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“Let’s Get Social” is a song about social media. It’ll make you question humanity.

on April 09, 2014, 5:39pm

I assumed I’d go to my grave believing that YouTube user Bold for Jesus’s version of Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” would be the worst musical abomination I’d encounter in my entire life.

As it turns out, I was more wrong than that guy rocking a mullet in 2014.

No, that honor now belongs to Phil Mershon, Dave Curtis, and Mary McCoy, three consultants from the marketing/IT firm Continuum. As part of this year’s Social Media Marketing World event, the trio decided to open up the gates of Hell have a little fun and regale attendees with a little ditty entitled “Let’s Get Social”. I say this with all the journalistic integrity I can muster, but this may well be the worst song in the entire span of recorded human history.

Whether you spend the whole day tweeting, actually respond to LinkedIn requests, or are more inclined to ignore your social media accounts for months at a time, this song will make you want to dropkick your Mac out of a window and communicate solely through carrier pigeons.

Here’s a breakdown of the most heinous musical sins:

— The entire beat: seriously, all that money tied up in social media and someone couldn’t afford better equipment or production tools? Or, heck, even the rights to “The Gummi Bear Song”?

— The absolutely stellar harmonies that spit directly in the face of Peaches and Herb, Sonny and Cher, and every self-respecting musical duo to ever pick up a microphone.

— The audience participation bit where they ask people to “take a selfie with your neighbor/It’s time to get social.” This somehow makes The Chainsmoker’s “#SELFIE” look like “Bridge Over Troubled Water”.

— The spoken word/rap bit at the 3:54 mark. Now that is how you talk to the people, the entirety of hip-hop.

Sure, these are just marketing folks, and we should applaud them for even trying something fun and inventive. And, yes, I will give them props, as social media as a whole has helped reinvent the way we communicate and trade info and ideas.  But if one more of you hashtag-dropping, synergy-talking mofos ever decides to sing about selfies and trending topics, I will dedicate my remaining days to creating a virus that deletes the entire Internet.

Give your day a much needed dose of venomous rage by watch the “performance” below (it begins at 1:10).

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