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Starship Troopers is getting a reboot, and humanity deserves what it gets

on November 03, 2016, 3:30pm

“Come on, you apes! Do you want to live forever?”

It seems almost quaint, doesn’t it? The notion that anything — be it a film or an intergalactic soldier — can actually live forever is laughable in today’s creatively bereft Hollywood climate, which breeds reboot after mind-numbing reboot without ever asking the simplest of questions: Why?

According to the The Hollywood Reporter, Columbia Pictures is now rebooting Starship Troopers, the 1997 sci-fi film directed by Paul Verhoeven. Misunderstood by most in its time, Verhoeven’s fantastically campy and insidiously satirical film has since become something of a cult classic, and its subtle takedown of fascism has taken on new relevance in today’s political climate. Rest assured that the reboot will, in the grand tradition of 21st-century Hollywood, completely miss the point.

Mark Swift and Damian Shannon, the illustrious writing duo behind the forthcoming Baywatch movie, will write the unnecessary script for this unnecessary pile of space garbage. If that’s not enough to get you excited, how about this: Neal H. Moritz and Toby Jaffe — the same duo who shat the bed on 2012’s Total Recall reboot — are locked in to produce.

Those looking for just a glimpse of hope in all of this may find it in the studio’s claim that the new Starship Troopers won’t be a straight-up remake of the 1997 film. The reboot will draw more heavily on the sci-fi war novel by Robert A. Heinlein, originally published in 1959. Verhoeven took creative liberties when crafting his film, so maybe there is room in the world for another, very different film about an alien bug war. Then again, Verhoeven’s creative liberties are what made the original film memorable in the first place.

Alien bugs, if you’re out there: Just end it now.

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