Since turning 30, I’m often asked — usually by folks in their late 20s — how my life has changed. My response: children. No, not my own. Just children in general. They’re everywhere now. All of a sudden — and somehow, it seems, with much less than nine months warning — everyone I know has one or more of the dribbling bundles of joy and boogers.
Christmastime offered a perfect example. The holiday coatroom morphed into a makeshift baby-changing station; eggnog and shot glasses were bounced from the bar in favor of apple juice and sippy cups; and the normal holiday musical fare (not that I loved it all that much) was swapped out for mixtapes loaded with Raffi, The Wiggles, bastardizing Kidz Bop, and Barney (yeah, apparently that Mesozoic purple foam fuck has yet to go extinct).
It’s the musical affront that we’re concerned with today, though.
My mother used to joke (and, yes, it was a joke, mostly), “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.” Admittedly, a hard line to take with a preschooler, but I’m starting to appreciate her logic. If you go through all the trouble of bringing a child into this world, lovingly nurturing it, and de-prioritizing yourself for at least 18 years (closer to 30 these days, they’ll move back in with you several times), surely it’s not unreasonable to expect a little consideration and compromise in areas like the minivan CD changer.
Starbucks recently announced their Music for Little Hipsters compilation, a collection of songs designed to appeal to kids without making parents want to dump their scalding Ventis in their laps just to distract themselves from the pain in their ears. So, before Starbucks corners this market too, we give you 15 songs we actually wouldn’t mind listening to with our kids (theoretical and otherwise) on those endless rides to and from soccer practice.