R&B crooner R. Kelly‘s post-throat surgery recovery continues with the release of yet another new track, ”Share My Love”. The Barry White-esque cut is streaming below, and as the Village Voice points out, it serves as the first single off Kel’s upcoming 12th album, reportedly entitled Write Me Back.

Update: According to an issued press release, Write Me Back will arrive in May via RCA. “Share My Love” will be released digitally on February 14th.

As always, stay tuned for more info as it’s announced.

R. Kelly – “Share My Love”

Seafaring music fans already have several voyages at their disposal: the punk rock-heavy Bruise Cruise, the chilled out Jam Cruise, and the slightly nerdy Weezer Cruise. Offering a slightly different experience, R. Kelly‘s Love Letter Cruise will make its maiden voyage next October. The first rule aboard the SS R. Kelly? No peeing in the pool.

The five-day cruise sets sail on October 1st from Miami, FL and includes stops at several Caribbean ports. The real appeal, however, are the on-board amenities. As per an issued press release:

“An exciting time awaits you on Carnival Cruise Line ‘Destiny’, as R. Kelly presents a fabulous performance, never seen before at SEA. Enjoy delicious cuisines. Work up a sweat at the ‘Stepping Class’. Sign up for the ’12 Play’ Basketball Game. Pamper yourself with a massage, and select from more than 20 various games and activities on board, along with special guest artists. Don’t miss this exciting cruise with R. Kelly.”

Sadly, the “Trapped In A Closet Reenactment Booth” won’t be ready in time for departure.

Double rooms aboard the ship start at just $1,499; book your reservations here. Below is R. Kelly’s post-throat surgery return track entitled “Shut Up”.

After R&B crooner R. Kelly underwent emergency throat surgey back in July, his team of publicists announced he would be “laid up indefinitely.” As it turns out, indefinitely means four months (give or take), as Kelly recently dropped a new song via Twitter entitled, appropriately enough, “Shut Up”. Going out to “all the people out there that be running their mouth and they dont know what the hell they saying”, the Casio-powered tune is, as one might be able to tell, Mr. Kelly setting the record straight and confirming his career isn’t going anywhere. Check it out below.

In related news, Kelly recently confirmed that his autobiography, awesomely titled Soula Coaster: The Diary of Me, is now scheduled for release in Spring 2012. Stay tuned for more on the tome as it’s announced.

Acclaimed R&B singer R. Kelly underwent emergency throat surgery early Tuesday, reports USA Today. According to his publicist, the 44-year old Kelly had been experiencing throat pain for the past week and was rushed to Chicago’s Northwestern Memorial Hospital to have an abscess on his tonsils drained. The procedure will leave Kelly hospitalized for a short time and “laid up indefinitely.”

Kelly recently completed a summer tour in support of his latest LP Love Letter. It is not yet known when he’ll be able to resume performing.

In tow for the trek are soul sisters Keyshia Cole and Marsha Ambrosius, who will open up the shows.

In what’s guaranteed to be an evening of sexy slow-jams, and nu-motown tracks, it’s too tempting to stay away. He’s got allure, and he’s got hip-hoperas, and a reputed stage show that reflects his consummate professionalism. But, let’s be real: we’re there to get our swerve on to the sexy slow-jams.

Tickets are available via our Concert Calendar.

R. Kelly’s Love Letter Tour Dates:
04/27 – Offenbach, DE @ Capitol
04/28 – Cologne, DE @ Live Music Hall
04/30 – Paris, FR @ Le Bataclan
06/02 – Southaven, MS @ DeSoto Civic Center
06/03 – New Orleans, LA @ UNO Lakefront Arena
06/04 – Mobile, AL @ Civic Center
06/05 – Houston, TX @ Toyota Centre
06/10 – Oakland, CA @ Coliseum
06/11 – Los Angeles, CA @ Nokia Theatre L.A. Live
06/16 – Chicago, IL @ Allstate Arena
06/17 – St Louis, MO @ Chaifetz Arena
06/18 – Kansas City, MO @ Sprint Center
06/19 – Dallas, TX @ Verizon Theater
06/24 – Raleigh, NC @ RBC Center
06/25 – Atlanta, GA @ Philips Arena
06/26 – Birmingham, AL @ BJCC
06/29 – Cleveland, OH @ CSU Wolstein Center
06/30 – Newark, NJ @ Prudential Center
07/01 – Baltimore, MD @ 1st Mariner Arena
07/02 – Washington, D.C. @ Verizon Center
07/03 – Philadelphia, PA @ Mann Music Center

Most people overlook R. Kelly’s talent. It is understandable that a 23-part hip-hopera, in which Kells sings every part from himself to his wife to Omar from The Wire to an overweight, white, southern woman, is distracting and causes one to not notice the talent in his voice. The sheer lunacy of the story line is enough without the repetitive music loop.  And yes, the allegations—of which he was cleared—of urinating on a teenager could discredit talent. People did the same with Michael Jackson (whom R. Kelly gives a tribute to in the form of a bonus track cover of “You Are Not Alone”, which he sings the piss out of) while he was alive. Things get easily overlooked when teenage livelihood is in danger.

But, in the instance of Love Letter, you have no excuse to overlook his talent. Okay, so the opening track, “Love Letter (Prelude)”, is 50 seconds long and a bit odd with Kells singing a capella, “Dear ladies, it’s your boy January, and I would like to welcome all of you to the love letter all…bum!” But he sings it really well. Kells has solid new soul/R&B jams like “Love Letter” and “Number One Hit”—with the great lines, “I got a studio up in heaven, and it’s the perfect atmosphere. It’s guaranteed to take you platinum” and “You are my Elvis and Priscilla. My Michael Jackson Thriller. Smooth Operator by Sade…My movie star. My Coming to America. My Avatar!” He drops into older soul with ’70s funk track “Just Can’t Get Enough” and a very Marvin Gaye-sounding “Love Is ft. K. Michelle”. The latter being a sort of modern version of “Ain’t no Mountain High”.

“Music Must be a Lady”, “Radio Message” (another great ’60s via ’80s soul jam), and “When a Woman Loves” (with the gem “She got more faith in me than a beach got sand”) are more favorites that show if R. Kelly can just focus his mind a little, he can pull off some damn fine songs. Granted “Taxi Cab”, a song about R. Kelly having sex with a stranger in the back of a taxi cab (it was “like a hotel room”), is a little weird and kind of a weak link, but it’s still really damn entertaining.

There are some of you who might be leery of the kind words said about this album in this review, and I understand. If you are looking for another “Ignition”, you won’t find that here. What you will find is some sex-makin’ music and some fantastic soul music. This is a lights off and candles lit album, not a club album. You may think the kind words are more from the kitsch value of R. Kelly, but I assure you they are not. Give it some spins, and decide.

Rappers and rock stars get to live a life that no one could even imagine. They also get to be a part of some of the biggest and best parties. I often wonder, what is it like to party like a rock star and how can I be like them? After watching the video for R. Kelly’s smash hit “Ignition”, I had my answer.

The first thing I learned: Everyone dances in slow motion. I would have looked like an idiot if I showed up to this party, putting on my best moves at normal pace. It’s obvious that only the star of the party is the only one who is allowed to dance in real time.

Check out the :32 second mark behind Kelly’s left shoulder for tips on how you should not look at an R. Kelly party. This guy must have been a friend of the someone in the production crew, he looks wildly out of place.

Second thing I observed: The best place for a party is in a stretch Navigator limo. Here I am going to house parties and wasting money at bars, when I could be cruising around the streets in a limo full of 75+ people. The driver better keep his eyes on the road.

Around 1:35 you begin to notice just how many people at this party R. Kelly does not want to associate with. He has his arm around one gentleman who looks like he is having the least bit of fun of anyone there. Also on his mind could be, “how many coke and rums has R. Kelly had and where exactly is the bathroom in this place? because he sure is getting inappropriately close to me.” Also, as Kelly goes through the crowds he seems to not let anyone touch him. It is just too hard to check the ID of all of those women.

At 2:12, you learn exactly what R. Kelly’s head looks like. Good to know.

At 2:15, I learned it’s okay to bring my dad to the party if I want too.

From here on out it’s utter chaos. White guys break dancing, old men mixing with hot women, R. Kelly still dancing. It certainly looked like a good time but it seems a little egotistical (and sort of a buzzkill) of Kelly to sing the same song throughout the entire party. Although, the bar seems to have enough booze to make everyone in that limo make bad decisions, it doesn’t appear to be my scene. Plus, that white guy took all my best moves, with the exception of rolling the dice. However, if this is what happens when R. Kelly does a remix, I can’t wait for the “I Believe I Can Fly” party.

Love Letter isn’t duo out until December 14th, but the effort’s first single, “When A Woman Loves” (not to be confused with “When A Man Loves A Woman”), is already making Top 40 radio feel all kinds of desire and currently rests at No. 23 on Billboard’s R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart. Watch the song’s video below, which features a dapper looking Kelly going old-school. Yes, whether it’s in a three-piece suit or an over-sized jersey, Kells is the postmaster of love.

No word yet on a tracklist, but another single and a Christmas remix are due out sometime this month, so keep your eyes peeled. Love Letter will be out December 14th via Jive Records.

A rap opera.

Or… at least what comes to mind when one thinks of what a rap opera should be. Sadly, R. Kelly’s gargantuan 2005 fail had none of the above elements in the mix. At least somebody did teach him what constitutes a rhyme. That counts as rapping, no? (It doesn’t.)

“Trapped in the Closet” began as a chapter-by-chapter radio odyssey bestowing upon the American public the secret lives of sex and lies of Sylvester (played by Kelly) and his consorts. It was described as what would be the “first-ever rap opera.”

The starting clip, with its fancy green screen background and comic book superhero-style WordArt title, kicks off the simple beat that loops and loops, and loops again for 12 chapters spanning more than 40 minutes from then on. Oh, also, there is a vocal background of endless “ooh-ooh-oh’s” that adds… emotion, perhaps, to the troubadour.

From the pacing of the first line, “7 o’clock in the morning and the rays from the sun wakes me/Up,” the question, “Seriously??” arises. Kelly continues to “rap” about what’s happening in the video, pushing extra-long lines into the rhythm of the beat in order to tell his complex and unpredictable story in a less-than-lyrical way. (Please note italicized sarcasm.)

The first few chapters are enough to either get one hooked (if one can so easily be bought), or make one want to laugh and cry in utter confusion and intellectual pain (and therefore want to continue watching for the excellent comedic value). It’s especially hilarious how Kelly narrates his journey through various women’s beds in an-almost singing voice—actually, he is singing. He just shouldn’t be.

His words are bland and extremely lacking in figurative language, making them like a child’s recapitulation of an unusual event: overly explanatory and simplistic. Seriously, can “Trapped in the Closet” really be compared to this? Or even this?

It’s neither.

Someone obviously explained to Kelly that poetry is descriptive, and furthermore, so is story-telling. Therefore, he went ahead and wrote down every descriptive detail he could think about in his story, even marking how “a call comes through on [his] cell phone” and he “tried [his] best to quickly put it on vibrate,” stretching that last word out as if it were the last “Brave” in the Star-Spangled Banner at the Superbowl. What kind of emphasizing is that? He definitely took the whole operatic bit seriously.

Okay, so the lyrics are bad. The acting? Maybe better. Just a quick reminder, though. America, you did NOT need to watch this; Days of Our Lives and the Spanish novelas are still on the air. (And they will provide the same storyline, but will spare you the cheesy lip-synching and Kelly’s hilariously awful vocal sound effects.)

In the first chapter, when the woman beside whom he just awoke tells him her husband is heading up the stairs (typical, much?), he actually makes a “shh-shh” sound and incorporates it into the melody of the song. The same goes for a police siren and several other random noises that add about five points of funny to the videos. Once he’s in the closet (by the way, does he realize the connotation of the phrase “in the closet”?), he mentions how she’s so good at pretending she deserves an Oscar. Well, Kelly doesn’t, and he proves why in the gun sequence.

Bad as he is, Kelly is compelled to unsheathe his glock when the other man comes into the room, frowning. He plays the threatening, about-to-shoot-out-of-fear big man ever so flawlessly: unrealistically waving the handgun in the air loosely, hollering about this and that all over the place. Since he’s unable to actually shoot anyone, he just fires one up into the air—inside a fifth floor apartment. Of course that’s logical, the man was getting scared! There were people screaming everywhere! Bet the Wallaces on the sixth floor didn’t even notice the bullet hole in their new hardwood.

The best part of the video could probably be Kelly’s hectic car ride home. Stepping into a car that drives against a digitally enhanced background, mental images flash across the screen as Kelly dreads finding a man in his own home. The bluish tone and quick flicker of different images is the most visually engaging feature in the videos.

As the story flows on and the chapters pass along, the videos escalate in unbelievable hilarity. That is, disregarding the various displays of almost-domestic violence and bigoted “midget” stereotyping for the sake of humor. The plot doth thicken and the saga that may or may not have been at first purposefully comedic begins to be blatant in its ridicule.

A small observation: Did nobody notice that at the beginning Kelly narrates in the first person as Sylvester, and towards the end chapters he becomes a third-person narrator?

After the first few chapters, the realization sets in that this thing goes on for over 30 minutes. (!?!) Yes, it has indeed been about a half hour of mono-rhythmic talk-singing and lip-synching, all voices done by R. Kelly. Did people ever honestly like these videos? How did they make it all over the radio?

This is a kind of inexplicable venture into the world of operatic storytelling, and the best thing to come out of them may have been the IFC continuation.

As for 2009? Well, the Dirty Projectors became a household name, as did Twitter, Girl Talk turned into a gimmick, Kanye continued to be an asshole, online music streaming got big (and bought), and the sales of digital and vinyl releases continued to increase, while the Virgin Megastores and Sam Goody’s of the world went bye bye.

And that’s not even scratching the surface. Before we turn the page on the 2000s, we wanted to take one more look at the year that was the last 365 days. Music, here was your 2009…

Top Albums of 2009

As selected by the CoS Staff…

01. Animal Collective – Merriweather Post Pavillion

02. Passion Pit – Manners

03. The Avett Brothers – I and Love and You

04. The Decemberists – The Hazards of Love

05. Phoenix – Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix

06. Yeah Yeah Yeahs – It’s Blitz!

07. Kittens Ablaze – The Monstrous Vanguard

08. Wale – Attention Deficit

09. The Antlers – Hospice

10. The Dead Weather – Horehound

Click here for #11 – #100

Top Songs of 2009

As selected by the CoS Staff…

01. Phoenix – “1901″

02. Animal Collective – “Summertime Clothes”

03. Passion Pit – “Sleepyhead”

04. Grizzly Bear – “Two Weeks”

05. Phoenix – “Lisztomania”

06. Wale – “Triumph”

07. Jay-Z – “Run This Town” (feat. Kanye West and Rihanna)

08. Yeah Yeah Yeahs – “Heads Will Roll”

09. Girls – “Lust for Life”

10. Animal Collective – “My Girls”

Click here for #11 – #50

Headline Grabbers

There is always a few particular artists who seem to appear in the headlines more than others. Take these three for example:

Lil Wayne appeared on ESPN, began work on a rock ‘n’ roll album, talked gangsta with Katie Couric, won some Grammys, released the worst song ever, pushed back the release of his rock ‘n’ roll album, pushed back the release of his rock ‘n’ roll album again, told kids to stay in school, teamed up with Madonna, collaborated with Kanye, Eminem, and Drake, promised two albums before the year was out, plead guilty to weapon possession, released a stellar mixtape, watched his mom get a TV show, had his rock ‘n’ roll album mistakenly leaked, and got arrested again, all while actually failing to release any studio albums at all before the year was out. And to cap it all off, he’s going to prison in February!

For a band that didn’t release an album in 2009, Radiohead sure managed to grab quite a few headlines. Capitol Records reissued their discography, Thom Yorke debuted a new song, as well as contributed to the New Moon soundtrack, Ed O’Brien and Phil Selway collaborated with Neil Finn and Wilco, the entire band got together to release a tribute song for Harry Patch, the last surviving World War I combat soldier, Thom Yorke covered Mark Mulcahy’s “All for the Best”, the entire band got together again to release a track titled “These Are My Twisted Words”, Thom Yorke offered a secret 12″, Thom Yorke formed a new band and played some shows, the entire band got together for a third time to begin work on a new studio album, and Thom Yorke became really pissed about climate change.

You either loved or hated the amount of U2 present in 2009. Bono and crew got on their boots, played the Grammys, resided on Letterman, released a new album, teamed up with Brandon Flowers and Chris Martin, started talking another new album, took to Fordham University for a secret show, embarked on the first leg of their claw-featuring global 360 tour, tapped Muse as an opener, wrote a Broadway musical about Spider-Man, pissed off David Byrne, got reviewed in Chicago, reissued The Unforgettable Fire, apparently made no money, played the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall-of-Fame anniversary, titled their next album, wanted to be like The Beatles, plotted more tour dates for 2010, played a free Berlin Wall concert behind the backdrop of a different wall constructed by MTV to prevent those without tickets from watching U2 play a free Berlin Wall concert, teamed up with Jay-Z, got tapped for Glastonbury 2010, and announced a remix album.

Music Festivals

Despite a recession which saw a number of mid-tier summer music festivals call it quits, the big boys were as grand as ever. Coachella rounded up McCartney, Bonnaroo brought The Boss and Phish, and Lollapalooza finally saw Perry using his festival to his advantage. What’s more, Outside Lands proved once again that its a festival to be reckon with, while Sasquatch! demonstrated that Washington state can also rock hard. Hova was able to save All Points West from a mud filled weekend, Pitchfork continued to serve as a hipster’s wet dream, and the Virgin Mobile Festival reminded us that some good things can be free. Finally, Consequence of Sound hit South by Southwest for the first time, celebrating with events featuring the likes of Astronautalis, Gringo Star, Shad, 13ghosts, Kittens Ablaze, Catfish Haven, and Blueblood. Oh, and did we mention we have already begun planning for next year?

Supergroups

By the time December rolled around, there were as many supergroups in existence as there were non-supergroups…

Dave Grohl + John Paul Jones + Josh Homme = Them Crooked Vultures, Conor Oberst + M. Ward + Jim James = Monsters of Folk, Jack White + Alison Mosshart + Jack Lawrence + Dean Fertita = The Dead Weather, Thom Yorke + Flea + Nigel Godrich + Joey Waronker + Mauro Refosco = ???, Phil Lesh + Bob Weir = Furthur, Coldplay + Mew + a-ha = Apparatjik, Supergrass + Radiohead = The Hot Rats, Joe Budden + Joell Ortiz + Royce da 5’9″ + Crooked I = Slaughterhouse, King Khan + Black Lips = The Almighty Defenders, New Order + Blur = Bad Lieutenant, Sammy Hagar + Michael Anthony + Joe Satriani + Chad Smith = Chickenfoot

Reunions, Hiatuses, and Nothing at All!

Two 2009′s biggest themes were bands reuniting and bands calling it quits (or announcing extended hiatuses). And then there were those that couldn’t make up their mind at all.

Blur began its reunion, The Stooges revived Raw Power, Pixies gave it another go, Creed came back!, No Doubt did too, Faith No More hit Europe, Phish returned, The Murder City Devils reunited for Coachella, Sunny Day Real Estate returned for some grunge, Deadheads got the best Christmas present ever, Blink-182 got back together for the kids, Spinal Tap released a new album for the first time in 17 years, Sublime played a show and then got sued, Eminem reunited with D12, Simon and Garfunkel became friends, Limp Bizkit dusted off the red cap, Three members of the Velvet Underground got together for a discussion, Orbital celebrated its 20th anniversary with a reunion, Jawbox made its first live performance since 1997 on J-Fal, Faces reunited without Rod Stewart, while Take That did reunite with Robbie Williams, John Lydon moved on to Public Image Ltd., Cee-Lo got back together with Goodie Mob, The Jayhawks reunited, as did The Gories, and Ben Lee resurrected Noise Addict. Oh yeah, and some band named Pavement announced plans for a busy 2010.

On the other hand, Blur also ended its reunion, The Verve broke up again, Oasis had a fight, Flight of the Conchords called it quits, Music journalism died, Nine Inch Nails said goodbye, as did Harlem Shakes, The Broken West, and Pela, and Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band, Fall Out Boy, Foo Fighters, Blitzen Trapper, Bon Iver, Lily Allen, Deerhunter, and TV on the Radio all announced lengthy hiatuses.

Plus, we learned an At The Drive-In reunion apparently wasn’t a possibility, nor was the rumored Stone Roses comeback, Spacemen 3 got an offer, but declined, The Kinks kept thinking about it but still didn’t do anything, contrary to Courtney Love’s comments, Hole didn’t reunite, Pulp teased and then unteased, and Swans thought about it and didn’t. And not surprisingly, The Libertines, The Smiths, and Neutral Milk Hotel all continued to tease to no fruition, while Led Zeppelin continued the suspense.

Soundtracks with benefits

There’s nothing like a nice movie soundtrack or benefit album featuring some of our favorite musicians. 2009 exemplified this fact to the max…

Grizzly Bear, LCD Soundsystem, Badly Drawn Boy, Arcade Fire, Karen O and friends, Daft Punk, Nick Cave & Warren Ellis, Beck, Jay Farrar & Ben Gibbard, British Sea Power, Dengue Fever all provided sounds for the silver screen, as did the inane number of musicians appearing on the New Moon soundtrack.

Ben Gibbard, Fleet Foxes, and The Cave singers contributed to the Give Seattle charity album, while Tom Waits, Pete Seeger, and Jim James lent their talents to Preservation, an Album Benefiting Preservation Hall and Its Music Outreach Program. Our friends at Ear Farm rounded up Tom Tom Club, Sean Bones, tUnE-yArDs for their pro-Xmas Do you EAR what I EAR?. Peter Bjorn & John, Juliette Lewis, and White Rabbits helped fight malaria. The Climate change benefiting Rhythms Del Mundo Classics saw contributions from The Killers, The Rolling Stones, and Amy Winehouse. Stars (like Yorke and The National) collided for Mark Mulcahy. Hot Chip, The Hold Steady, and Lily Allen shared reinterpretations on War Child Heroes. And let’s not forget about Dark Was The Night, the tantalizing 31-track effort featuring the Dirty Projectors with David Byrne, Feist with Ben Gibbard, Sufjan Stevens, My Morning Jacket, and more, all in benefit of The Red Hot Organization and AIDS awareness.

Our Most Memorable Features

In addition to everything else that went down, 2009 also saw Consequence of Sound further expanded our feature stories. The following are some of our favorites/most memorable:

We brought you interviews with Pavement, Ms. Consequence of Sound herself, Regina Spektor, Tom Jones, Passion Pit, Slayer, Ben Kweller, The Gaslight Anthem, Flogging Molly, Anti-Flag, Margot & the Nuclear So and So’s, Hot Water Music, The Von Bondies, The Screaming Blue Messiahs, The Antlers, Boots Riley, Cymbals Eat Guitars, and Fleet Foxes’ J. Tillman. Oh and we talked with Los Campesinos! not once, but twice.

Our Editor-in-Chief Michael Roffman gave us the entire story of The Thermals, contributing writer Alyssa Spiel spoke with 311 about its 20th anniversary, and the one and only Cap Blackard spent the day with Astronautalis.

We listed everything from the Top 11 Influential Minds of Industrial Metal and Top 10 Grunge Albums to the  Top 10 Fake Bands and Top 10 Sleepiest Albums. We did some Audio Archaeology, dusted off some ol’ classics, shared our guilty pleasures, introduced you to some great new bands, and continued teaching Rock History 101.

As for the most commented posts of the year? That honor goes to Laina Dawes’ review of 311′s Uplifter.

The Year’s Most “Unique” Moments

We thought we’d close on a light note, as in this year’s stories and moments that, well, left us scratching our heads the most…

Bill Corgan wrote a song for the Super Bowl, Bruce Springsteen apologized for selling music through Walmart, Live Nation and Ticketmaster merged, Mandy Moore married Ryan Adams, Lil Wayne released “Prom Queen”, we wrote a post about the Jonas Brothers, Crystal Castles had a meltdown, Santogold had to change her name to Santigold, Manu Chao pissed off Mexico, Chickenfoot was actually real, Prince released a $2,100 iPod, Billy Corgan made a wrestling promo, Tupac revealed he might still be alive, Creed released a new album, Billy Corgan hired a 19-year-old drummer, Kanye West helped kids stay in school, Ron Artest paid homage to Michael Jackson, Reading Music Festival banned flags, Kidz Bop covered Kanye West, Ryan Adams became a video game reviewer, R. Kelly forgot to title his new album, Oasis broke up, Liam Gallagher formed Oasis 2.0, 30 Seconds to Mars and Kanye West released a song together, 7-Eleven reissued The Beatles, Snoop Dogg got himself a new name, Rivers Cuomo was interviewed by a dog, Diddy appeared on the Home Shopping Network, Morrissey and Johnny Marr emailed, Marilyn Manson got swine flu, Radiohead didn’t break up, Elvis Presley’s grandson scored a record deal, Starfucker changed its name, Fall Out Boy formed a metal band, and Pete Doherty sang a Nazi song.

Thank you!

Before we end our 2009 recap, we would just like to take one last moment to thank the individuals who have helped Consequence of Sound become what it is today. Thank you to the publicists who work hand-in-hand with us each and everyday, thank you to the festival promoters who continue to work with us despite the fact we ruin your lineup announcements, thank you to the message boards which provide such a bevy of information, thank you to those who email us news tips and music submissions, thank you to our fellow bloggers, thank you to our amazing and tireless staff, and thank you to our readers who have put trust in us and our the reason we keep at this 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

2009 was an amazing year for Consequence of Sound, but 2010 will be even better. Stay tuned for a number of brand new features, including that much needed change we’ve all been eagerly awaiting.

“Echo” feels like a guest spot on 808s and Heartbreak minus AutoTune and established rappers aching to sing (bring on the Kanye hate mail). The drums and Kelly mesh brilliantly, and alongside “Bangin’ The Headboard”, it makes for one of two rather impressive Untitled inclusions. Some bravado, some “baby, baby”, everything falls into place, and R. Kelly finally reverts back being himself. Next up is the sensual beat drive “Go Low”, which this reviewer did not take kindly to the first go ’round. It has found its proper placement, alongside the still infectious “Whole Lotta Kisses”. This pair owes a great deal to reintroduction, as this new approach brings fresh ears to the subject matter sans being bogged down by sequel status, retrofitted now for a clean-cut, point blank R&B/dance record. If we can see past the unfortunate choice for first single dubbed “Number One”, a cut featuring Keri Hilson and a ton of delusional grandeur, we arrive at a strictly party track titled “I Love The DJ”, which transitions us to the dance portion.

From here we travel in reverse, moving from bedrooms and whispered nothings to the dance floor — and we firmly believe that “I Love The DJ” should have been R. Kelly’s premiere single from Untitled, but once you snag the record you can decide for yourself. A “buddy system” has been implemented henceforth: “I Love The DJ” is followed by club banger “Supaman High” and disco-infused “Be My #2″; the two Fourth Quarter selections are side-by-side; the two worst songs placed at first are indeed paired up. If it was intentional, then the only logic is treating each set like a group of consecutively released EPs — much like a compilation, slightly disjointed, but still carrying a little weight behind it in terms of R. Kelly’s usual slick cat fare and sex romp foreplay, glazed by a few soprano upswings and a choir-trained diaphragm.

From this point on we hit a down slope, with “Text Me” as a throwaway piece of rehashed filler, “Religious” and “Elsewhere” iced with piano and subtle charms all their own (another pair indeed), and the all-important album closer “Pregnant” left reduced to a guest-heavy finale of guests we don’t particularly care about these days (doesn’t Tyrese have some more lame post-Soul Food copycat flicks to cut and print? Baby Boy 2, perhaps?). R. Kelly made a bold 50/50 shot and managed to suck in a 90s R&B washout, some 00s pop blandness, and The Dream (I can’t really say much about him, he’s The Dream). R. Kelly has been on his own for the most part, and did splendidly up until now, so I suppose this closer was his built-in panic button.

I sincerely respect R. Kelly for delivering this album after the Fourth Quarter fiasco had me completely lose my faith in his potential. It’s rare that anyone gets a chance to recover from a leaked project of absolute crap by re-recording 90% of said project with a different outlook altogether successfully, so R. Kelly ought to be thanking his publicist’s lucky stars, as well as his own. Face facts as I have, ladies and gentlemen: R. Kelly might be coming to the end of his reign, but today he backpedaled a step and managed to churn out a couple of decent hits. Hopefully when it is all finally said and done, he has the good graces to bow out appropriately as the gentleman he once was, and now strives to be again.

We do not need this Romeo seeking love on VH1 reality television afterward, or we may well face riots and globally-depleted intelligence quotients.

Buy:
Untitled

Recorded outside of Kelly’s native Chicago, the album features production work by the likes of Lil Ronnie, Chris Henderson and Infinity. In case you’re wondering about the vibe of the album, Kelly told guests at an album preview party that it it came from some heavy partying. Partying that is, thankfully, without documentation.

“For three months straight, I threw a party at my house every weekend. … Like 200 girls come over, and there’s some guys too, like four or five, but no pictures, so we can all be ourselves,” Kelly said. “Then I’d play the music and see how they would react… if they didn’t feel it, I’d go back downstairs and rework it…”

Let your imaginations roam on that one. The album has already generated a hit duet with Keri Hilson called “Number One”. The latest single, “Religious” premiered on Kelly’s YouTube page. Kel’s on tour for the album now and should be out on the road until early December.

R. Kelly 2009 Tour Dates:
10/22 – Atlanta, GA @ Fox Theatre
10/23 – Chattanooga, TN @ Chattanooga Memorial Auditorium
10/24 – Charleston, SC @ Gaillard Municipal Auditorium
10/25 – Augusta, GA @ William B. Bell Auditorium
10/27 – Birmingham, AL @ BJCC Concert Hall
10/29 – Grand Prairie, TX @ Nokia Theatre At Grand Prairie
10/30 – Houston, TX @ Reliant Arena
10/31 – New Orleans, LA @ Lakefront Arena
11/01- Memphis, TN @ Orpheum Theatre
11/05 – Los Angeles, CA @ Nokia Theatre
11/06 – Las Vegas, NV @ Planet Hollywood Theatre
11/07 – Oakland, CA @ Paramount Theatre
11/12 – Indianapolis, IN @ TBA
11/14 – Detroit, MI @ TBA
11/15 – Milwaukee, WI @ Milwaukee Theatre
11/17 – Chicago, IL @ Auditorium Theatre
11/20 – Louisville, KY @ Louisville Palace Theatre
11/21 – Charlotte, NC @ TBA
11/22 – Greensboro, NC @ Special Events Center
11/24 – Washington, DC @ TVA
11/27 – Jacksonville, FL @ Moran Theater
11/28 – Miami, FL @ Knight Concert Hall
11/29 – Tampa, FL @ Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center
12/04 – Norfolk VA @ TBA
12/05 – Richmond, VA @ TBA
12/06 – Cleveland, OH @ Palace Theatre
12/08 – St. Louis, MO @ Fabulous Fox Theatre

In an interview with Blackvoices.com (via Prefix), R. Kelly claimed that he is going to finish the album Michael Jackson was allegedly working on before his untimely death last June.

“I recorded five joints for Michael Jackson (in the past). And we had been talking on the phone about his new album, and I was going to finish what Michael was doing at the time. We’re going to get it out though. Michael liked the way I would try to sing the songs just like him.”

As previously reported, Kelly is already working on one release so profound he didn’t bother titling it. Here’s hoping for another…

Originally slated for a 2010 release, Kells follow up to 2007′s Double Up was original titled 12 Play, 4th Quarter. But after that leaked, the whole album was re-recorded. Undoubtedly, things were delayed because of his most recent legal snafu. All that’s behind the Chicago native now and Untitled is set for an October 13th release. And with this being his ninth album, expect the old standbys (hypersexualized lyrics, stripper poles, the hottest producers, etc.) and something wholly new: Yodeling.

Those jonesing for something new until October can seek out his first-ever mixtape released back in June called The Demo Tape presented by DJ Skee and DJ Drama. Don’t pretend like you won’t, either. And if that’s not enough, down below you can check out the new album’s first single, “Number One”, which features Keri Hilson. Tour dates for the currently venue-less Ladies Make Some Noise Tour are after the jump. According to the Kelly camp, fans can expect something up close and personal.

We’re just holding back on the jokes with that one.

Untitled Tracklist:
01. Crazy Night
02. Outta the Game
03. Exit
04. Echo
05. Bangin’ the Headboard
06. Text Me
07. Number One
08. Like I Do
09. Elsewhere
10. Fallin’ From the Sky
11. Religious
12. #1 Fan
13. Be My Number 2
14. Supa Man High

R. Kelly 2009 Tour Dates:
10/08 – Mashantucket, CT
10/09 – Boston, MA
10/10 – Albany, NY
10/11 – Baltimore, MD
10/13 – Philadelphia, PA
10/15 – Newark, NJ
10/16 – New York CIty
10/18- Pittsburgh, PA
10/20 – Cincinatti, OH
10/22 – Atlanta, GA
10/23 – Chattanooga, TN
10/25 – Augusta, GA
10/27 – Birmingham, AL
10/29 – Dallas, TX
10/30 – Houston, TX
10/31 – New Orleans, LA
11/01- Memphis, TN
11/05 – Los Angeles, CA
11/06 – Las Vegas, NV
11/07 – Oakland, CA
11/12 – Indianapolis, IN
11/14 – Detroit, MI
11/15 – Milwaukee, WI
11/17 – Chicago, IL
11/20 – Louisville, KY
11/21 – Charlotte, NC
11/22 – Greensboro, NC
11/24 – Washington, DC
11/27 – Jacksonville, FL
11/28 – Miami, FL
11/29 – Tampa, FL
12/04 – Norfolk VA
12/05 – Richmond, VA
12/06 – Cleveland, OH
12/08 – St. Louis, MO

The answer is easy – nobody cares.

The ’90′s crooner had it going on for years!  The infamous “Bump & Grind”, the Space Jam pop hit “I Believe I Can Fly”, and his brutally detailed opera “Trapped In The Closet” were all substantial hits.  His child pornography charge gave him as much recognition as Michael Jackson or OJ Simpson.

All the while, Kelly sits in the dim light of an attempt at sequential concept albums with only the concept of wooing women into his “after party.”  Forever will I respect those with choir vocals and physique I could only dream of having, and forever will I agree that bad publicity is still publicity.  Unfortunately, R. Kelly has moved forward from publicity icon to paparazzi gimmick.

Hell, if Simpson can move on can’t you?  Wait, that was too soon.

12 Play: Fourth Quarter is supposedly the finale of four albums, the others including 12 Play, TP-2.Com, and TP-3: Reloaded.  Did no one explain to him the nature of crappy sequels? Apparently not.

One can speculate all day about innocence or guilt in his court case, and one can certainly question the intent of a man who uses “Ignition” sex metaphors as the basis for a club hit during the process of said case.  The fact of the matter is he has become old news both artistically and personally.  Everyone saw this coming as soon as he opted to write “Gotham City” for the Batman & Robin soundtrack, but we all turned a blind eye because – well, he’s R. Kelly.

I won’t sit here and continue bashing him, even though he sadly deserves it, because that’s not why we’re here. 12 Play: Fourth Quarter is a CD worth at least the attention of a critic, so we’ll give it that much.

Let us state the facts, shall we?  “Wanna Make A Baby” is a straightforward R&B song with tales of romance and really hot sex, while “Hair Braider” can be considered truly respectable with lines like “thick, tight braids, got ‘em lookin’ like spaghetti.”

What could possibly go wrong here?  Second single “Skin” is (wait for it) a straightforward R&B song with tales of romance and really hot sex that also happens to reference our very talented favorite Soulja Boy, while “Screamer” is a…

…you get the point.

The only really good song on this entire record ends up being “Go Low”, except for the fact that this “low” club hit idea was already done about 10 times before in this same decade.  Add that to a singer who has traded his one single talent of vocals for an auto-tune and you have yourself a pure vanity recording; no doubt R. Kelly has reached the end of his rope.

But don’t hate, Kelly – no such thing as bad publicity and you should never forget that.  Now, go cry into your tissues and we’ll catch you on the flip side of your two-ply (I mean twelve play).

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