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Break Yo’ TV: Jackie Chain – “Diamonds and Cadillacs”

on August 05, 2010, 1:15pm

I thought Lil Wayne was bad. I thought Soulja Boy was worse. However, I believe I have discovered(and I mean that in a literal sense, because this guy really does have to be discovered) something of truly jaw dropping nature.

Jackie Chain, is a hip hop artist, otherwise known as a “rapper,” from Southern Alabama. Jackie Chain is half-white, and half-Asian.

Double take. Triple take. A white Asian rapper, from Huntsville, Alabama… yes, you read that correctly. Those of us who are on the “up and up” in the game that is modern day hip hop, may recognize Jackie Chain’s name from his guest spot on a track with Kid Cudi about a year and a half ago. Honestly, my bets are none of you recognizing this one-of-a-kind of an artist at all, and he will probably fade from your memory just as quickly as you click that “back” button.

Anyway, this is supposed to be about a video, not judging an artist’s character (although that may wind up happening). I present to you, ladies and gentleman, Jackie Chain.

What is discovered in watching Chain’s Worst Video Ever contender, is a true testament to the current state of hip hop as a genre. With a gem like “All about my money/sunglasses Armani/bout to holla at this bitch that look like Gwen Stefani,” an audience can almost instantly gauge what this particular artist is like. However, Chain spends most of his raps testifying that he is an all star of the streets(or hood), without ever actually telling us why or how he became this way. “24 hours/I ain’t even sleepy/sippin’ margaritas on a beach inside a tiki/who needs a vacation/I don’t even take it/party every night and every day, I spring break it!” So, you can kind of get an idea of what Jackie Chain, as a rapper, is all about. The meat of the matter however is the horrendously produced, haphazardly thrown together, monstrosity of a music video.

It’s sad to say, but you can probably watch the first 10 or 15 seconds of this video and you will have seen… the video. I was able to count out a whopping three scenes where either a.) Jackie Chain was not present, b.) Jackie Chain was not positioned in front of five+ tricked up Escalades, G’d out, thug whips, or c.) Said thug whips were not present. We also see a few sub-par girls, and the typical blunt smoke, of which Chain is extremely proud. It’s kind of like a terrible reworking of Big Tymers “Get Your Roll On.”

You really just need to see the humor for yourself. Without further adieu, Jackie Chain’s “Diamonds and Cadillacs.”

This guy does have talent, he can “spit,” but it’s his, uh, physique that makes him hard to believe:

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