CoS Exclusive FeaturesHotList 'Em Carefully

The 25 Weirdest Pieces of Band Merchandise

on July 12, 2013, 9:11am
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weirdmerch The 25 Weirdest Pieces of Band Merchandise

Think you’ll “Get Lucky” with those faux Durex Daft Punk condoms? What a laugh riot. While crazed fans will clench onto them in hopes of avoiding a night with the spank bank, Thomas Bangalter and Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo will be laughing their way to an actual bank. (Well, that is, if they’re actually real.) But you and I both know that’s not the first piece of rubbish to surface from any band’s camp. Not in a world where KISS exists, and especially not one where ravenous consumers are a dime a dozen.

Truth: Music fans are no different than the hulking masses that loiter next to Wal-Mart at 3 p.m. on the Monday before Thanksgiving. They have the same potential chaotic chutzpah as the idiots shooting people for a pair of LeBrons. And while our punk rock might say otherwise, we’re innate consumers, ready to feast upon whatever we can get and whenever it’s available. At the end of the night, no band manager needs to be Richard M. Schulze to get their band a quick buck or five.

That explains why those condoms exist (?) or why your next-door neighbor’s unemployed father hits Aspen every February with his tacky Rolling Stones skis in tow or how Gene Simmons continues to drink wine from the arteries of his newborn fans. Look, I get it, baby. I’m just as guilty as the poor sap waiting to order the Rammstein dildos. Fuck, slap on a Pearl Jam logo and woo-wee I’m sold.

Well, while that doesn’t exist (yet), we did find a few other items of note, the sort of purchases that would make your wallet literally jump out of your pocket, evolve into a cartoon character, and scream obscenities at you in disgust. Preferably in the mall. Or with Sinbad. You’ve stopped reading, haven’t you?

–Michael Roffman
President/Editor-in-Chief

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Shoegazeable
July 27, 2014 at 3:02 pm

I hope the TOBACCO and Black Moth Super Rainbow masks are on this list.

sookie99
July 27, 2014 at 2:07 pm

Another non toking wavves fan right here:))

Jonathan Compton
July 27, 2014 at 1:30 pm

I’m a Wavves fan and I don’t smoke. Just saying…

Anonymous
July 27, 2014 at 2:06 pm

Me either!!!!

Hokie
April 19, 2014 at 11:45 pm

Didn’t Dimebag Darrell get buried in a KISS Coffin?

ramai
July 19, 2013 at 5:54 am

Ramaiya Vastavaiya is an upcoming Bollywood romance film directed by Prabhu Deva. He is a choreographer, dancer, actor and director known for his works most widely in kollywood and tollywood. He has also worked for a few Bollywood, Malayalam and Kannada films.

http://ramaiya-vastavaiya-movie.in/

Justin Pritchard
July 14, 2013 at 7:55 pm

look up Less Than Jake merch. they’ve done really crazy awesome things for each tour since 1994 and still going. pez dispensers, pizza boxes, soda, silly string cans, etc etc

Kayla
July 13, 2013 at 2:15 pm

Just a few I’ve seen at shows:
The Soft Pack one-hitter
Man or Astro-Man silly straws
The Black Angels hot sauce
Dr. Dre magnetic refrigerator poetry

crperkins
July 12, 2013 at 9:51 am

I was at a Melvins show about they were selling canned meat

Matt Melis
July 12, 2013 at 11:44 am

That’s great. Consider it #26. And mind the expiration date, please.

Helen
July 12, 2013 at 12:15 am

For The White Stripes buttons, it cause it’s “the hardest button to button.”