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Ice-T recorded a Dungeons & Dragons audiobook

on February 06, 2014, 2:22pm

When he’s not jamming out with Body Count or serving as one of NYPD’s elite on Law and Order: SVU, rap icon Ice-T engages in the occasional bit of voice work. He was Madd Dogg in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, Agent Cain in Sanity: Aiken’s Artifact, Aaron Griffin in Gears of War 3, and even portrayed a smackdown-laying version of himself in Def Jam: Fight for NY. During a recent episode of his podcast (oh, yeah, he’s big into that too), the rapper-actor-reality star revealed his latest endeavor, and it’s a teensy bit outside of his purview: Ice T has recorded a Dungeons & Dragons audiobook.

Excuse us, we’re gonna roll a 20 to see if we can giggle so hard we snort a little.

As Ice tells it, he booked the gig without receiving any prior explanation to what the job entailed. “They didn’t tell me this was a motherfuckin’ Dungeons & Dragons book,” he said, before explaining to co-host Mick Benzo that D&D is “some of the most crazy, deep, deep nerd shit. Motherfuckers talk like Yoda.” He recalled it took about three-and-a-half hours to read through the 25-page book, whose title he neglects to mention. Though, he did promise that people are in for a “treat to watch me, with my South Central-educated ass, trying to read some Dungeons & Dragons shit.”

Though he’s known for his silver tongue, Ice called the gig “impossible”, as having to pronounce words such as “Zerthimon”, “Vlaakith”, and “Krusk” proved utterly exhausting. “When you read these books, you make up the pronunciation in your head, ” he explained. “But to actually verbally say this words? Son, I needed breaks. I needed water.”

While D&D books involve anything from goblins to warlocks to something called a Yochlol, Ice said his book focused around “pegasuses and pegasi,” adding, “That’s horses with wings. This motherfucker got a sword that talks to him… Motherfuckers live in places that don’t exist, and it comes with a map. My God.” At least it wasn’t Baphomet, ruler of the Endless Maze, Prince of Beasts, and the Demon Lord of Minotaurs.

Check out the hour-long episode below, where he also offers advice to Justin Bieber, talks the Hollywood Hillbillies (?), recalls the Art of Rap tour, and examines the future of Ice Loves Coco.