“I love their music,” Jonas says. “I just listen to a bunch of stuff that you dance to, kind of electro-based [music].” He added that Justice, Frankmusik, and “a lot of Electro DJs out in Europe” are influencing his tastes as well and that he set out to create a more adult-contemporary album before moving towards a dance-oriented sound. “[Danja and I] have been able to collaborate on something that really works for me,” says Jonas, “when people hear it, hopefully they’ll be able to dance and have a good time.”

While we were still admittedly too busy regretting our decision to leave his band’s latest album – Lines, Vines, & Trying Times – off of our year end best albums list in 2009, we really had no idea that the bearded JoBro even had a solo disc coming. Produced by Timbaland protégé Danja, the LP could be released before the year is over.

As one might expect in the era of dwindling CD sales, the top dogs are making money based on other endeavors. This year’s list “[comprises], among other variables, monies earned from CD and digital sales, publishing royalties and all forms of streaming,” according to the article. And of course tours. The top earner last year (it’s not even close, folks) was U2. With a whopping $108,601,283 made, U2′s figures reached almost twice as much as number two guy Bruce Springsteen. Bono and co. can thank — or pat themselves on the back for — the huge 360° tour for making them (and Africa) so wealthy. Other tours bringing in the dough: Madonna’s record-setting “Sticky & Sweet” tour, the Jonas Brothers’ world tour, Kenny Chesney’s tour (1 million tickets sold for seven consecutive years), and Metallica’s arena tour, which drew close to a million fans in 2009 (Guitar Hero: Metallica was good for some loose change, too). Metallica’s only 10th on the list but earned $25.5 million. Major labels may be irrelevant, but you can’t argue with these figures. Sheesh.

Other artists making the list include the late Michael Jackson, who sold truckloads of CD’s and ringtones; dutch violinst Andre Rieu on his 30th-anniversary tour; Trans-Siberian Orchestra, which has found a genius niche that is not likely to abandon the band anytime soon; and Leonard Cohen, who needed the money and apparently chose a reliable way to make it. The list also includes the names you expect to see there: Nickelback, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, and Beyonce. Not among 2009′s biggest earners: Lady GaGa, Black Eyed Peas, and Kanye West, despite being everywhere all the time.

Check out the full list here.

“I was pretty surprised it all worked out,” explained frontman Ezra Koenig (via Spinner) of his all-star cast. “We always thought RZA would be perfect. We’d been in touch with Lil Jon since the first album. He heard the reference on ‘Oxford Comma’ and sent us some cases of Crunk Juice. Joe Jonas and Jake Gyllenhaal were both excellent — lot of improvisation and some surprisingly powerful serves.”

As for the video itself, it sees the band’s longtime friend “Jenny” + celebrity guests engaged in a tennis match (sort of). Highlights include Gyllenhaal’s short shorts and intoxication, RZA looking like he is in the Matrix, and Ezra’s headband. We won’t tell you how the actual extravaganza ends, though it incorporates one of those life lessons – Damn Yankees! — so you can probably guess what happens.

The Jonas Brothers are bad pop, the kind that is created and pushed down our collective throats by a mega-corporation. Why would I give them any more attention than the mainstream media already does? Why am I furthering their plot to ruin music and the minds of young girls everywhere?!

Because Nick Jonas makes me feel hopeful.

A little background first: The Administration is Jonas’ side project. He’s got an album out in February with producer John Fields, who has also produced Andrew WK and Rooney. This performance is the first time he and the band have played live in front of a crowd, one that was made up of music industry giants, musical royalty, and, of course, his brothers, Joe and Kevin. And while the performance could go either way (depending upon your location on the puberty line graph), it had an impact on Jonas himself and maybe for the future of mainstream music.

For those who think I am a tool, I am willing to make concessions: The song, “Who I Am”, isn’t that great. It’s that same kind of Jonas-ified rock, that vaguely pre-pubescent Paul McCartney mixed with some less than stellar Stevie Wonder, topped off with a final dash of blues that’s as emotionally dense as any sheltered white male can muster. So, no, the song isn’t something to be excited about, but what is truly great about the performance and the video are the tiny, underlining details it offers.

First and foremost, for good and bad, this lets you bear witness to a beginning. Whether you rock a Jonas Brothers half t-shirt or have started an Internet chat group damning their existence, there is something wonderful about witnessing the first time a performer takes the stage. A crystallized moment that, years from now, you can say you saw and that your feelings toward the act were justified from the very start or how you can trace the path of love to hate or hate to love or even sheer indifference. A site like YouTube offers us that opportunity to see and be connected to something, and while you may never want to watch a Jonas brother get down, this is a perfect example of the power of the medium.

The deeper you dig for context and clues, the more important this performance is. Take, for example, the intro by Kevin and Joe. For reasons of band cohesiveness and album sales, the band has always been pushed as the closest of close. If you hate the brothers, take special joy in sampling the faintly detectable bile the two have during their little intro. And it gets even more scrumptious during the crowd applause bit, where the two show even less emotion then they ever have before. Coupled with the exaggerated applause of Taboo from the Black Eyed Peas, your day should be made. But if you look at it like I did, you felt a sense that this is Nick Jonas doing something outside his Disney-mandated sphere. Sure, they’ll profit just the same, and nothing new and dynamic will probably come of it, but it felt like a real, unplanned moment that is brimming with awkwardness and potential.

But the best moment is at the end (around 4:20 or so) where the triumphant young Jonas has gotten through the performance without throwing up. The crowd is elated (again, except for his brothers, whose only smiles seem to be smirks that the camera has finally come home to their dreamboat faces) and all is right. And with victory in the air, surely it’s time that our hero celebrates. Jonas surveys the crowd, bows a few times, and the video ends to the cheers of approval, all while Jonas never cracks what should be the biggest, goofiest smile. It was a lackluster performance, punctuated by several visible errors, and he realizes it, looking not fulfilled, but severely disappointed. That moment makes this video. It instills within me a sense that the youngest brother in the band who are the leaders of a new school of pop actually cares about music. He believes in it so much that he isn’t happy with the boatloads of adoration and was looking to craft something real and rocking; he recognizes his failure and isn’t pleased to let the corporate machine make it all better.

This is one little performance that most people have surely forgotten about. But whether you want something to laugh about or an earnest shot at seeing something visceral from something so glimmery and clean, the video should make its way to your playlist. I may be reading too it much into, but maybe I’m just hoping that something so insignificant has meaning because so much doesn’t. Mainstream pop is a world we all love as kids; top 40 hits are the only reason many of us discover music in the first place. And while we look at the Billboard charts as a cancer to the real music of the world, this performance instilled with me the notion that maybe it’s not that bad after all, and there is musical responsibility and not just noise for the sake of pleasing a largely unknowing crowd.

Believe it or not, this album is mildly better than past releases, but while differences and slight improvements do exist, real progression in songwriting appears scarce. Lyrics ride the same tangent of good fun and donate occasional sparks of real world experience. The brothers do show off more experimentation with a variety of instruments, leaning more towards BBMak than ordinary “boy bands”, and in turn earning them some respect. That is to say, I always feel more inclined to appreciate pop groups who can actually play music.

Speaking to musical diversity, there are elements of bluegrass, swing, and big band here that really add a mature texture to an otherwise sappy record. Key examples here include the opener “World War III” as it describes a fight between two lovers. Considering recent news of Kevin Jonas’ engagement to Danielle Deleasa, it seems there has been a little growing up beyond the recording studio making this track feel sincere. While some critics have been displeased with the instruments present on Lines, Vines & Trying Times, claiming they bog things down, it actually brings better definition and enhances the albums dimensions.

Another positive element involves the presence of three notable guest appearances. Blues guitar star Jonny Lang adds a little adult swagger to “Hey Baby”; Common throws his two cents into “Don’t Charge Me For The Crime” (though this song feels a bit out of place among the rest); and predictable tag-along Miley Cyrus chimes in on “Before The Storm”. The real treasure in this trio resides in Lang, who blends well into this pop culture fold, contradictory to expectations. By record sales, one gets the feeling this more mature take on The Jonas Brothers sound has caused a mild rift in fandom. Is this unexpected? Not really. Sometimes pop music for acts like this can still be hit or miss regardless of fan base. Trends change constantly and between a new TV series and a dabble in charitable foundation politics, no one can really argue that the bubblegum charm is beginning to morph for this trio.

For those who would drive this review into the ground via remarks about mainstream radio and the irrelevance of covering a Christian-oriented pop band, nothing could be more juvenile: Jonas jokes and jabs are a dime a dozen. Love ‘em or leave ‘em, but there is no question these boys are serious about their music. Despite how much we all enjoy mucking about dispensing silly quips regarding cheesy songs, in the end, some trends still impact the industry and thus merit some observation. Lines, Vines & Trying Times is one of those albums that only the fans (and their parents perhaps) will truly appreciate for what it is; however, it could have been much much worse. I give The Jonas Brothers one star for each sibling and a “B” for sheer effort.

Pop music in all of its incarnations remains a blessing and a curse — remember this when you catch yourself accidentally dancing to “Burnin’ Up” or God forbid “Genie In A Bottle”.

Check Out:

Buy:
Lines, Vines and Trying Times

But back to the Brothers Jonas. These kids are rich, famous, highly sought after, and [vexingly] grounded. They are confessed followers of Jesus Christ, sworn virgins, and well-manicured fashion-kings of the 12-18 year-old set. Brilliant. But, what do they do once they find it necessary to shave everyday? Do they have plans for the future? It’s true they wear “purity rings” to represent their willful allegiance to abstinence, but what happens when the hormones outweigh the pledge?

This will likely never happen, as each brother seems quite insistent that his plight is hardly a media ploy. These dudes aren’t three male Brittney Spears clones who we’ve been tricked into believing are the best representations of the few remaining squeaky-clean youths in America.

Are they?

This calls into the question of “What if?” What if our nation’s youth has been fooled again into believing their heroes are truly “true,” and are in fact speed-metal-loving, poon-chasing, booze-guzzling acid heads whose faith in the demonic antics of Metallica [circa 1986, before their of their respective births] outweighs their belief in Jesus Christ? I realize this is like barking up a tree that doesn’t house a feline, but it’s fun to speculate, right?

Imagine is Joe’s hair-straightener is actually his mistress whose relationship to Joe is kept secret from her pimp for fear both of them would be “offed” if their secret got out.

Could you imagine the worldwide shock that would ensue if Paul turned out to be a 37-year-old session guitarist whose lust for “younger women” drove him to fool the entire universe that he was actually a mind-mannered, barely-legal axe-wielding aficionado whose distaste for the Satanic undertones in Black Sabbath’s music was a complete lie?

Would we be able to handle a world in which Nick, the youngest Jonas brother, had a voice so unspectacular, he made Ashley Simpson look like a sonically beatific concoction of Joan Baez, Celene Dion, and the real voices behind the blasphemous scam that was Milli Vinilli?

These are the questions that circulate in the backs of the minds of Disney’s higher-ups. Rest assured. They had better cash in their chips before the real Jonas Brothers step out from the shadows their angelically marketed selves have cast upon them.

New Kids On The Block didn’t have any real staying power (despite their recent insistence to release a “come back” record), but let’s face it, we preferred their backstage party-stories to the comparatively tame tales of the Jonas’ brothers frolic in the park with former first lady Laura Bush, right?

Right?

What we’re doing by giving our children The Jonas Brothers, is we’re giving them the wrong idea. Rock n’ roll is supposed to be dangerous. Sound dangerous. Feel dangerous. Have you listened to their music? Honestly, they have decent hooks, but it’s scary how quickly you feel yourself being lured to the “good side.” It’s like a hyper-Religious Jedi-mind trick Joe, Nick, and Paul craftily sling at their listeners.

It’s almost as if you become temporarily convinced a life could be fulfilled by having a sole sexual partner. For those of you who believe this, a.) I apologize, b.) it’s likely we have little to nothing in common, and c.) you probably shouldn’t’ read on.

I grew up watching my father parade around the duplex shredding a mean, mean air guitar salute to AC/DC, Zeppelin, and The Who. My mom occasionally showcased her shockingly accurate Grace Click impersonations a they serenaded the neighborhood from our kitchen as we slung together two-dozen Christmas cookies for our like-minded, rock-n’-roll-adoring downstairs neighbors.

Had I been raised by Disney’s rendition of what a rock n’ roll band should be “about,” I would be an entirely different person. Chances are I’d already be married, and sitting across the table from my vacant-stare-donning wife as we collectively tried to avoid making any relative attempts at dry conversation.

I certainly hope we’re being fooled, and the real Jonas Brothers [please] stand up, and rock out with their c*&^s out, because it’s hardly frivolous to ask if they even have these unmentionable appendages. Why would they need them? How different are they from Ken Dolls who can shred?

Asking rhetorical questions ain’t so admirable, but it’s better than sitting through a four second of Camp Rock. May these brother’s creators careers continue to flourish? May I be forced to eat my own words by a legion of adoring Jonas fans? Stay tuned.

Could this be what we’re not seeing?

Hey kids! Guess who’s coming to a town near you this summer? That’s right, the one and only Jonas Brothers! Following some fun in the sun, aka The Bahamas, and a few stops in Europe, Nick, Kevin and Joe will hit America for a two month U.S. tour, and don’t you worry, everyone looks to be included! Beginning in late May, The Jo Bros will kick off their 44-date extravaganza at Dallas Cowboys New Stadium in Texas. From that point on, the trio will hit just about everywhere, even Idaho, before ending in Canada at the end of August. American Idol winner Jordin Sparks and New Jersey rockers Honor Society will be performing in support. Tickets – ask you parents what those are- go on sale beginning March 20th, but if you’re a fan club fan club member you can get them four days earlier – on March 16th.

And…Done!

See, that wasn’t all too bad. Plus, you got to give The Jonas Brothers props. After all, name me three other kids who grossed $30.2 million in ticket sales in 2008. If you aren’t nice to them, they could buy you as a slave!

The Jonas Brothers 2009 Tour Dates:
03/14 – Paradise Island, BS @ Atlantis Live
03/22 – Hato Rey, PR @ Coliseo de Puerto Rico
04/18 – Paradise Island, BS @ Atlantis Live
05/09 – Paradise Island, BS @ Atlantis Live
05/19 – Lima, PE
05/20 – Santiago, CL
05/21 – Buenos Aires, AR
05/23 – Sao Paolo, BR
05/24 – Rio de Janerio, BR
06/13 – Madrid, ES @ Palacio de Deportes
06/14 – Paris, FR @ The Zenith
06/15 – London, UK @ Wembley Arena
06/20 – Dallas, TX @ Cowboy Stadium
06/22 – Tulsa, OK @ BOK Center
06/24 – Denver, CO @ Pepsi Center
06/26 – Nampa, ID @ Idaho Center
06/27 – Portland, OR @ Rose Garden Arena
06/28 – Tacoma, WA @ Tacoma Dome
06/30 – Vancouver, BC @ General Motors Place
07/02 – Edmonton, AB @ Rexall Place
07/04 – Salt Lake City, UT @ Stadium of Fire
07/05 – Winnipeg, MB @ MTS Centre
07/07 – Omaha, NE @ Qwest Centre
07/08 – Minneapolis, MN @ Target Center
07/09 – Milwaukee, WI @ Bradley Center
07/10 – Rosemont, IL @ Allstate Arena
07/13 – Washington, DC @ Verizon Center
07/14 – E. Rutherford, NJ @ IZod Center
07/17 – Boston, MA @ TD Banknorth Garden
07/20 – Uniondale, NY @ Nassau Coliseum
07/24 – Philadelphia, PA @ Wachovia Center
07/25 – Pittsburgh, PA @ Mellon Arena
07/26 – Detroit, MI @ Palace of Auburn Hills
07/28 – St. Louis, MO @ Scottrrade Center
07/29 – Kansas City, MO @ Sprint Center
08/01 – Las Vegas, NV @ Mandalay Bay Events Center
08/03 – San Jose, CA @ HP Pavilion at San Jose
08/04 – Sacramento, CA @ ARCO Arena
08/05 – Fresno, CA @ Save Mart Center
08/07 – Los Angeles, CA @ Staples Center
08/11 – Phoenix, AZ @ Jobing.com Arena
08/13 – San Antonio, TX @ AT&T Center
08/14 – Houston, TX @ Toyota Center
08/15 – New Orleans, LA @ New Orleans Arena
08/16 – Birmingham, AL @ BJCC
08/18 – Tampa, FL @ St. Pete Times Forum
08/19 – Ft. Lauderdale, FL @ Bank Atlantic Center
08/21 – Jacksonville, FL @ Jacksonville Veterans’ Memorial
08/22 – Atlanta, GA @ Philips Arena
08/23 – Lexington, KY @ Rupp Arena
08/25 – Nashville, TN @ Sommet Center
08/26 – Columbus, OH @ Nationwide Arena
08/27 – Cleveland, OH @ Quicken Loans Arena
08/29 – Montreal, QC @ Bell Centre
08/30 – Toronto, ON @ Rogers Centre
08/31 – Ottawa, ON @ Scotiabank Place

11:30 p.m.: Well, some three hours and thirty minutes later, the 2009 edition of The Grammys is officially over. Needless to say, tonight definitely had its highs and lows. Blink? Green Day? Robert Plant? Chris Martin losing? Hey, M.I.A. even made it in one piece. Check back tomorrow for a full recap. We’ll also be updating this post with videos from tonight as they pop up. Until then…

11:25 p.m.: I guess this means Robert Plant doesn’t need to fall back on his old bandmates anytime soon. Then again, got to give props to The Grammys for its choice of Plant & Krauss for “Album of the Year”. Never would have expected that.

11:20 p.m.: Krauss and Plant really know how to “rock it out.” Nice quaint performance. Too bad they’re overshadowed by the one…the only…Green Day! Oh, I really did win that $20 dollars. 21st Century Breakdown? Oh, I can’t wait. Hmm. Seems that “quaint” performance just won Album of the Year. It’s going to be a long night for Radiohead fans. A lo-o-o-ong night. On the plus side…Green Day and Blink-182 are back? nick, who posted below, said it best: Pop Disaster Tour 2? Here’s to my second concussion of the night!

11:13 p.m.: It’s good to know Jay-Z stood up and applauded for Lil Wayne. Some might have expected him to throw a fit, storm out of the room, and curse at the camera. Oh wait, that’s Kanye. Good sportsmanship, Jay-Z! On that note, who still thinks Lupe is going to “retire”?

11:09 p.m.: By the way, what time does Daft Punk come on?

11:08 p.m.: Was anyone else hoping Lil Wayne would have debuted “Prom Queen”?

11:03 p.m.: LT. DAN!!! YOU GOT NEW LEGS!!

11:00 p.m.: What’s that? Green Day to announce “Album of the Year”? I just won a $20 dollar bet. Nice.

10:52 p.m.: And we’ve reached the point of the evening when bed sounds awfully appealing. Thankfully, the anticipation for Green Day’s “special surprise” is keeping us going…

10:50 p.m.: Comingtoyaaaahaaaa!!!

10:47 p.m.: Well, I guess not even The Grammys can mess up a Neil Diamond performance. I can’t believe I just said that…

10:42 p.m.: Ray Charles or The Four Tops? Make up your mind Jamie! Admittedly, this is wild. God, I wish this music existed today.

10:36 p.m.: [Insert obligatory self righteous speech] Yawn!

10:33 p.m.: This song ain’t half bad. Good job, JT! I love the guitar solo…so “heroic.”

10:30 p.m.: Hey, it’s Mace Windu!

10:20 p.m.: Blue lights? Check. Wall of student marching band members? Double check. One wild and eccentric British band? Sort of. A kick ass Jonny Greenwood, though? You know it! It’s “15 Step”, folks. The performance Drew Litowitz has been waiting for all month! For those that didn’t attend any music festival last year, this should be a surprise for you. Oh, who am I kidding? This is pretty amazing.

10:18 p.m.: Neil Diamond coming next? Let’s see how they screw this performance up. My guess is that they’ll throw in Taylor Hicks. Then the two of ‘em can croon out some rawk.

10:12 p.m.: Sugarland? Time to add some YouTube videos. Scroll down…

10:07 p.m.: Jay Mohr? Wow. Now it’s 1996!

10:06 p.m.: John Mayer should get a tattoo on his face. Then, he’d be cool.

10:05 p.m.: If Kid Rock wins this [Best Male Pop Vocalist], I’m going to die….oh, thank god! John Mayer! So much better.

9:57 p.m.: Well, it’s not Led Zeppelin but Dave Grohl certainly has peaked in his career at this moment. Talk about a high point! Wow. Macca! Grohl! Coachella ’09! I’m going to go take a cold shower.

9:54 p.m.: On a side note, watching M.I.A. dance around stage made me feel all awkward inside.

9:50 p.m.: Kanye? A pregnant and trashy lookin’ M.I.A.? Lil’ Wayne? Jay-Z? Talk about a real “Superjam”! Bonnaroo, take down some notes.

9:42 p.m.: LED ZEPPELIN!!!

9:40 p.m.: Sigh, the obligatory P. Diddy appearance. Hey, at least it’s for a big nomination. Nice, the “Record of the Year” award goes to Alison Krauss & Robert Plant. I’d be excited if it didn’t mean the lack of a Led Zeppelin reunion. If these two don’t wed, they’re bound for another record. Cool…I guess. Oh, Slash is coming up soon. Maybe he’ll snag a Jonas Brother for Velvet Revolver 2.0.

9:38 p.m.: Was anyone else hoping Morgan Freeman was talking about Christian Bale? Time for another drink…

9:33 p.m.: For those interested, blink182.com is officially updated:

9:30 p.m.: And we have our first Kanye West sighting of the day. Seriously, does the man ever disappoint? His rendition of “American Boy” with Estelle was actually solid and if you combine the fact that he appears to be gunning for a Michael Jackson look these days, well, I think it’s safe to say the man single-handedly made up for the dribble that preceded him.

9:25 p.m.: There might not be a category for this, but what the hell: Most Idiotic Song of 2008. Who’s the winner? You guessed it! Katy Perry! And what better way to celebrate than with an equally idiotic performance. Here’s to 2009′s nominations!

9:21 p.m.: So I did a search for “grammys” on YouTube. This is the only thing worthwhile to come up…

9:17 p.m.: Coldplay beats The Raconteurs for “Best Rock Album”? Jeez, that jacket must be lucky…

9:16 p.m.: Let’s just reiterate. Blink-182 is back!!!!!!

9:15 p.m.: “Together again…Blink-182″? I just passed out.

9:10 p.m.: Oh wait, nevermind. Stevie Wonder using autotune? With The Jonas Brothers? Mother of God!

9:09 p.m.: Just when this night couldn’t get any better…Jason Mraz!

9:06 p.m.: Well, it might be up for argument as to whether or not she deserved the award over Al Green, but her performance was certainly splendid. Kudos Jennifer Hudson! Sigh, another commercial break. Ouch, that Guitar Hero commercial is hot.

9:01 p.m.: Yay! Robert Plant and Alison Krauss score big! Best Pop Collaboration! Now they just need to get hitched. Hey Robert, do you remember that one band you were in?

8:58 p.m.: I think it’s safe to say hour #1 was officially a train wreck.

8:57 p.m.: Oh, Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift…perfect time to go and make a drink.

8:51 p.m.: Does anyone else think the music that plays over the “Coming Up” segue sounds like “Give It Away”? Or is that just me? And why do they keep lying to us? They just said Kanye and Estelle were coming up. Instead, we got a shoddy Kid Rock medley and a bullshit award win. I’m pouting. Oh yes, I’m pouting.

8:44 p.m.: So, Al Green comes out again and they can’t find another tune to play other than the song he just performed? Way to reach in the back catalog team! Whoa, we’re at the Song of the Year category already. Wait for it, wait for it…Coldplay’s “Viva la Vida”? Wow. I’m stunned. I need to find another band’s demo, some ol’ guitarists instrumental, and throw my own lyrics over it. There’s hope in this world! Hah, the band apologizes for copying Macca’s former Sgt. Pepper‘s look, but still takes credit for the song. Wow. That’s somewhat ballsy. Oh, to top it off: Kid Rock! Coldplay should take note from this guy…he just blatantly takes songs. Warren Zevon, I apologize for this.

8:35 p.m.: Whoa, Sheryl Crow and LeAnn Rimes? What is this? 1999? Oh, an actual award! Best Country Duo/ Performance? And the winner is…Sugarland? For “Stay”? Hmm. No opinion there. Good for them though. Jennifer Nettles seems pretty happy in that, “Hey, I’ll sell a million more records to soccer moms!” sort of way. Well, Kanye and Estelle up ahead. This I can’t wait for!

8:30 p.m.: Do they actually give awards out at this thing? Oh right…it’s American Idol’s Greatest Hits tonight. Wake me up when an actual musician comes out.

8:24 p.m.: And we have our first OMFG moment of the evening. Jay-Z emerges from wherever for a rendition of “Lost+”. Unfortunately, the duet lasts only seconds before Chris Martin realizes he is Chris Martin and shouldn’t be sharing the vocals with anyone. Cue “Viva La Vida”.

CP Medley 09 GA Live –

8:22 p.m.: What the hell! Where is the jacket? Forgive me, but this new denim get up just doesn’t do it for me. Though the British flag on the sleeve is a night touch…

8:20 p.m.: Alright, we’re at the first commercial break. While that performance kind of tripped over itself, it’s good to know that Green can come in anytime and save the day. The man’s voice is like fine wine. Yeah, that’s a totally cliche metaphor, so sue me. Can I say…Bonnaroo? Fingers crossed for a Sunday sermon! And I’m a Jew!

8:15 p.m.: Serious question. Does anyone think Katy Perry knows who Al Green is?

8:13 p.m.: Oh my! The star of Witch Mountain? It’s good to know Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is finding killer work after Southland Tales. Speaking of which, hey, it’s Justin Timberlake! He was in that movie too! He’s not doing too hot either. I blame the writers! Who writes these monologues? They’re horrible…and could these stars try and freeball it some? Oh wait, what’s this? Al Green loses and he’s forced to play with Keith Urban. Way to go Grammys! C’mon JT, save this!

8:07 p.m.: Jennifer Hudson wins best R&B album. Poor Al Green…

8:05 p.m.: Kick off! What better way to start than with the supremely lackluster U2 single, “Get On Your Boots”. For everyone unfamiliar with the song, which is just about anyone in attendance or watching, lyrics are provided via digital screens to sing along. What’s tragic about the song itself is that it’s really not that horrible a tune, it’s just that damn bridge/chorus, “You don’t know how beautiful you are.” Ugh. Well, the crowd started off strong…now they’re just confused. Hmm, better luck with the next single. Oh, Whitney!

5:30 p.m.: The prime time festivities haven’t even start yet and there’s already tons of news, perhaps the biggest being reports of Rihanna scratching her appearance after being involved in a car accident. As for early winners, The Dark Knight took home best soundtrack, Metallica’s Death Magnetic won best packaging, Radiohead’s In Rainbows earned best box set, and Justice’s remix of MGMT’s “Electric Feel” was crowned best remix.

———

If everything that is supposed to happen during The Grammys tonight does happen, we’re in for one hell of a ride. After all, Thom Yorke will lead a marching band on “15 Step”, Blink 182 will reunite and present an award, Green Day will offer a “special surprise,” Chris Martin will wear his jacket and maybe get served, and M.I.A. will attempt to perform, while holding in her first child. And that’s only the beginning; did we mention Kanye West, Jay-Z, Justin Timberlake, T.I., Robert Plant & Allison Krauss, Katy Perry, The Jonas Brothers, Rihanna, Kid Rock, Stevie Wonder, B.B. King, John Mayer, U2, and Paul McCartney (WITH DAVE GROHL) are among those set to perform sometime tonight? Yeah, and we’re probably still missing something.

Needless to say, tonight is going to be entertaining and overwhelming. So what better way to spend the evening then by checking out Consequence of Sound as we blog about the evening as it happens. Plus, we’ll open it up to you just in case you want to share your thoughts on how Bono sounds live on “Get on Your Boots” or how cute M.I.A.’s baby looks…