With the festival market so cluttered with repeat acts this year, it’s a breath of — well, it is what it is — to come upon a festival bearing no overlap whatsoever with other fests. That’s right, the 2011 infomercial for the annual Gathering of the Juggalos is up on YouTube! Whoop, whoop, ninjas.
The 12th edition of Insane Clown Posse’s own festival will take place in Cave-in-Rock, Illinois August 11-14 and feature the usual Psycopathic Records heavy-hitters: Twiztid, Dark Lotus, Anybody Killa, Blaze Ya Dead Homie, Psycopathic Rydas, Marz, and of course ICP themselves will be performing at the festival.
As if that weren’t enough (what are you, crazy?), the Gathering will be graced by the presence of several big-name outsiders as usual. Get ready for a list of names that will blow away your inner 1999. Confirmed for the Gathering are Busta Rhymes, Ice Cube, Mystikal, Juvenile, DJ Quik, Kottonmouth Kings, Kittie, Dope, and Saliva. Also, not only do they have Ice Cube, but they got Vanilla Ice!
The music lineup is rounded out by George Clinton and the P-Funk All Stars, Xzibit, MC Hammer, E-40, Paris, DJ Clay, Lil Wyte, CKY, Tech N9ne, The Dayton Family, and more, including “two huge surprise names” that will not be revealed until the weekend of. We’re banking on Kid Rock and Kris Kross.
Of course, no juggalo gathering would be complete without a bunch of other random shit to distract ticket-buyers from the fact that all the musicians they came to see are washed up. Thus, the Gathering will feature ladies’ oil wrestling, open mics, karaoke, freestyle battles, a Faygo wet t-shirt contest, a “Miss Juggalette” contest, helicopter rides, astro jumps, the neden game (don’t ask), comedy, and of course wrasslin’.
There will be Oddball (hardcore) wrestling and Legends of Wrestling, featuring names from Terry Funk and Jerry “The King” Lawler to Rhino and one-legged Zach Gowen. There will also be Juggalo Championship Wrestling tryouts, so fans who dream of one day falling backwards through a flaming table onto thumbtacks for next to nothing can have their shot at the Gathering.
What might be the most intriguing aspect of this year’s gathering is the comedy lineup. Bonnaroo, you’ve been outdone. Not only will there be names like Brian Posehn, Big Money Hustlas‘ Harland Williams, and Jimmie “J.J.” Walker of Good Times, but the Gathering will provide a forum for several wrestlers to try their hand out at comedy! The Iron Sheik, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, Raven, King Kong Bundy, Colt Cabana, and Mick “Cactus Sac” Foley will all unlace the boots and grace the stage. That’s right, Tom Green in 2010, Dude Love in 2011.
If, somehow, this doesn’t knock your fuckin’ wigs off, maybe a corny video featuring Violent J, Vanilla Ice, DJ Clay, and some obnoxious chick (we’ll call her Tila Tequila 2011) will better accomplish that. In the video below, which varies between intentionally and unintentionally hilarious, Vanilla Ice describes the juggalos as the “greatest, most open-minded people on Earth” and, apparently not recognizing any irony whatsoever, he describes the Gathering as “completely void of staleness.” The infomercial’s narrator later champions the phenomenon by which “total strangers become your brothers and sisters” and wonders aloud why it’s so easy to get laid at the Gathering. Let’s hope that question answers itself.
Tickets are available at the Gathering’s website and at select Hot Topic stores. Of course, be warned — this is no Coachella, and as the infomercial suggests, “If you have a problem with juggalos, then you can stay home sitting on your dumb bitch ass!” Or you can go to Outside Lands, if that’s more your speed.