The end of November. The weeks before Hannukah (or Christmas). The days when the cold air feels exciting, rather than daunting, though at times they can feel both, really. It’s around this time of the year when everyone’s shopping schedule or dinner roasts take priority over other things like reading, office work, or most importantly, working out. As we’re shoving cartfuls of turkey down our gullet or asking for seconds on pumpkin pie, our bodies are just being slaughtered. What’s worse is that we’re more apt to veg out than actually eat veggies. That’s why we need to shake our heads for a moment and go, “Wait a second, let’s not get too pre-occupied with all this festival flutter. Let’s get physical.”

And no, I don’t mean that in an Olivia Newton John sort of way. I’m talking about gearing up, sweating the heels, breakin’ the backs. I’m insisting on running, or jogging or doing some cartwheels for Christ’s sake. Well, maybe not that. What I’m trying to get at, and instead rambling like some idiot on speed, is that we need to exercise during these times. Shuffling around in your jogging pants or your peacoat for groceries or gifts isn’t going to cut it, especially if you’re downing egg nog at one office party to the next. No, you need to find some time to shed off that extra skin, burn those calories, or nuke those carbs.

Without sounding too lame, let’s get on with the show, right? I’m sure a good lot of you are saying, “What the hell is the point of all this?” I’m getting to it, just hold on. Okay, here we go: With every exercise, and the advent of the smaller iPods, there’s a soundtrack. We run, we bike, and we flex muscles to everyone from Duran Duran to Cameo, Bruce Springsteeen to Soundgarden. It’s our way of life nowadays and without those white veins that lead to ear plugs, we would almost feel naked. Am I right?

I’ve already given you a handful of songs before. So, how about some album suggestions? I’ve scaled back some and found what I consider to be the best albums to just move and sway to… but on a treadmill. You might disagree, as you all do, and that’s okay. Maybe this could be a helpful holiday ho-down, where we all just throw some good tuneage to bounce and stay slim to, and maybe, just maybe… we won’t have “Lose that fat ass” on our New Year’s resolutions.

Fingers crossed!

10. MGMT - Oracular Spectacular

This album is one of the best of the year… and it just so happens to be the best for your rear, too. Okay, that was uber lame, but let’s be serious. These Brooklyn bad boys know how to churn a tune and with the itchy cadence of “Kids” and the very popular gloss of “Time to Pretend”, there’s no chance in pulling yourself away. The sound is hip and momentous, which makes for a nice decadent run. No harm in that.

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9. Guns N’ Roses - Appetite for Destruction

Nothing pumps you more in workout than Axl Rose does throughout “Welcome to the Jungle” as it tears open Appetitie for Destruction. It’s almost as if this album should be handed out with signed memberships at the gym. For one, it never slows, and when it does… it’s right back to slaughtering the soul. These tracks just gel, and it all peaks with “Rocket Queen”, which just so happens to close out the album. In other words, just in time for you to walk out and seep back into reality. However, be forewarned, this album is not for the meek. This may cause exhaustion.

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8. Radiohead - In Rainbows

Wait, wait… I know what you’re thinking. How the hell am I supposed to run to songs like “Nude”, “House of Cards”, or “Videotape”? Truth of the matter is that you can and it could be one of the most invigorating experiences of your life. “Jigsaw…” is a natural sprinter and one that’s sure to please, but try running uphill during “Reckoner” with your eyes closed, envisioning yourself on a mountain somewhere in the Pacific Northwest. It’s unreal. “Nude” is like a cleansing after sprinting during “Bodysnatchers” and you’re apt to pass out during “Videotape” which makes it all the more tragic. Sound like a challenge? Um, that’s because it is.

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7. Hans Zimmer & James Newton Howard - The Dark Knight Original Motion Picture Score

It’s the best movie of the year and that’s partly because the score is so riveting. The aching strings and the heartbeat drums, it’s very daunting and makes for a visceral and visually jarring exercise. When tracks like “Aggressive Expansion” or “And I Thought My Jokes Were Bad” come around, all of a sudden your running becomes vital, as if you’re Commissioner Gordon on the case or Bruce Wayne at the dinner function for Harvey Dent. Maybe you’re not into the whole cinematic experience, but if you are, then this is the right sound for you. Or, perhaps unlike me, you’ve grown up.

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6. Michael Jackson - Thriller

Maybe it’s because I’m partial to the former black pop artist, but Michael Jackson’s music gets me going. I could have just found out my girlfriend lost her arm to a salt water crocodile and that my mother’s marrying Dale Coulier and that Frank Caliendo is actually related to me and that my former girlfriend is actually a post-op transsexual and that my bank closed down with all my student loans gone with it and that my vinyl collection caught on fire from a rare European breeding experiment and that Chicago’s Lincoln Park was turning very, very anti-Semitic and yet if someone popped on “P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)” I would still be in absolute nirvana. Now, on a regular given day, benching forty pounds (proud of that myself), Thriller is the all time iller. Just please, without pause, skip track three. Nobody wants a Paul McCartney/Michael Jackson duet when they’re sweating ass. Nobody.

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5. The Beastie Boys - Hello Nasty

Let’s be real here. Everyone and their mother has Hello Nasty by the Jewish rappers we’ve all come to love and respect. It was as if the album, to quote Wayne Campbell (my second time in a week), “came in the mail with free samples of Tide.” Between “Intergalatic” and “Remote Control”, this was a disc you couldn’t resist, and the same goes for in the weight room. I mean, really, does it take a song like “Body Movin’” to let you know it’s time to get things on a roll? No, this entire album should suffice.

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4. LCD Soundsystem - Sound of Silver

This slot was really for Daft Punk, but in all honesty, LCD is just so much more interesting. James Murphy knows what’s up and he can write a song or two. In this case, he’s written nine. Among them, there come some great moments of reflection, which accounts for 99% of a run. When “Someone Great” pops up, there’s this existential passing that’s hard to withdrawal from, and by the time “New York, I Love You but You’re Bringing Me Down” closes it all out, you’re a whole new person. Talk about some mental health, eh?

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3. Kanye West - Graduation

This Kanye West album might come off as a surprise to you. You’re probably screaming, “Uh, what about The College Dropout? Hell, that even has a song called “The New Workout Plan” you idiot!” But really, that’s not only obvious, but wrong. How can any Kanye West album compete with Graduation? It’s perfect. It’s a diamond album. The lyrical content might not be as stellar as his previous works, but even that can be argued. However, that’s not the critique here. It’s how much this album pulls and pushes those muscles, and this album is top caliber, at least for West’s discography. There’s the “well, duh” adrenaline of “Stronger”, the “I’m a star” feeling in “Champion” and the “This body’s dope” positivity of “The Good Life.” To top it all off, you get a lil’ Chris Martin action at the end with “The Homecoming.” Oh, and nobody can argue that they don’t feel cool as hell “pumping iron” to the bass thumping buzz of “Flashing Lights.”

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2. Girl Talk - Feed The Animals

Does this one even need an explanation? The damn album never stops going. Greg Gillis made sure of that and considering it’s been making club owners happy for months now, I’m sure it’s made its way into the gym, too. At the start of “Play Your Part (Pt. 1)”, the Steve Winwood backed club beats really kick off any run to a great start. Don’t be surprised if you’re dancing too. You should be… it’s your Gillis given right. Get it? It’s a play on “God given right”! Get it? Do you?

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1. Moby - Play

This might leave some heads scratching, but allow me to explain. Moby is thee beat maker. I don’t care if you don’t buy into his latest work, because I don’t either, but as far as his earlier stuff is concerned, you can’t challenge it. Play is a work of art and in the gym, it’s a masterpiece of heavenly proportions. There’s so many images to take out of it and that’s where it succeeds. You don’t really feel like you’re exercising, you’re doing something else. There’s an authority to the music that supersedes the rest of the albums on this list. Album opener “Honey” and the repetitive yet chin bobbing “Find My Baby” immediately take you somewhere else and that’s what you want in music for exercising. You don’t want to know you’re exercising, simply because you’d really rather not be there. That’s why gym owners put televisions in front of every machine nowadays. These are distractions, and for the price of six bucks (three dollars in some used CD stores), Moby’s Play can be your distraction. If anything, you’ll finally have an MP3 of “Porcelain” and that Gwen Stefani featured “Southside” will likely bring some nostalgia in.

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So what are you waiting for? Get the hell out there!

Categories: Features, List 'Em Carefully
Tags: Beastie Boys, Girl Talk, Guns N' Roses, Kanye West, LCD Soundsystem, MGMT, Michael Jackson, Moby, Radiohead