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Future Music Headlines

on November 16, 2012, 5:26pm

future headlines Future Music Headlines

There’s been no shortage of jaw-dropping headlines over the past few weeks: Dave Grohl and Trent Reznor are involved with Queens of the Stone Age, Paul McCartney almost died, INXS called it quits for the 17th time, and My Bloody Valentine’s Kevin Shields is crazy enough to think a new album will surface before 2013. At this rate, here’s what we can expect down the pipeline before the end of the world year comes to a close.

Green Day announce prequel trilogy

-Michael Roffman

Keith Richards drops out of Rolling Stones’ reunion tour, Johnny Depp offers to fill in

-Alex Young

M.C. Hammer “pretty pleased, all things considered” with his Spotify payouts

-Jeremy D. Larson

The Flaming Lips complete reworking of Hootie and the Blowfish’s Fairweather Johnson

-Michael Roffman

Taylor Swift pens album about her failed relationship with guy who was “Like an 87% match on OK Cupid.”

-Dan Pfleegor

Courtney Love is “actually working on a documentary about that bloodsucking tick Dave Grohl, who wishes he was Kurt and is seducing my daughter!”

-Alex Young

Chris Brown records duet album with Mark David Chapman

-Dan Caffrey

Buy Talking Heads’ actual clothes for $80

-Chris Coplan

Taylor Hawkins, Chris Shiflett, Pat Smear, and Nate Mendel also contributing to new Queens of the Stone Age album

-Jeremy D. Larson

MySpace “Tom” buys Pandora

-Alex Young

Paul McCartney fined for chopping down tree

-Michael Roffman

Jeff Mangum announces final sip of tea

-Drew Litowitz

The Rolling Stones cancel reunion tour, citing “creepy” Johnny Depp

-Alex Young

Morrissey turns down SXSW keynote because “Austin smells like gravy”

-Alex Young

Starbucks to release Valentine’s Day compilation on December 25th

-Ben Kaye

The Killers and Muse release new track, ”Vegas Isles 3001″

-Michael Roffman

Paul Westerberg injures hand gardening, cancels scheduled Replacements reunion at Coachella

-Dan Caffrey

Johnny Depp self-funds and stars in Keith Richards biopic

-Alex Young

Devendra Banhart signs multi-year endorsement deal with Hollister

-Dan Pfleegor

Johnny Depp hires Tim Burton to direct his Keith Richards biopic

-Alex Young

Jimmy Page disapproves of Robert Plant’s Primal Scream guest spot, secretly contributes maraca to The Stone Roses’ new LP

-Michael Roffman

Johnny Depp casts Helena Bonham Carter as Mick Jagger, predicts Academy Award-winning performance

-Alex Young

Sleigh Bells announce long-awaited holiday album. Ironically, it’s about Hanukkah.

-Dan Pfleegor

Nate Silver admits to designing that fake Coachella poster

-Chris Coplan

Big Boi announces deluxe reissue of Vicious Lies and Dangerous Rumors

-Michael Roffman

Johnny Depp’s Keith Richards biopic flops at the box office after receiving -4% on Rotten Tomatoes

-Alex Young

Guided by Voices announces new album: Quick, Pollard Isn’t Looking, Someone Please Help Us

-Michael Roffman

Johnny Depp announces bankruptcy, signs on for seventh Pirates of the Caribbean film

-Alex Young

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