Tennessee never looked this good!
Today, I was planning on cooking some Mac n’ Cheese, buuut instead, I’ll be eating crow…and lots of it. If you can recall my editorial last week (and please, if you can, don’t), I went off on a tangent, romanticizing Indio, California as if it were the land of El Dorado. Not that it isn’t, after all they did find gold out there once, it’s just not the only place to dig up something with luster. No, last night Superfly proved that when they unearthed their impressive jaw-crushing, marrow-sucking, life-aging, face-numbing lineup for this year’s Bonnaroo Music Festival. So now I ask you, can you pass the ketchup while I dig in?
It doesn’t take a raving music fanatic to recognize the top heavy portion of this year’s lineup. After last Sunday, you’d have to be a moron to not know who The Boss is, and you’d have to be really lost if you’ve never heard of the Beastie Boys or Nine Inch Nails. These are house hold names where I come from, and my mother hasn’t listened to a new song since Gloria Estefan’s “Conga”. Now, Phish? We’ll let that slide, but even then, you can’t drive throughout the South without seeing that lame, technicolor bumper sticker. Oh, did I say lame? I meant “awesome,” “tubular,” and “gnarly.” As for the other “heavies,” as we’ll dub ‘em, you can’t write off Wilco, David Byrne, or Elvis Costello, either. Seriously, this line up is like one large chocolate doughnut, filled with…oh screw the metaphors. It’s orgasmic. That’s putting it bluntly.
Wait, wait, wait. Al Green? Are you fucking kidding me? The man has a voice that could be written up for sexual harassment. Then there’s Snoop Dogg, who actually has been written up for sexual harassment. If you haven’t seen this puppy, he’s one hell of a performer. I think a year or two ago I dubbed him the black man’s Bruce Springsteen, whom together on the bill give the line up a literal and metaphorical yin and yang. Some may call Snoop a festival whore by now, but they’d be idiots who’d rather see Radiohead for a fifteenth time. Actually, I take that back, I’d want to see Radiohead every summer, too. But to quote Stuart Ullman, the hotel manager in Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining, “It’s just not economically feasible.”
What isn’t economically feasible, however, are the ticket prices for this Manchester gala. In no way, shape or form should this festival be only $225 dollars. It’s a sin. Superfly are truly humanitarians here. How else can they explain the bloated headliners, the sweet as icing middle tier bands, and the “uh, okay, I’ll go with it” smaller acts? One possible answer: the mob. Hey, it worked for John F. Kennedy (sort of) and Al Capone seemed to get away with everything (except that bout of STDs), so why not for Superfly? Not too hard to swallow, is it?
Conspiracy theorist or not, you can’t help but wonder what future festivals will be like from here on out. This is a line up that rivals the likes of Woodstock (lets go with ‘94, but we can argue ‘69 too) and nearly every line up for Lollapalooza. These acts by all means shouldn’t be in the same place at the same time. For one, it’s dangerous. If you think Springsteen’s fifty-something fanatics are wild, wait ’til you see the minions for Phish, all stoned and warped out on god knows what they found in their medicine cabinets. These types are likely to swamp the place (and sell out the festival within seconds), and if you’re not with ‘em, you’re…well…NARC! Yeah, get used to that. You’ll probably be hearing that again and again, right after the hour long debate on whether or not Ayn Rand was justified in including the fifty-something page speech in Atlas Shrugged.
Okay, where were we? Oh, right…why these acts shouldn’t be together. Let’s face it, Manchester, TN has a nice ol’ collection of country real estate, but by no means is it prepared for the looming chaos ahead. Mark my words, there will be traffic, there will be dysentery, there will be lines, there will be humidity, there will be…okay, it’s coming…blood. Sure these acts are peaceful, some of the most beautiful collection of songwriters 
I’ve ever seen, but people aren’t beautiful. We’re treacherous and vile. We vomit, we shit, we scream, we pout, we scoff, and we push and shove. So in other words, it’ll be like every other day.
It’s just going to be nonstop. Though if you’re up for the battle, bravo for you. You’re in for a hell of a ride. This is going to be one righteous and rocking festival—one that’s “for the cards”, as they might say. It does raise some questions, however, like: what’s next? This line up really sets the water mark. Four years ago, nobody would have ever conceived of such headliners. The Boss? He’s for stadiums! Phish? They’re not getting back together! David Byrne? He’s dead…right? Yet this is just the cherry on one very, very tall sundae. I guess we have The Police to thank for this. Since they headlined back in 2007, Bonnaroo just keeps one upping itself again and again. At this time next year, we might be rolling our eyes in disbelief at a line up that includes The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Soundgarden, and Nirvana (feat. Frank Black). Yeah, scoff now, but the reality is…you just don’t know.
So, what’s next? Not only are we treacherous and vile, but we’re greedy people. This isn’t enough, is it? Considering there’s still 30 bands up ahead, I guess anyone is right in speculating still. Me? I’m a simple guy, and I like what we have here, so I’ll leave it to Alex to dissect the rumors and play prophet with you. Besides, my meal’s getting cold. Mmm…love that crow!
So what’s next?
What is next? I know I speak for many people out there in saying, we don’t really need anything else. However, since “120″ artists are billed to be heading down to Manchester for this year’s Bonnaroo, simple math will tell you, we’re over 50 names short.
While many of these spots will be filled by smaller “Cafe Tent” acts, there is a decent chance a few more heavy-hitters will be added to the lineup. Like who? Well, names like The Crystal Method, Peter Bjorn & John, Spiritualized, and Ryan Adams & The Cardinals, groups that had been rumored in the weeks leading up to last night’s announcement, yet are noticeably absent from the above poster, could be solid bets. One would also have to think Bonnaroo will add a bit more diversity to the lineup, as they did last year when including Stephen Marley as a late addition. Maybe Manu Chao or The Wailers? Another noteworthy jam band is also likely, and if names floating around the ‘Roo message boards say anything, Umphrey’s McGee and the Disco Biscuits are the most yearned for.
Of course, some of the most interesting components of Bonnaroo are how it is schedule because until we know who is holding down Kanye West’s 12:00 a.m. 4:00 a.m. slot this year, we aren’t entirely sure whether a trippy late night addition will be required. Then again, I’m sure I’m not the only one hoping the Beastie Boys hold down this spot.
And then, there is the the always anticipated, often remarkable Superjam. I say “often” because sometimes, especially like last year, our imagination can get the best of us, resulting in a bit of disappointment when Les Claypool and Gogol Bordello stepped onto stage instead of Tom Waits. And with so many big names on this year’s bill, our imaginations will likely go wild again (Bruce Springsteen, Jeff Tweedy, Elvis Costello, and Trey Anastasio). Of course, whether they prove true remains to be seen.
But stress not, Bonnaroo. You’ve already done enough to create one hell of a festival. Anything else is just gravy.
Phish late night will be ILL. Funny comment about the minors raiding the medicine cabinet, though; it’s so true.
Bonnaroo ‘09 will be balls to the walls. What do you think will happen next year?
I have to agree with Jeremy that I think the ‘roo lineup is being a little blown out of the water compared to Coachella, which is looking super strong. That being said, I think having Raphael Saadiq kick off the late-night hip hop tent could be cool as hell. By the way, would you be disappointed to have Snoop in the hip hop tent? Of course, he’ll probably be on the main or second stage before the Beasties. (Who is going to headline the “other” night - Beastie Boys or NIN?) They’ll add another name, I’m sure, but Saadiq, PUTs, the Knux & Snoop wouldn’t be so bad.
How about a little Coheed & Cambria late-night action? I hope for your sake they don’t get the afternoon set (a la Against Me!). That would be a real shame. If I was putting together the lineup, I’d probably pencil Coheed in for just after NIN (in one of the tents, of course).
“Michael, you get exited too easily.”
I know this is a typo, but it’s also completely true. I think it’s Mike’s curiousity more than anything. He sees a door, gets anxious, checks it out, and before he knows it, he has exited. You can’t keep the man in a room for more than twenty seconds at a time.
c
Reznor has been much more of a let down than the Beasties. One show, several years back, the opening act blew NIN away. We later found out it was A Perfect Circle; this was before they had released anything. As I recall, they didn’t even have names for their songs yet.
I’ve seen a couple so-so shows from the Beasties. I have a personal grudge against them now, though
I had tix to see the Boys and RATM. Well, Mike D breaks his arm/wrist cycling in New York, the tour is canceled, and Rage broke up (before I ever got to see ‘em). And this was back in my militant youth, so it hurt all the more to miss Rage 
best,
mm
sorry to hear nin and the beasties burned you before the 5 times i saw nin i thought they were very good and the beastie boys gala event i went to just after the mix up came out is in my top 3 shows all time
The biggies don’t do much for me. NIN and the Beasties have disappointed me multiple times. But I like a lot of the middle of the lineup.
David Byrne is simply amazing, as is Elvis Costello and Hitchcock. Very curious to see Al Green, Badu, Toussaint, and Wilco. Nice mix there. Never seen The Decemberists, and I’m told Ben Harper is phenomenal. Heck, even Lucinda Williams and Merle Haggard spark my curiousity a bit.
But Bruce, Phish, NIN, and BBs just don’t do enough for me, not when my cash is limited.
Hey dumbass, I played 4 years ago
Jeremy Martin,
This is paraphrased from Micheal Roffman and editor on this here blog. He argues my point of Coachella vs. Bonnaroo. And adds Lollapolooza in the mix for a three way tilt.
“Look, I’m a “Chicagoan.” I say that in quotes because I’ve only been here two years. I’ve been attending Lollapalooza since it restarted in 2005. I’m obsessed with the festival. It’s what brought me to this “industry”, it’s what makes August bearable (and my birthday falls on that month, too). However, and that being said, Perry Farrell has quite the predicament on his hands. He pretty much heightened expectations with that line up last year and this year, after Coachella and Bonnaroo, he really, really needs to play his cards right.
What should he do?
He needs a reunion. He needs that wild card. So, what does he have? Well, his own band for one. He could easily throw together Jane’s Addiction. That would suffice, even though a good many of you would claim that as predictable. Okay, what else? How about Soundgarden? It fell through for Coachella (incidentally), but the group has a history with Farrell, and if anyone can make it happen…he can.
If he can do something “edgy” like that, then Lollapalooza has a chance at one upping these guys. If not, I don’t know. They’ll just have to throw in some older headliner (David Bowie?) and some bigger names (Beastie Boys, for one), but make sure it’s not too much of an overlap.
Needless to say, I’m pretty excited.”
And you know what my beef with Coachella is. Is that its more expensive, In a desert and the patrons are not all that friendly. Keep in mind i understand this is one mans opinion (and my own) otheres can have theirs but pound for pound i don’t know why Sasquatch isn’t considered the better fest out West. Its during the first long weekend of the summer great scenery and the price is right. Plus the headliners are almost always different than the Big 3.
I pray that Chris Cornell comes no where near the polo grounds this year.
Adam, I’m actually a pretty cynical guy. These line ups are amazing. Sorry, you don’t share the excitement, pal.
Michael, you get exited too easily.
I think The Beastie Boys will be at lolla. I would love to see The White Stripes there, but that’s just a personal wish. I don’t know how much of a possibility that is.
Janes Addiction is rumored for lolla
Roo grossed over 17 million dollars last festy… they deserve to cut us a break!
haha yeah i’m all for lolla too… sad we have to wait another 2 months before we get that lineup… hopefully it’ll pull the gems from coach and roo and add it’s own lolla goodness for one helluva show
any big rumors out there yet?
Look, I’m a “Chicagoan.” I say that in quotes because I’ve only been here two years. I’ve been attending Lollapalooza since it restarted in 2005. I’m obsessed with the festival. It’s what brought me to this “industry”, it’s what makes August bearable (and my birthday falls on that month, too). However, and that being said, Perry Farrell has quite the predicament on his hands. He pretty much heightened expectations with that line up last year and this year, after Coachella and Bonnaroo, he really, really needs to play his cards right.
What should he do?
He needs a reunion. He needs that wild card. So, what does he have? Well, his own band for one. He could easily throw together Jane’s Addiction. That would suffice, even though a good many of you would claim that as predictable. Okay, what else? How about Soundgarden? It fell through for Coachella (incidentally), but the group has a history with Farrell, and if anyone can make it happen…he can.
If he can do something “edgy” like that, then Lollapalooza has a chance at one upping these guys. If not, I don’t know. They’ll just have to throw in some older headliner (David Bowie?) and some bigger names (Beastie Boys, for one), but make sure it’s not too much of an overlap.
Needless to say, I’m pretty excited.
Lolla!
Lolla all the way !!
Oh carligula. I’m a Lolla loyalist, too.
Tennessee has always looked good to me. It looked a hell of a lot better last June if you ask me. Maybe I’m just bitter that I can’t go, but I am so far from impressed. I guess it’s just not my tastes. I own albums from 3 of the top 20.
bobbyrisigliano,
Not sure why there always has to be this Coachella Vs. Bonnaroo argument every year. Have been to both the last two years and they both have their pros and cons. I like Bonnaroo better myself because of the latenight shows but I look at them as two different entities and really don’t compare them like others do.
Animal Collective late night set. Nine Inch Nails Kanye spot. that is all.
I don’t think the lineup is that awesome. I guess I’m the only one.
I think I am the only one not going gaga over this lineup.
Have seen NIN and the Beasties before and would have preferred just about anything to Snoop as far as hip hop. What is the hip hop latenight going to be? The Knux, People Under the Stairs and Snoop? Seems like kind of a letdown after The Coup, Lupe, Talib and Chali 2na with Galactic last year and even Aesop Rock, El-P and DJ Shadow the year before…
Also electronic and DJs seem to be lacking although I am sure they will handle that with the additions.
One cool thing about this lineup is that I will be able to check out a lot of smaller and mid-tier bands - the last two years I have gone I had my schedule pretty much set and didn’t stray from it too much. Also, will probably have more time to chill, maybe catch a comedy show for the first time and check out some of the other art and attractions the festival provides.
It’s funny how tastes differ so much. I am very hyped about the Coachella lineup but most are saying it’s a letdown and then everyone loves this Bonnaroo lineup but I am not extremely excited about it. That being said, I am sure it will be a great weekend and there will be many great shows.
Great line-up, hope Coachella cancells because they’re sandbagging everyone with ticket prices. I hate that fest. I hope Sasquatch has a better lineup. Death to Coachella!
I hope Coachella cancells as well. I hate that fest. I hope Sasquatch has a better lineup. Death to Coachella!
Bonnaroooooooo