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Court of the Ginger King: 2008, We Hardly Knew Ye!

on December 31, 2008, 10:00am

Well, well, well… 2008 comes to a close. While the site had its year-end spectacular a couple of weeks ago, what better way to recap the whole shebang than some closing thoughts with the ol’ Ginger King himself. He may be on break, hibernating with some egg nog, but that only makes him all the more feisty. So, sit back, relax, and then… get angry. -Michael Roffman, Editor in Chief

As 2009 approaches, we are only days away from when Hanukkah Harry, Kwanzabot, and Paul Giamatti’s character from that shitty Vince Vaughn movie come and bestow gifts upon us. This means one thing, year end recaps and best of lists. Oh, this is definitely my favorite time of the year.

Personally speaking, 2008 blew for music. If it wasn’t for the last bastion of respectable music coverage, we would have probably all killed ourselves. We all owe TRL a big debt of gratitude. Unfortunately, that seems to have gone awash, as well.

180px kwanzaa bot Court of the Ginger King: 2008, We Hardly Knew Ye!Don’t believe me? Let’s turn around and trace our steps some. If you search on Wikipedia for “2008 in music,” the first entry Face to Face’s reunion announcement. That’s how special 2008 was for music, right? Wrong. Face to Face fans with an internet connection aside, actual shit happened this year. We learned that System of a Down isn’t going to reform and the Grammys continue to happen, both sad things. Furthermore, Erykah Badu made a comeback, Def Leppard and The Eagles went on tour and Scott Weiland left Velvet Revolver. A tree fell in the woods; no one heard it or cared. However, on April 5th, the newly reunited Face to Face performed in Irvine, CA. God Bless America!

Let’s continue, though…

Did you know Mariah Carey is officially only two #1 singles behind The Beatles for all time? This is cataclysmic news because I realized that my grandchildren will have framed posters of the album cover Butterfly. And you know what, I’m fucking happy about it. Who in the world didn’t enjoy the video for “Honey”? I will go on record and say Butterfly is our generation’s blog1 mariah carey 300x280 Court of the Ginger King: 2008, We Hardly Knew Ye!Sgt. Pepper. (Editor’s Note: Please folks, flame away!) This seminal album, or masterpiece as it will be known for years to come, set the stage for the Shakespearean drama that is Mariah Carey. Growing up on the wrong side of the tracks, she fought for her independence, grew as a musician, had a meltdown, left in exile, etc, etc.

On the flipside however, in 2008, Carey fought and clawed her way to the top, battling the likes of T-Pain and Leona Lewis to take the number one spot like all great champions before her did. Just like Air Jordan, Napoleon Bonaparte, Jackie Brown, and Ted Dibiase before her, Mariah Carey is a people’s champ. She has furthered music to almost unfathomable levels and she will overtake The Beatles’ record for most #1 singles within a decade. Welcome to the future everyone.

So, what else happened?

Oh, that Scott Weiland character didn’t leave the former Guns empty handed, as he left and rejoined the Stone Temple Pilots. You probably didn’t know that Donna Summer had a number one song again, but you might have bought Madonna’s leventh, yes eleventh, album. (She also turned 50!) A second tree fell in the woods. Donna Summer and Scott Weiland smoked it, no one cared.

This is when things get “crazy”…

The shitty mayor of Los Angeles got a whole heck of a lot better when he proclaimed April 15th as Mariah Carey Day. From April 25th to April 27th, the Empire State Building was lit up in lavender, pink, and white in celebration of Mariah Carey’s achievements in the field of donna summer 10 300x234 Court of the Ginger King: 2008, We Hardly Knew Ye!music. A world rejoiced as the two leading epicenters for music in modern day America saw eye to eye, or face to face, in their appreciation of the musical titan, “Mariah.”

Meanwhile, The Offspring eleased an album, David Cook won season 7 of American Idol, and Westlife (who?) celebrated ten years of music making. A third tree fell in the woods, it killed 3 and injured 4, and again… no one cared.

Naturally, as all this happened here, Zeus and Apollo laughed from above in Olympus at the amazing creation they bestowed on us mere mortals. Built not from flesh and blood, Mariah Carey symbolizes a new future in music where singers are sent to us from the heavens.

Carrying on, George Michael played his first US Tour in 17 years, Guitar Hero: Aerosmith was actually developed and released, and a shitload of festivals happened. Oh, and Souljaboy continued to take the world by storm. By this time, the many proverbial trees have fallen down… thanks to global warming.

So, where we at? Oh, the end of the summer: LOLLAPALOOZA 2008! Need I mention that Consequence of Sound covered that shit like they own it? BOO-YAH.

Then came the seasonal changes: Katy Perry continued to do whatever the hell she does, a new Queen album came out axl 4 268x300 Court of the Ginger King: 2008, We Hardly Knew Ye!(or is coming out), that plane crash involving Travis Barker and DJ AM happened and the two lived to tell the tale, Paul McCartney returned to Israel since being banned, Britney got another number one, Rihanna got a few ones too, and finally, Face to Face continued to search for their first one.

Of course, 2008 wouldn’t 2008 without Axl f’n Rose. How could we forget? Chinese Democracy was unleashed upon the ill prepared world! Rumor has it that only Mariah Carey is known to be able to handle the sheer awesomeness and virtuosity that the album contains. Too bad that negates 99.99% percent of the world. Speaking of the world, a lot of awesome people connected to music left it, but that’s what always happens: people die. Some can argue and say that Mariah Carey should have considered resurrecting them with her powers, but let’s get realistic people.

2009 Prediction: Face to Face will produce Mariah Carey’s next album, I Will Never Go Away As Long As People Can Handle My Voice As They Pleasure Themselves to My Videos.

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