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Break Yo’ TV: R. Kelly – “Ignition”

on December 30, 2010, 1:15pm

R. Kelly has certainly had his share of controversy throughout the years. (Urine, anyone?) However, has also produced some of radio’s biggest R&B hits along the way, too. Believe it or not, but the guy is still going strong. He just released Love Letter this month and he continues to make headlines week in and week out. But, you have to remember, not only is he an award winning artist, he is also one stellar actor. In 2005 he released the “Trapped in the Closet” series. I remember this being one of the strangest things I had ever seen, as Kelly lip-synced through odd story lines and lackadaisical lyrics for what seemed like hours, but yet I couldn’t turn away. After watching this performance, on top of hearing about his legal troubles, one thing became apparent to me: R. Kelly is one hell of a guy!

Rappers and rock stars get to live a life that no one could even imagine. They also get to be a part of some of the biggest and best parties. I often wonder, what is it like to party like a rock star and how can I be like them? After watching the video for R. Kelly’s smash hit “Ignition”, I had my answer.

The first thing I learned: Everyone dances in slow motion. I would have looked like an idiot if I showed up to this party, putting on my best moves at normal pace. It’s obvious that only the star of the party is the only one who is allowed to dance in real time.

Check out the :32 second mark behind Kelly’s left shoulder for tips on how you should not look at an R. Kelly party. This guy must have been a friend of the someone in the production crew, he looks wildly out of place.

Second thing I observed: The best place for a party is in a stretch Navigator limo. Here I am going to house parties and wasting money at bars, when I could be cruising around the streets in a limo full of 75+ people. The driver better keep his eyes on the road.

Around 1:35 you begin to notice just how many people at this party R. Kelly does not want to associate with. He has his arm around one gentleman who looks like he is having the least bit of fun of anyone there. Also on his mind could be, “how many coke and rums has R. Kelly had and where exactly is the bathroom in this place? because he sure is getting inappropriately close to me.” Also, as Kelly goes through the crowds he seems to not let anyone touch him. It is just too hard to check the ID of all of those women.

At 2:12, you learn exactly what R. Kelly’s head looks like. Good to know.

At 2:15, I learned it’s okay to bring my dad to the party if I want too.

From here on out it’s utter chaos. White guys break dancing, old men mixing with hot women, R. Kelly still dancing. It certainly looked like a good time but it seems a little egotistical (and sort of a buzzkill) of Kelly to sing the same song throughout the entire party. Although, the bar seems to have enough booze to make everyone in that limo make bad decisions, it doesn’t appear to be my scene. Plus, that white guy took all my best moves, with the exception of rolling the dice. However, if this is what happens when R. Kelly does a remix, I can’t wait for the “I Believe I Can Fly” party.

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