Break Yo’ TV: Dead Man’s Bones – “In The Room Where You Sleep”

By Chris DeSalvo on August 28th, 2009 in Break Yo TV

11 Comments »
Break Yo’ TV: Dead Man’s Bones – “In The Room Where You Sleep”

There’s something about great actors who long to be rock stars that sits about as three-day-old bread. Ryan Gosling is one of the most gifted actors of his generation. He’s rarely given a forgettable onscreen performance, and displays an appreciation for subtlety that often makes us wonder how someone so young can make such a storied art look as easy.

So, why then could the 28-year-old Canada native pull a Scarlett Johansson and try to give us a reason to loathe him? I’ve recently come across a video so bad it makes anything Shaquille O’Neal has done look and sound like the best thing ever shot and recorded. Shockingly enough, Gosling’s “indie goth” band is called Dead Man’s Bones, and they sort of come off as a poor man’s Arcade Fire meets a gutter ball in the tenth frame of a league bowling game. Bittersweet? Worse. In the online video for the song “In the Room While you Sleep”, Gosling eerily mimics Tom Waits sans the memorably throaty vibrato and leaves us wondering why someone so talented could ever create something so morbidly terrible.

To add frosting to this shitcake of a song, Gosling decided to employ a local grade school choir to stutter through the “song” with he and his rhythm-less backing band as if they were performing a prepubescent sacrifice on All Hallow’s Eve. A few of the kids are wearing masks, too. There’s a young boy dressed as a werewolf. One young girl has more makeup than Amy Winehouse would need to ward off needle-induced epidermal blemishes. The word “odd” hardly covers the camera work that seems to endorse an aura of “pre-teen-goth-hipster-cool” that these kids aren’t even aware of.

I get it, though. Gosling wants to be taken seriously and admires indie bands who have taken atypical paths towards rock-stardom. However, if you want to gain even a fraction of the notoriety you’ve amassed from your day job, at least TRY to scribe a song that’s slightly withstandable.

Not only is Gosling a horrific ringleader, but the camera work is just about as nausea-inducing. It’s sort of Blair Witch-meets-the-four-year-old-who-got-a-hold-of-the-camera-at-his-dad’s-NYE-party-for-five-nightmarish-minutes. Not good. About as good a combination as a Wendy’s Frosty, and six cans of garbanzo beans.

I may not soon lose control of my bowels from subjecting myself to this experience, but my shrink won’t cancel any future appointments with me. It’s certain that even a stable brain couldn’t deal with something like this without requiring several years of mental help.

Do yourself a favor, go home and rent The Notebook as quickly as you can. Chances are, you’ve subjected yourself to this video already, and there’s little time to quell the awful spell it’s cast on your love of Gosling’s thespian catalogue. The cliche goes, “Don’t quit your day job.” I’d rather tell Gosling to never go near a piano, recording studio, or two dozen tone deaf fifth graders ever again.

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comments (11)

  • are you serious? I read this and was shocked to be perfectly honest. Maybe you have some bias tastes, but Dead Man’s Bones is an amazing collection of eclectic emerging sound.

    To critize HIS work, is the same as critizing the children, they perform at an amazing level of pitch and creepiness to give the music the horrific 60’s sound.

    This band is pure talent, the piano is great and for only a two piece band they carry themselves very well.

    I’m not one to critize opinons, but Chris DeSalvo, have you even listened to this entire CD? Or maybe read some articles on what Mr. Gosling was even going for in his music? He has a pure voice, and pure talent, and by reading this article, the only thing I can derive from it is either a.) You’re not a Ryan Gosling fan, b.) You never listened to the CD, but instead a LIVE song, or c.) You’re just a untalented fucking moron.

    -James

    James January 1, 2010 at 9:07 pm

  • where’s all your super insightful observational humor/social critique? You haven’t written in months! What happened? WHY ARE YOU DEPRIVING THE DORK WORLD OF YOUR RUN-ON SENTENCES AND PURPLE PROSE!!!!! WTF!?! WHAAAAAAAAT THE FUUUUUUCK?!?!

    DON’T EVER GIVE UP! DON’T EVER LET THESE BASTARDS GET YOU DOWN! YOU DO HAVE TALENT EVEN IF EVERYONE THINKS YOU DON’T! WHO ELSE IS GONNA BABBLE ON ABOUT T.V. COMMERCIALS AND T.V. SHOWS AND T.V. ACTORS AND T.V. ACTORSES CHILDREN AND THE SCHEDULING OF T.V.?!?! WHO ELSE IS GOING TO GIVE KNEE-JERK, HAM-FISTED RESPONSES TO (SORTA) NEW ALBUMS!?!? WHO ELSE IS GONNA TRY AND FAIL TO NAME DROP PEOPLE HE’S NEVER MET AND KNOWS ALMOST NOTHING ABOUT TO SUPPORT HIS ARGUMENTS!?!?

    DON’T LET IT END CHRIS!!!!!!!! THERE ARE STILL 6 OR 7 PEOPLE YOU WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH WHO HAVE BOOKMARKED YOUR ENTRIES!! DON’T MAKE THEM PASSIVELY READ SOMEOTHER JUNK THAT’S NOT YOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    llooppss October 17, 2009 at 1:28 am

  • I missed yyoouu, llooppss. The proposal’s still on the table!

    Chris De Salvo October 16, 2009 at 5:23 pm

  • yyoouu lloossee

    llooppss October 16, 2009 at 4:16 pm

  • Mr. DeSalvo,

    Run down to your local McD’s and apply for that FF job fast. You wouldn’t understand entertainment if it clobbered you over the head with a sledgehammer.

    hal September 1, 2009 at 8:03 pm

  • It works, however, as an indie mockumentary. I’m waiting for Christopher Guest to show up anytime…

    Luke Johnson August 30, 2009 at 8:13 pm

  • I actually really like this. I also like the Name in Stone song with the cemetery video.

    Stephen Clonts August 30, 2009 at 5:54 pm

  • And I quote “Ryan Gosling is one of the most gifted actors of his generation. He’s rarely given a forgettable onscreen performance”

    Have you not seen Breaker High? Maybe you should have said “Silver Screen” cause he was straight up rotten eggs on that show.

    bobbyrisigliano August 28, 2009 at 8:04 pm

  • I saw this a few months ago? I kind of dug the song, but only realized the kids were creepy beyond words!

    Zoe August 28, 2009 at 4:50 pm

  • I was under the impression that COS reviewed this song about a year ago and gave it accolades. Alas it could have been jambase

    moses1221 August 28, 2009 at 3:59 pm

  • From your preferred taste in the Arcade fire, you obviously aren’t open minded about music and wouldn’t know it if it slapped you in the face. I’m not some groupie airhead who only likes a band if the leader singer is ‘cute’. F**k that. Dead Mans Bones brings something to the table most bands dont: talent. These guys had the courage to try something new without mainstream intereference, while most bands have their sound altered with synthesizers, etc. This band doesn’t try to portray themselves as a perfect picture. They’ve said right from the get go that they are still new to the music scene as artists and they aren’t trying to intentionally get radio play like most sellouts. Their music is a reflection of doo-wop and goth mixed together so you shouldn’t even compare them to any other artist out there right now because the genres aren’t the same. If you dont like, you dont like it. It doesnt necessarily mean they’re bad. They’re just not for you.

    youranidiot August 28, 2009 at 3:10 pm

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