). High Fidelity too, with that band that those kids who try to rip off John Cusack’s store are in.
If you’re going to include “Lose Yourself”, which is by a real person who happens to be in a movie (you can also hear the song all over the radio), you might as well include “Ninja Rap” by Vanilla Ice in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze. And I’ve never heard that one on the radio.
I think the song Pop Goes my Heart that Schlesinger did for Music and Lyrics was even better than that thing you do. The movie maybe not so much, but its worth it just for that song alone.
the rock star songs should have been considered, agreed. (horrible film however). also, in reference to “lose yourself” do i have to fucking spell it out that its a joke. Come on people.
great list ..
If a song takes place in a movie, then it is not real and your auditory cortex is actually synthesizing the sounds it hears. Call it an auditory hallucination.
When you sit down, for instance, to play “You Got The Touch” from Boogie Nights (list-worthy if you ask me) on your acoustic guitar, you just can’t. Why? Because it’s fictional. Your fingers will look you in the eye and say, “asshole, you wouldn’t ask your legs to ride a unicorn. Don’t make me try and perform this particularly beautiful ballad, because it simply isn’t real!”
Captivating as “Whoop That Trick” may be, it’s all in your head. That’s just science.
Break the rules, take the heat. You’re nobody’s fool.
Loose Yourself is not the same thing as Whoop dat Trick…real guy, real song, not performed in the movie, not performed by fictional character. If you count Loose Yourself, then you have to count Purple Rain. Put Saggy Bottom Boys in its place!!
That just my two cents….You did a great job with the list!
I mentioned Rock Star because it happens to be one of my mom’s favorite movies Roffman! You wouldn’t want to see my mother angry…..
Only problem is that Falling Slowly IS a real song.. Still, a great song, though!
Excellent point on Soggy Bottom Boys. They fit this criteria better than anyone…I think I would have put them at number one.
I completely agree with you Mr. Mike. Made up band, but the song has actually been around though. Bob Dylan does a cover of it but I don’t remember on what album.
I completely agree with you Mr. Mike. Made up band, but the song has actually been around though. Bob Dylan does a cover of it but I don’t remember on what album.
Hmmm…maybe it wouldn’t fit the mold. But I would probably change the mold to allow it to fit.
WHY ARE YOU PUTTING SONGS THAT ARE REAL ON THE LIST?
YOU SUCK AT LISTS!
Do you even know that these are actually real songs? They are real because you can hear them in your ears. If you can hear it, then it is real. What kind of list is this?
P.S. I’m really into Trans-Siberian Orchestra.