Today, I was planning on cooking some Mac n’ Cheese, buuut instead, I’ll be eating crow…and lots of it. If you can recall my editorial last week (and please, if you can, don’t), I went off on a tangent, romanticizing Indio, California as if it were the land of El Dorado. Not that it isn’t, after all they did find gold out there once, it’s just not the only place to dig up something with luster. No, last night Superfly proved that when they unearthed their impressive jaw-crushing, marrow-sucking, life-aging, face-numbing lineup for this year’s Bonnaroo Music Festival. So now I ask you, can you pass the ketchup while I dig in?

It doesn’t take a raving music fanatic to recognize the top heavy portion of this year’s lineup. After last Sunday, you’d have to be a moron to not know who The Boss is, and you’d have to be really lost if you’ve never heard of the Beastie Boys or Nine Inch Nails. These are house hold names where I come from, and my mother hasn’t listened to a new song since Gloria Estefan’s “Conga”. Now, Phish? We’ll let that slide, but even then, you can’t drive throughout the South without seeing that lame, technicolor bumper sticker. Oh, did I say lame? I meant “awesome,” “tubular,” and “gnarly.” As for the other “heavies,” as we’ll dub ‘em, you can’t write off Wilco, David Byrne, or Elvis Costello, either. Seriously, this line up is like one large chocolate doughnut, filled with…oh screw the metaphors. It’s orgasmic. That’s putting it bluntly.

Wait, wait, wait. Al Green? Are you fucking kidding me? The man has a voice that could be written up for sexual harassment. Then there’s Snoop Dogg, who actually has been written up for sexual harassment. If you haven’t seen this puppy, he’s one hell of a performer. I think a year or two ago I dubbed him the black man’s Bruce Springsteen, whom together on the bill give the line up a literal and metaphorical yin and yang. Some may call Snoop a festival whore by now, but they’d be idiots who’d rather see Radiohead for a fifteenth time. Actually, I take that back, I’d want to see Radiohead every summer, too. But to quote Stuart Ullman, the hotel manager in Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining, “It’s just not economically feasible.”

What isn’t economically feasible, however, are the ticket prices for this Manchester gala. In no way, shape or form should this festival be only $225 dollars. It’s a sin. Superfly are truly humanitarians here. How else can they explain the bloated headliners, the sweet as icing middle tier bands, and the “uh, okay, I’ll go with it” smaller acts? One possible answer: the mob. Hey, it worked for John F. Kennedy (sort of) and Al Capone seemed to get away with everything (except that bout of STDs), so why not for Superfly? Not too hard to swallow, is it?

Conspiracy theorist or not, you can’t help but wonder what future festivals will be like from here on out. This is a line up that rivals the likes of Woodstock (lets go with ’94, but we can argue ’69 too) and nearly every line up for Lollapalooza. These acts by all means shouldn’t be in the same place at the same time. For one, it’s dangerous. If you think Springsteen’s fifty-something fanatics are wild, wait ’til you see the minions for Phish, all stoned and warped out on god knows what they found in their medicine cabinets. These types are likely to swamp the place (and sell out the festival within seconds), and if you’re not with ‘em, you’re…well…NARC! Yeah, get used to that. You’ll probably be hearing that again and again, right after the hour long debate on whether or not Ayn Rand was justified in including the fifty-something page speech in Atlas Shrugged.

Okay, where were we? Oh, right…why these acts shouldn’t be together. Let’s face it, Manchester, TN has a nice ol’ collection of country real estate, but by no means is it prepared for the looming chaos ahead. Mark my words, there will be traffic, there will be dysentery, there will be lines, there will be humidity, there will be…okay, it’s coming…blood. Sure these acts are peaceful, some of the most beautiful collection of songwriters I’ve ever seen, but people aren’t beautiful. We’re treacherous and vile. We vomit, we shit, we scream, we pout, we scoff, and we push and shove. So in other words, it’ll be like every other day.

It’s just going to be nonstop. Though if you’re up for the battle, bravo for you. You’re in for a hell of a ride. This is going to be one righteous and rocking festival—one that’s “for the cards”, as they might say. It does raise some questions, however, like: what’s next? This line up really sets the water mark. Four years ago, nobody would have ever conceived of such headliners. The Boss? He’s for stadiums! Phish? They’re not getting back together! David Byrne? He’s dead…right? Yet this is just the cherry on one very, very tall sundae. I guess we have The Police to thank for this. Since they headlined back in 2007, Bonnaroo just keeps one upping itself again and again. At this time next year, we might be rolling our eyes in disbelief at a line up that includes The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Soundgarden, and Nirvana (feat. Frank Black). Yeah, scoff now, but the reality is…you just don’t know.

So, what’s next? Not only are we treacherous and vile, but we’re greedy people. This isn’t enough, is it? Considering there’s still 30 bands up ahead, I guess anyone is right in speculating still. Me? I’m a simple guy, and I like what we have here, so I’ll leave it to Alex to dissect the rumors and play prophet with you. Besides, my meal’s getting cold. Mmm…love that crow!

So what’s next?

What is next? I know I speak for many people out there in saying, we don’t really need anything else. However, since “120″ artists are billed to be heading down to Manchester for this year’s Bonnaroo, simple math will tell you, we’re over 50 names short.

While many of these spots will be filled by smaller “Cafe Tent” acts, there is a decent chance a few more heavy-hitters will be added to the lineup. Like who? Well, names like The Crystal Method, Peter Bjorn & John, Spiritualized, and Ryan Adams & The Cardinals, groups that had been rumored in the weeks leading up to last night’s announcement, yet are noticeably absent from the above poster, could be solid bets. One would also have to think Bonnaroo will add a bit more diversity to the lineup, as they did last year when including Stephen Marley as a late addition. Maybe Manu Chao or The Wailers? Another noteworthy jam band is also likely, and if names floating around the ‘Roo message boards say anything, Umphrey’s McGee and the Disco Biscuits are the most yearned for.

Of course, some of the most interesting components of Bonnaroo are how it is schedule  because until we know who is holding down Kanye West’s 12:00 a.m. 4:00 a.m. slot this year, we aren’t entirely sure whether a trippy late night addition will be required. Then again, I’m sure I’m not the only one hoping the Beastie Boys hold down this spot.

And then, there is the the always anticipated, often remarkable Superjam. I say “often” because sometimes, especially like last year, our imagination can get the best of us, resulting in a bit of disappointment when Les Claypool and Gogol Bordello stepped onto stage instead of Tom Waits. And with so many big names on this year’s bill, our imaginations will likely go wild again (Bruce Springsteen, Jeff Tweedy, Elvis Costello, and Trey Anastasio). Of course, whether they prove true remains to be seen.

But stress not, Bonnaroo. You’ve already done enough to create one hell of a festival. Anything else is just gravy.