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Ranking: Every South Park Song from Worst to Best

on September 24, 2014, 10:30am
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Music has always been an integral part of South Park: Primus’ Les Claypool sang the theme song; Rick Rubin produced the Chef Aid record; and co-creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone have managed to rile up Kanye West and countless other musicians, actors, and celebrities.

Since our favorite foulmouthed fourth graders are returning to Comedy Central for their 18th season tonight, we dug deep into the South Park archives to rank every song — yep, every single one — in the show’s storied history. We’ve included South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, as well as CD-only cuts from “Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics”. We took a walk down memory lane, way back to the early seasons when the boys were still third graders, and ended at season 17, which gave us many new songs worthy of the South Park tradition (looking at you “My Bitch Ain’t No Hobbit”, “Princess Kenny Theme”, and “A Chorus of Wieners”).

south park s12e10c03 no trabajar aqui 16x9 Ranking: Every South Park Song from Worst to Best

It depends on whether or not you double count some songs that appear in multiple episodes, but at a minimum, there are well over 350 original and non-original songs used in South Park. We thought about the quality of the parodies (or original songs) and their context when we constructed the rankings.

You know, I learned something today: Whether you only swear by the older episodes or you still avidly watch the new ones, there have been so many priceless musical moments in South Park’s history. Enjoy reliving some of these classic songs and scenes.

–Killian Young
Staff Writer

Click ahead for the top 100. If you want the whole shebang, our rankings for 101-359 follow shortly after.

100. “Oh Kathie Lee”

(“Weight Gain 4000” S1E2)

Mayor McDaniels can’t hold Chef back from singing about making sweet love to Kathie Lee. -Killian Young (KY)

99. “Loving the Football”

(“Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride” S1E4)

If you follow Chef’s advice, you’ll never fumble again. You’ll also probably end up on a sex-offender list. –Matt Melis (MM)

98. “You and Cthulhu”

(“Mysterion Rises” S14E12)

The Coon (aka Cartman) makes a new friend in the massive demon Cthulhu, who is naturally unleashed by BP’s unsafe, offshore drilling. -KY

97. “Hippitus Hoppitus”

(“Fantastic Easter Special” S11E5)

The Hare Club for Men (brilliant) mash up the Latin Mass and “Here Comes Peter Cottontail” as they go to life-threatening lengths to preserve the long-eared secret of the Catholic Church’s origins. -MM

96. “Who’s Got the Greatest Mom in the World?”

(“Tsst” S10E7)

Cartman can avoid punishment like Tom Sawyer could avoid work; here, he butters up Mrs. Cartman with a melodious little ditty that he’s clearly used countless times before. -MM

95. “Dawg’s Crew Theme”

(“Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy” S10E10)

When Cartman becomes the Hall Monitor of South Park Elementary, he is the dawg. The big, bad dawg. -KY

94. “Carry on Wayward Son”

(“Guitar Queer-O” S11E13)

Randy learns the hard way that playing real guitar just isn’t as cool as being a master of Guitar Hero. -KY

93. “Crips and Bloods”

(“Krazy Kripples” S7E2)

Jimmy and Timmy find the way to quash even the fiercest gang feud: locking the rivals in a rec center to shoot hoops, eat pizza, and kick it with some board games and puzzles. -KY

92. “Wake Up Wendy”

(“Chef Aid” S2E14)

Stan finds his inner Bernie Taupin, Elton John plays Stan’s song at Chef Aid to impress Wendy, and Johnny Cochran’s heart grows three sizes in the process. Chewbacca defense? -MM

91. “My Robot Friend”

(“AWESOM-O” S8E5)

Cartman — disguised as the robot A.W.E.S.O.M.-O 4000 to find out Butters’ embarrassing secrets — finds the tables turned on him when he learns that Butters has an incriminating video of him. -KY

90. “Canada on Strike”

(“Canada on Strike” S12E4)

The world economy grinds to a halt as our neighbors to the north declare they’re going on strike — with fully rehearsed choreography no less. -MM

89. “I Saw Three Ships”

(“Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics” S3E15)

Stan and Kyle can’t stop laughing at Shelly’s rendition of this Christmas carol, so she naturally freaks out. “Shut up, turds!” -KY

88. “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”

(“Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics” S3E15)

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo reminds us of the true meaning of Christmas: having enough fiber in your diet. -MM

87. “Christmas Medley”

(“Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics” S3E15)

Jesus and Santa sing Christmas classics about themselves, with composer Marc Shaiman (he did the music for the film version of Hairspray) on the piano. -KY

86. “Stinky Britches”

(“Chef Aid” S2E14 / “Prehistoric Ice Man” S2E18)

This song appears in some form in five episodes but was first heard in “Chef Aid”, when Alanis Morissette stole the song from Chef. -KY

85. “Jesus Baby”

(“Christian Rock Hard” S7E9)

Cartman expresses his special “love” for Jesus as he, Butters, and Token start a Christian rock band called Faith +1 in order to get a platinum-selling record before Kyle, Stan, and Kenny. -MM

84. “Heat of the Moment”

(“Kenny Dies” S5E13)

Our senators and representatives could learn a thing or two about productivity by joining together for a rousing rendition of Asia’s “Heat of the Moment”, like the one led by Cartman and Congress in South Park. -KY

83. “Poo-Choo Train”

(“Red Sleigh Down” S6E17)

Mr. Hankey and Cartman joyously sing this tune as they make a skid mark across America on their way to the North Pole in a train made of, well, poo. -KY

82. “I Don’t Want to Wait”

(“Trapper Keeper” S4E12 / “I’m a Little Bit Country” S7E4)

Cartman nonchalantly hums this Paula Cole song as he brutally murders the messenger boy so that he can deliver the Declaration of Independence to the Continental Congress. -KY

81. “My Best Friends”

(“Spookyfish” S2E15)

Ever notice that the goateed “Evil” Cartman is a lot nicer than “Good” Cartman? Stan, Kyle, and Kenny sure do. -MM

80. “Little Bunny Foo Foo”

(“Something You Can Do with Your Finger” S4E8)

Butters’ audition song to join Fingerbang. -KY

79. “Wild Wild West Rap”

(“Cat Orgy” S3E7)

Just as terrible as the Will Smith movie that inspired the track. -KY

78. “Put That Heart to Work”

(“Broadway Bro Down” S15E11)

Randy discovers the quickest way to a woman’s heart: Broadway. “I respect you, bro.” -KY

77. “Wrestling Audition Song”

(“W.T.F.” S13E10)

“That’s not wrastling!” -KY

76. “The Only Memeing I’ll Ever Do”

(“Faith Hilling” S16E3)

Cartman proves that he can handle the Sunday Night Football theme as he refuses to conform to the latest meme trends and sticks to “Faith Hilling.” -KY

75. “Cheesy Poofs”

(“Roger Eberts Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods” S2E11)

How lame are you if you don’t love Cheesy Poofs? Apparently, we’re “talkin’ Night Court in its fifth season lame.” -MM

74. “Imagination Song”

(“Imaginationland Episode 1” S11E10)

Matt or Trey clearly visited Disney’s Epcot Center as kids, suffered through that lame “Imagination” ride with the purple dragon, and decided to get back at the world by torturing us with their remarkably unimaginative take on that attraction’s theme song … for three consecutive episodes. Imagination … Imagination … Imagin… -MM

73. “The Ballad of Paris Hilton”

(“Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset” S8E12)

Just like “The Ballad of Lemmiwinks”, except encouraging Paris Hilton to continue to climb through the internal organs of Mr. Slave. -KY

72. “Follow the Only Road”

(“It’s Christmas in Canada” S7E15)

Apparently, all Polish jokes become Canadian jokes in the South Park universe. Still, “look out for Scott. He’s a dick!” -MM

71. “(I’ve Got a) Golden Ticket”

(“Le Petit Tourette” S11E8)

Cartman’s Willy Wonka-style “golden ticket” is pretending that he has Tourette syndrome so that he can cuss without repercussions. -KY

70. “Raining Blood”

(“Die, Hippie, Die” S9E2)

Cartman’s best method to disperse the hippies at the town’s music festival. Three cheers for Slayer! -KY

69. “I’ve Got Some Apples”

(“Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset” S8E12)

Sing this while shopping for fruit, and life will seem a little less bleak: “Loo Loo, I got some apples…” -MM

68. “Work Mexican Work”

(“The Last of the Meheecans” S15E9)

Mantequilla (literally Spanish for “butter”) learns the toil of Mexican laborers. -KY

67. “Work Slut”

(“The Hobbit” S17E10)

It’s a Britney (parody), bitch. The girls of South Park work out to perfect their Photoshop skills. -KY

66. “Christmas Time Is Once a Year”

(“Woodland Critter Christmas” S8E14)

The sunny song is paired with the scene where Stan teaches the lion cubs how to kill the anti-Christ. -KY

65. “It’s Butters”

(“Butters’ Very Own Episode” S5E14)

We’re glad that Butters — the most innocent and gullible boy in South Park — got his very own theme song for his show wrought with terrible family drama. “That’s me!” -KY

64. “Up There”

(South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)

Proof that even Satan gets the blues — and can hit a high note. -MM

63. “Lemmiwinks vs. Wikileaks”

(“Bass to Mouth” S15E10)

South Park returned to the 1977 cartoon version of The Hobbit (“Down, Down to Goblin Town”) for this epic track, which soundtracks hero gerbil Lemmiwinks killing the Julian Assange look-alike rat, Wikileaks. -KY

62. “You’re the Best!”

(“The Losing Edge” S9E5)

The montage showing little league baseball teams trying their best not to win leads to Randy getting in fights with other dads and delivering one of his best lines: “I’m sorry, I thought this was America!” -KY

61. “Down with the Sickness”

(“With Apologies to Jesse Jackson” S11E1)

In one of those classic, cringeworthy scenes of South Park-style hyper violence, Cartman viciously beats a man with dwarfism while Disturbed blares in the background. -KY

60. “Buffalo Soldier”

(“Medicinal Fried Chicken” S14E3)

It’s impossible to unsee Randy pushing his massive, cancerous testicles around in a wheel as he (poorly) sings this Bob Marley classic. -KY

59. “We Are the Champions”

(“Stanley’s Cup” S10E14)

The Detroit Red Wings celebrate their bloodbath victory over the South Park peewee hockey team in this send-up of every sports movie ever made. Oh, and a sick kick dies of cancer as a result. This is why I hate hockey. -MM

58. “I’m Super”

(South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)

Big Gay Al’s dazzling performance distracts the troops so the boys can rescue Terrance and Phillip. -KY

57. “Song 2”

(“Stanley’s Cup” S10E14)

The Blur classic soundtracks the riveting matchup between the Park County and Adams County peewee hockey teams. -KY

56. “Funkytown”

(“Towelie” S5E8)

The infamous tune of the world’s biggest pothead towel. -KY

55. “Carol of the Bells”

(“Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics” S3E15)

Ever see Beaker, the Swedish Chef, and Animal sing this holiday carol? Same concept, mmm’kay. -MM

54. “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel”

(“Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo” S1E9 / “Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics” S3E15)

Cartman naturally butts into Kyle’s rendition of this Hanukkah song to make fun of him for being Jewish. -KY

53. “The Lonely Jew on Christmas”

(“Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo” S1E9)

Kyle has a bad case of Jesus envy come Christmastime. Apparently, you can only spin so many dreidels, light so many candles, and eat so many kosher latkes before seeing an Xbox from a fat man in red waiting for you under a pine tree starts looking pretty good. -MM

52. “You Gotta Do What You Wanna Do!”

(“Elementary School Musical” S12E13)

The boys stand up for their dream to do synchronized song and dance in school. -KY

51. “Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset”

(“Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset” S8E12)

“Comes with video camera, night-vision filter, fake money, losable cell phone, and 16 hits of ecstasy! Let everyone see your coo-oo-ooch!” -KY

50. “Mountain Town” & “Mountain Town (Reprise)”

(South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)

A primer to South Park’s main cast and world, the opening song of Bigger, Longer & Uncut also gave fans their first look at Kenny without his signature orange parka. -KY

49. “The Miracle Worker”

(“Helen Keller! The Musical!” S4E13)

Let’s just say there was some precedent for “The Book of Mormon”. -MM

48. “I Was Not the Bullet”

(“World War Zimmerman” S17E3)

Set to Butters’ furious beatboxing, Cartman somehow manages to blame Token for his struggles after Trayvon Martin’s death. -KY

47. “You’ll Be in Me”

(“Timmy 2000” S4E3)

Everyone in South Park thinks Phil Collins’ Lalapalalapaza 2000 performance is riveting because they’re zonked on Ritalin. -KY

46. “Bleeding Heart Protest Song vs. Pro War Country Song”

(“I’m a Little Bit Country” S7E4)

It’s a battle of liberal and conservative views on the War in Iraq between Randy and Skeeter. -KY

45. “Make Bullying Kill Itself”

(“Butterballs” S16E5)

It’s time to give bullying a taste of its own cruel medicine — not sure why Butters is naked in a glass cube and Cartman is dressed like a pop princess and singing about his va-jay-jay, though. -MM

44. “I’m Not the Poorest Kid in School”

(“The Poor Kid” S14E15)

After Kenny leaves South Park, Cartman is mortified when he finds out that his mom makes the least money out of all his classmates. Unsurprisingly, Cartman is delighted when he goes to extreme lengths to get placed in a new school district where he isn’t the poorest kid in school. -KY

43. “Jackin’ It in San Diego”

(“Butterballs” S16E5)

Just like Jason Russell (the director of Kony 2012), Stan ends up naked and jackin’ it in San Diego after his anti-bullying video fails to have any lasting social impact. -KY

42. “Here Comes Fatty Doo Doo”

(“Raising the Bar” S16E9)

The theme song to Token’s TV show that exploits Cartman’s obesity takes down Honey Boo-Boo with a great parody of Randy Newman. -KY

41. “Somalian Pirates Are We”

(“Fatbeard” S13E7)

“We’ll brave the squalls and bust your balls, Somalian Pirates We.” It puts that yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum song to shame. -MM

40. “Poker Face”

(“Whale Whores” S13E11)

The boys are playing Rock Band, so Cartman tries his hand at lead vocals for Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face”. -KY

39. “Woodland Critter Christmas”

(“Woodland Critter Christmas” S8E14)

It sounds like any merry holiday ditty … until the squirrel shouts, “Hail Satan!” -KY

38. “You Gotta Drive Hybrids”

(“Smug Alert!” S10E2)

Stan pens this anthem for hybrids in an attempt to bring back Kyle from “smuggy” San Francisco. -KY

37. “Merry Fucking Christmas”

(“Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics” S3E15)

Mr. (not Ms.) Garrison teaches his class about how Christmas gets celebrated around the world. Multiculturalism this is not. -MM

36. “What What in the Butt”

(“Canada on Strike” S12E4)

A nearly shot-for-shot parody (starring Butters) of Samwell’s video of the same name caused Viacom to get sued by the aptly named Brownmark Studios, which owned the original. (South Park‘s version was deemed fair use, and the case was thrown out.) -KY

35. “La Resistance”

(South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)

Les Misérables wishes it had a medley this stirring. The song that proved once and for all that Trey and Matt have musical chops to be reckoned with. -Ben Kaye (BK)

34. “I’m Gonna Make Love to You Woman”

(“Cartman Gets an Anal Probe” S1E1)

…And bring you Salisbury steak and buttered noodles in bed the next morning. Oh, Chef. -MM

33. “The Circle of Poo”

(“A Very Crappy Christmas” S4E17)

Mr. Hankey teaches his “nugget” son Cornwallis (his vocals are sung by R&B artist Louis Price) that “crap is everything” in this fantastic take on the Lion King classic “The Circle of Life”. -KY

32. “Getting Gay with Kids”

(“Rainforest Shmainforest” S3E1)

The kids travel to South America to spread awareness about endangered rain forests, and Kyle copes with the fact that Jews apparently have no rhythm. -MM

31. “Uncle Fucka”

(South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)

The opening song in Terrance & Phillip: Asses of Fire (as seen in South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut) takes the boys’ cursing game to a whole other level. Also see: the rap remix. -KY

30. “I’ve Got a Ring on My Finger”

(“The Ring” S13E1)

Disney marketing sex to children? No way, ba-ba-bay-bay. -MM

29. “South Park Theme”

(All Seasons)

The theme song (sung by Les Claypool of Primus) to South Park has been revamped for many seasons, notably with Kenny’s perverse, muffled vocals. -KY

28. “Sexual Harassment Panda”

(“Sexual Harassment Panda” S3E6)

“When one little panda puts his furry, little willy in another little panda’s ear, that makes me a very sad panda.” And there’s nothing sadder than a sad panda, boys and girls. -MM

27. “Got to Buy Chinpokomon”

(“Chinpokomon” S3E11)

A portmanteau of the Japanese word for penis and Pokemon, “Chinpokomon” parodied the Japanese craze for its crass commercialism. “I’ve got to buy it! I’ve got to buy it!” -KY

26. “Live to Win”

(“Make Love, Not Warcraft” S10E8)

The death knell of 65,340,285 boars. -KY

25. “Taco Flavored Kisses” / “Taco Flavored Kisses for Ben”

(“Fat Butt and Pancake Head” S7E5)

The “other” J-Lo scores a big hit with this culturally sensitive pop gem and simultaneously woos Ben Affleck. “Haha. That’s me!” -MM

24. “A Chorus of Wieners”

(“A Song of Ass and Fire” S17E8)

South Park took a shot at George R.R. Martin’s graphic descriptions of penises in Game of Thrones; Martin hilariously responded, “I have to deny this as a scurrilous rumor. I have nothing against weenies, weenies are fine, but I am not obsessed with weenies. I am definitely on the boobies side of the equation.” -KY

23. “Ballad of James Cameron”

(“Raising the Bar” S16E9)

“You guys hearing the song OK up there?” -KY

22. “It’s Easy, Mmm’kay”

(South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)

In which it’s discovered that every time Mr. Mackey says “mmm’kay,” he’s substituting for the word “fuck.” -KY

21. “Trapped in the Closet”

(“Trapped in the Closet” S9E12)

After becoming entangled in Scientology, Stan finds that Tom Cruise has locked himself in his closet and won’t come out. R. Kelly suddenly appears on the scene and tries to remedy the situation by singing and “PULLING OUT MY GUN.” -KY

20. “Minorities at My Water Park”

(“Pee” S13E14)

Cartman laments minorities taking over the last bastion of white America: his local water park. -MM

19. “I’ve Got Something in My Front Pocket”

(“You Got F’d in the A” S8E4)

Butters tap dances his way into our hearts with this old-timey number that urges us to reach into his pocket and find a surprise. That’s not wrong at all. -MM

18. “Vote or Die!”

(“Douche and Turd” S8E8)

Puffy Daddy was really on to something. If the threat of physical violence doesn’t get you to exercise your right as a United States citizen, nothing will. -BK

17. “Fishsticks”

(“Gay Fish” S13E5)

As recently as at his headlining performance at Made in America, Kanye West has called out South Park for making fun of him. Of course, South Park famously joked that ‘Ye would be the only person in America to fail to get Jimmy’s joke (“Do you like putting fishsticks in your mouth? What are you, a gay fish?”) Kanye responded on “Gorgeous” (off My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy): “Choke a South Park writer with a fishstick.” -KY

16. “Wendy’s Audition Song”

(“Something You Can Do with Your Finger” S4E8)

The boys want a fifth member to legitimize their pop band, Fingerbang. After disastrous auditions by Ike and Butters, Wendy dazzles everyone (except Cartman) with this innuendo-filled song and becomes a member of the group. -KY.

15. “Princess Kenny Theme”

(“A Song of Ass and Fire” S17E8)

Just when you thought South Park couldn’t possibly find a new way to shock you, we learn that Kenny is actually a Japanese princess. Eh, actually, I kinda saw this one coming. -MM

14. “Montage”

(“Asspen” S6E2)

“Well, if you gotta get good at something really fast, there’s only one way to do it.” This meta song – a montage that explains a montage – is now what you’ll hear in your head during every big picture training scene ever. Heck, even Rocky had a montage. -BK

13. “Joseph Smith Was Called a Prophet”

(“All About Mormons” S7E12)

Before The Book of Mormon, there was “All About Mormons”, South Park’s brilliant parody of Mormonism, which actually correctly depicts the major concepts behind the infamous religion. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. -KY

12. “Shitty Shitty Fag Fag”

(“It Hits the Fan” S5E1)

When the residents of South Park become free to say the word “shit,” all hell breaks loose. Mr. Garrison sings this tune to his kindergarten students, contributing nine times the cuss word is said out of a total of 162 times in the episode. -KY

11. “Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo”

(“Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo” S1E9 / “Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics” S3E15)

Howdy ho! Mr. Hankey is the perfect non-denominational holiday mascot: “Sit on the toilet, here he comes/ Squeeze him between your festive buns.” -KY

10. “What Would Brian Boitano Do?” & “What Would Brian Boitano Do? Pt. II”

(South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)

South Park‘s ability to take the absurd and make it seem like pure genius is on full display here. A throwaway line from Matt and Trey’s very first short is turned into a motivational song that turns an ’80s Olympic hero into a true superbeing. How good is it? The real Brian Boitano borrowed the song and title for his cooking show, What Would Brian Boitano Make? -BK

9. “Make It Right”

(“The Death of Eric Cartman” S9E6)

It takes Cartman to think he’s died before he shows any remorse for the countless sadistic shenanigans he’s pulled through South Park‘s history. In this peppy montage, he promises, “I’m paying for my sins and it sure feels great”. His reparations? Fruit baskets delivered to the likes of Scott Tenorman and preschool teacher Miss Claridge. -KY

8. “Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld”

(“Timmy 2000” S4E3)

The far-reaching power of South Park‘s music even reached the super popular Rock Band series, which featured this track so you can take over Timmy’s lead vocals. -KY

7. “My Bitch Ain’t No Hobbit”

(“The Hobbit” S17E10)

Trey and Matt showed they weren’t deterred by Kanye calling them out in “Gorgeous”. The South Park creators came back with this fantastic “Bound 2” parody — complete with majestic western vistas and horses running. Of course, the highlight of the track is ‘Ye confidently asserting that Kim K is definitely not a Hobbit. -KY

6. “Blame Canada”

(South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)

Fed up with the flatulance and toilet humor that Canadian comedy duo Terrance and Phillip subject American children to, Sheila Broflovski (aka Kyle’s Mom) mobilizes the town and country to full-scale war against our neighbors to the north. If you think that’s not a sufficient enough reason to go to war, let’s not forget that Canada bombed the Baldwins and unleashed Bryan Adams on the world. Where do I enlist? -MM

5. “The Ballad of Lemmiwinks”

(“The Death of Camp Tolerance” S6E14)

A journey just as epic as Bilbo Baggins’ in the 1977 animated version of The Hobbit (which the song draws inspiration from), the embattled class gerbil Lemmiwinks must escape Mr. Slave’s digestive system. He’s helped out along the way by the Frog King, Sparrow Prince, and Catatafish. -KY

4. “Fingerbang”

(“Something You Can Do with Your Finger” S4E8)

Who can forget the glory days of boy bands in the late ’90s and early ’00s? The boys did their best take on the Backstreet Boys and NSYNC (with Cartman donning a mustache and goatee) on their delightfully unsubtle debut single. -KY

3. “Chef’s Chocolate Salty Balls”

(“Chef’s Chocolate Salty Balls” S2E9)

Chef has never been the most subtle lyricist. So, how were we to know when he invited all of us to “suck on [his] chocolate salty balls” that he was actually just peddling the greatest taste sensation since the deep-fried Twinkie? Even then, we giggled along with Kenny when Cartman raved, “I love your chocolate salty balls, Chef!” -MM

2. “Let’s Fighting Love”

(“Good Times with Weapons” S8E1)

If you’re a fan of anime, you know all the lyrics to every Japanese theme song there is, but odds are you don’t have a clue what they mean. For all you know, you could be singing, “There is hair on my balls/ Is that the sound of a baby monkey?” And you’d do it gleefully, because in the end, “The important thing is to protect my balls.” -BK

1. “Kyle’s Mom’s a Bitch”

(South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)

You’ve got to hand it to Cartman. He may be psychopathic, misogynistic, and anti-semitic, but he sure can carry a melody. And this stunning tribute to Mrs. Broflovski (in D minor no less) is his catchiest tune ever — so much so that he has kids all over the world singing along in “It’s a Small World” fashion. You know who I really feel bad for, though? All the Kyles out there over the years who had friends who watched South Park. You think they heard this sung once or twice or thirty times? -MM

If you’re curious or didn’t quite get your SP fix yet, click ahead for songs 101 to 359.

StanChefKyle

101. “No Substitute” (“Tom’s Rhinoplasty” S1E11)
102. “It’s a Beautiful Day” (“World War Zimmerman” S17E3)
103. “Sarcastaball Theme” (“Sarcastaball” S16E8)
104. “The Jewelry Polka” (“Cash for Gold” S16E2)
105. “Casa Bonita” (“Casa Bonita” S7E11)
106. “Faith +1 (Album Medley)” (“Christian Rock Hard” S7E9)
107. “Make a Run for the Border” (“Fat Butt and Pancake Head” S7E5)
108. “Animals Close-Up with a Wide-Angle Lens” (“Quest for Ratings” S8E11)
109. “Democracy in Cuba” (“The Wacky Molestation Adventure” S4E16)
110. “The Menstrual Cycle Song” (“Are You There God? It’s Me, Jesus” S3E16)
111. “I Can’t Wait Until I Grow Up” (“Tooth Fairy Tats 2000” S4E1)
112. “Underpants Gnomes Work Song” (“Gnomes” S2E17)
113. “I Love to Singa” (“Cartman Gets an Anal Probe” S1E1)
114. “Fuckin’ in the Bushes” (“Breast Cancer Show Ever” S12E9)
115. “The Most Offensive Song Ever” (“Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics” S3E15 — Album Only)
116. “Boom Boom Pow” (“Crack Baby Athletic Association” S15E5)
117. “Come Sail Away” (“Cartman’s Mom Is Still a Dirty Slut” S2E2)
118. “Bar-bura, Bar-bura” (“Mecha-Streisand” S1E12 / “201” S14E6)
119. “I Can Change” (South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)
120. “Eyes of a Child” (South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)
121. “The Brown Note” (“World Wide Recorder Concert” S3E17)
122. “Falling Away from Me” (“Korn’s Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery” (S3E10)
123. “The Twelve Days of Christmas” (“Red Sleigh Down” S6E17)
124. “The Mole’s Reprise” (South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)
125.“Touch My Body” (“AWESOM-O” S8E5)
126. “You Can Sing It” (“Elementary School Musical” S12E13)
127. “Cafeteria Fraiche” (“Creme Fraiche” S14E14)
128. “Queef Free” (“Eat, Pray, Queef” S13E4)
129. “Help Me Buy Chinpokomon” (“Chinpokomon” S3E11)
130. “Wake Up Wendy” (“Chef Aid” S2E14)
131. “It’s a Rockin’ World” (“Chef Aid” S2E14)
132. “Nowhere to Run” (“Chef Aid” S2E14)
133. “The Rainbow” (“Chef Aid” S2E14)
134. “Brad Logan” (“Chef Aid” S2E14)
135. “Cheddar Cheese Girl” (“Chef Aid” S2E14)
136. “It’s Okay to Be Gay” (“Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride” S1E4)
137. “Wendy’s Song” (South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)
138. “Stan Darsh” (“Asspen” S6E2)
139. “Chicken on the Rocks” (“Medicinal Fried Chicken” S14E3)
140. “Swim with the Dolphins” (“Mr. Garrison’s Fancy New Vagina” S9E1)
141. “You Got It, Girl” (“Something You Can Do with Your Finger” S4E8)
142. “Sea People and Me” (“The Simpsons Already Did It” S6E7)
143. “Spilled Blood on the Footsteps of My Mind (Revisited)” (“Timmy 2000” S4E3)
144. “Rabartu Smitu, Rabartu Smitu” (“Mecha-Streisand” S1E12)
145. “The Biggest Douche in the Universe” (“The Biggest Douche in the Universe” S6E15)
146. “Ding Dong They Caught Saddam” (“It’s Christmas in Canada” S7E15)
147. “My Internet Done Up and Went Away” (“Over Logging” S12E6)
148. “Third Grade Memories” (“Fourth Grade” S4E11)
149. “What the Hell Child Is This?” (“Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics” S3E15 — Album Only)
150. “O Tannenbaum” (“Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics” S3E15)
151. “Hell Isn’t Good” (South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut)
152. “On the Road Again” (“Kenny Dies” S5E13)
153. “My Future Self ‘n’ Me” (“My Future Self ‘n’ Me” S6E16)
154. “Love Gravy” (“An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig” S1E5)
155. “Shock the Monkey” (“Raisins” S7E14)
156. “Dance Sucka” (“You Got F’d in the A” S8E4)
157. “Achy Breaky Heart” (“You Got F’d in the A” S8E4)
158. “All Things Just Keep Getting Better” (“South Park Is Gay!” S7E8)
159. “School Days” (“Cartman Gets an Anal Probe” S1E1)
160. “We’re Going to the Water Park” (“Pee” S13E14)
161. “German Dance” (“Chef Aid” S2E14)
162. “The Woman in White” (“Broadway Bro Down” S15E11)
163. “Fuck the Pain Away” (“Butters’ Bottom Bitch” S13E9)
164. “Dead, Dead, Dead” (“Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics” S3E15 — Album Only)
165. “Why Can’t I Be like All the Other Kids” (“Here Comes the Neighborhood” S5E12)
166. “The Prostitute Song” (“Fat Camp” S4E15)
167. “Love Lost Long Ago” (“Follow That Egg!” S9E10)
168. “Sexual Healing” (“Sexual Healing” S14E1)
169. “Edge of Seventeen” (“Osama Bin Laden Has Farty Pants” S5E9)
170. “Don’t Die on Us” (“Cherokee Hair Tampons” S4E6)
171. “Simultaneous” (“Summer Sucks” S2E8)
172. “A Ladder to Heaven” (“A Ladder to Heaven” S6E12)
173. “Love Is a Battlefield” (“Ike’s Wee Wee” S2E4 / “Red Man’s Greed” S7E7)
174. “Landslide” (“You’re Getting Old” S15E7)
175. “Every Breath You Take” (“You’re Getting Old” S15E7)
176. “Tween Wave” (“You’re Getting Old” S15E7)
177. “Rattlesnake” (“You’re Getting Old” S15E7)
178. “Soaring So High” (“Starvin’ Marvin in Space” S3E13)
179. “Hot for Teacher” (“Ginger Cow” S17E6)
180. “Ain’t Talking ‘Bout Love” (“Ginger Cow” S17E6)
181. “Welcome to This World” (“Tooth Fairy Tats 2000” S4E1)
182. “Don’t You Forget About Me” (“Asspen” S6E2)
183. “Hukilau” (“Do the Handicapped Go to Hell?” S4E9)
184. “She Works Hard for the Money” (“Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods” S2E11)
185. “The Future Begins with You and Me” (“Goobacks” S8E7)
186. “We Can Live Together” (“Ginger Kids” S9E12)
187. “My Roots” (“You Got F’d in the A” S8E4)
188. “Con Te Partiro” (“Quintuplets 2000” S4E4)
189. “Der Holle Rache” (“Quintuplets 2000” S4E4)
190. “La Donna e Mobile” (“Quintuplets 2000” S4E4)
191. “Footloose” (“Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods” S2E11)
192. “The Safety Dance” (“Asspen” S6E2)
193. “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” (“Whale Whores” S13E11)
194. “We’re Together at School Again” (“Elementary School Musical” S12E13)
195. “Someone, Somewhere” (“Eek, a Penis!” S12E5)
196. “Sometimes You Kill Your Teacher” (“The Simpsons Already Did It” S6E7)
197. “Jared’s Theme” (“Jared Has Aides” S6E1)
198. “Pig and Elephant DNA Just Won’t Splice” (“An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig” S1E5)
199. “Blowing Smoke” (“Butt Out” S7E13)
200. “Let’s Ride the Train” (“The Jeffersons” S8E6)
201. “My Wishing Tree” (“The Jeffersons” S8E6)
202. “The Power to Change” (“The Jeffersons” S8E6)
203. “I Hate You Guys” (“Jakovasaurs” S3E4)
204. “The Catholic Boat” (“Red Hot Catholic Love” S6E8)
205. “Christmas Lovin’” (“Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo” S1E9)
206. “AIDSburger in Paradise” (“Tonsil Trouble” S12E1)
207. “Cigarettes All Hidey Lidey Day” (“Butt Out” S7E13)
208. “I Walk Hand in Hand with Jesus” (“Do the Handicapped Go to Hell?” S4E9)
209. “Shadow Dancing” (“Tom’s Rhinoplasty” S1E11)
210. “Page d’Ecriture” (“Cartman Joins NAMBLA” S4E5)
211. “Shelly, Shelly” (“Cat Orgy” S3E7)
212. “Turds!” (“Cat Orgy” S3E7)
213. “Hot Lava” (“Volcano” S1E3)
214. “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” (“Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics” S3E15)
215. “Holy Diver” (“Hooked on Monkey Fonics” S3E12)
216. “We’re All Special” (“Damien” S1E10)
217. “Lake Tardicaca Hula Girl” (“Crippled Summer” S14E7)
218. “True Freaks Union PSA” (“Freak Strike” S6E3)
219. “America Is Back!” (“T.M.I.” S15E4)
220. “I Swear” (“Cartman Finds Love” (S16E7)
221. “Gangnam Style” (“A Nightmare on Face Time” S16E12)
222. “Love Bug” (“The Succubus” S3E3)
223. “My Country Tis of Thee” (“World Wide Recorder Concert” S3E17)
224. “John the Fisherman” (“Guitar Queer-O” S11E13)
225. “I Wanna Be Sedated” (“Guitar Queer-O” S11E13)
226. “Woman” (“Guitar Queer-O” S11E13)
227. “Cherry Pie” (“Guitar Queer-O” S11E13)
228. “Surrender” (“Guitar Queer-O” S11E13)
229. “Pretty Vacant” (“Guitar Queer-O” S11E13)
230. “I Remember You” (“Guitar Queer-O” S11E13)
231. “Jordan” (“Guitar Queer-O” S11E13)
232. “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye” (“Smug Alert!” S10E2)
233. “Out of My Shell” (“Broadway Bro Down” S15E11)
234. “Man Time” (“Broadway Bro Down” S15E11)
235. “Just a Little Girl” (“Dead Celebrities” S13E8)
236. “Britney at the MTV Awards” (“Britney’s New Look” S12E2)
237. “Stan’s Song” (“Elementary School Musical” S12E13)
238. “Everyone Is Special” (“Elementary School Musical” S13E13)
239. “Go with the Status Quo” (“Elementary School Musical” S12E13)
240. “East Side, West Side” (“Elementary School Musical” S12E13)
241. “Smuggy San Francisco Town” (“Smug Alert!” S10E2)
242. “In the Ghetto” (“Chickenpox” S2E10)
243. “Can’t Fight This Feeling” (“Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy” S10E10)
244. “Make Love to You Even When I’m Dead” (“Pinkeye” S1E7)
245. “Loving You” (“Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride” S1E4)
246. “Welcome Friends to Canada” (“It’s Christmas in Canada” S7E15)
247. “Now You’re a Man” (“Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride” S1E4)
248. “The Star Spangled Banner” (“Cartman Finds Love” S16E7)
249. “O Canada” (“Terrance and Phillip in Not Without My Anus” S2E1)
250. “Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s Gone)” (“Raisins” S7E14)
251. “All Out of Love” (“Raisins” S7E14)
252. “Are You Ready for the Summer?” (“Crippled Summer” S14E7)
253. “Our Love Grows” (“Jewpacabra” S16E4)
254. “The Morning After” (“The Succubus” S3E3)
255. “If My Friends Could See Me Now” (“Weight Gain 4000” S1E2)
256. “California Loves the Homeless” (“Night of the Living Homeless” S11E7)
257. “The Imperial March” (“Obama Wins!” S16E14)
258. “Party Rock Anthem” (“City Sushi” S15E6)
259. “Don’t Stop Believin’” (“Tsst” S10E7)
260. “Radar Rider” (“Major Boobage” S12E3)
261. “Heavy Metal (Takin’ a Ride)” (“Major Boobage” S12E3)
262. “Heavy Metal” (“Major Boobage” S12E3)
263. “French Canada” (“It’s Christmas in Canada” (S7E15)
264. “We Will Rock You” (“Elementary School Musical” S12E13)
265. “Rock and Roll (Part 2)” (“Elementary School Musical” S12E13)
266. “Conjoined Twin Song” (“Conjoined Fetus Lady” S2E5)
267. “The Four Seasons: Spring” (“Pip” S4E14)
268. “Super Fun Time” (“Super Fun Time” S12E7)
269. “I Can See Clearly Now” (“Chef’s Chocolate Salty Balls” S2E9)
270. “Up Where We Belong” (“Erection Day” S9E7)
271. “It Happened in Sun Valley” (“Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics” S3E15 — Album Only)
272. “Time of the Season” (“201” S14E6 / “The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka” S2E6)
273. “Celebration” (“Canada on Strike” S12E4)
274. “Numa Numa” (“Canada on Strike” S12E4)
275. “Chocolate Rain” (“Canada on Strike” S12E4)
276. “If You Leave Me Now” (“AWESOM-O” S8E5 / “Casa Bonita” S7E11)
277. “Turn on Your Heartlight” (“Ass Burgers” S15E8)
278. “Santa Claus Is on His Way” (“Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo” S1E9)
279. “La Grange” (“Poor and Stupid” S14E8)
280. “Too Fat to Polka” (“Cripple Fight” S5E2)
281. “Faith” (“Coon vs. Coon & Friends” S14E13)
282. “Clair de Lune” (“About Last Night…” S12E12)
283. “Believe” (“Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub” S3E8)
284. “I Remember When We Fell in Love” (“Tom’s Rhinoplasty” S1E11)
285. “Maniac” (“Jewpacabra” S16E4)
286. “Japanese Prison Blues” (“Whale Whores” S13E11)
287. “Cars” (“Pandemic 2: The Startling” S12E11)
288. “Gonna Fly” (“A Scause for Applause” S16 E13 / “Death” S1E6)
289. “Living in America” (“Let Go, Let Gov” S17E1 / “Raisins” S7E14)
290. “Stars and Stripes Forever” (“Summer Sucks” S2E8 / “Free Hat” S6E9)
291. “Songs from Wicked” (“Broadway Bro Down” S15E11)
292. “Cartman’s Buck Rogers Theme” (“Go God Go XII” S10E13)
293. “You and Me, Girl” (“Spontaneous Combustion” S3E2)
294. “Five Steps” (“Crippled Summer” S14E7)
295. “Take on Me” (“Asspen” S6E2)
296. “The Sign” (“Prehistoric Ice Man” S2E18)
297. “Runaway, Come Home” (“City on the Edge of Forever (Flashbacks)” S2E7)
298. “I Ate My Son Fer a Blu-Ray Player” (“Titties and Dragons” S17E9)
299. “Ave Satani” (“Damien” S1E10 / “Woodland Critter Christmas” S8E14 / “Tsst” S10E7 / “Britney’s New Look” S12E2)
300. “Celebrate Good Obama” (“About Last Night…” S12E12)
301. “Waiting on a Woman” (“Cartman’s Mom Is a Dirty Slut” S1E13)
302. “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” (“Pinkeye” S1E7)
303. “Bennigan’s Theme Song” (“Butters’ Very Own Episode” S5E14)
304. “Fernando” (“Wing” S9E3)
305. “Dancing Queen” (“Wing” S9E3)
306. “Sing” (“Wing” S9E3)
307. “Canon in D” (“Cartman’s  Mom Is a Dirty Slut” S1E13)
308. “Easter Parade” (“Fantastic Easter Special!” S11E5)
309. “He Is Risen” (“Fantastic Easter Special!” S11E5)
310. “Signs” (“Die, Hippie, Die” S9E2)
311. “Come to My Window” (“D-Yikes!” S11E6)
312. “I Ate Chewbacca” (“Starvin’ Marvin in Space” S3E13)
313. “You’ll Never Find Another Love Like Mine” (“Wing” S9E3)
314. “Rebecca’s Song” (“Hooked on Monkey Fonics” S3E12)
315. “Who Let the Dogs Out?” (“About Last Night…” S12E12 / “Wing” S9E3)
316. “Dodgeball Song” (“Conjoined Fetus Lady” S2E5)
317. “Burn Down Hot Topic” (“The Ungroundable” S12E14)
318. “Peruvian Pan Flute Music” (“Pandemic” S12E10)
319. “Mary Had a Little Lamb” (“Pandemic” S12E10)
320. “I’m a Believer” (“Chickenpox” S2E10)
321. “The Heat Is On” (“Taming Strange” S17E5)
322. “All Night Long” (“Taming Strange” S17E5)
323. “Seven” (“Goth Kids 3: Dawn of the Posers” S17E4)
324. “The Darkness” (“Goth Kids 3: Dawn of the Posers” S17E4)
325. “Movin’ on Up” (“Woodland Critter Christmas” S8E14)
326. “Help Me” (“Cartman Sucks” S11E2)
327. “Oh Yeah” (“Hell on Earth 2006” S10E11)
328. “This Is It” (“Follow That Egg!” S910)
329. “Happy Anniversary from Everyone at Bennigan’s” (“Butters’ Very Own Episode” S5E14)
330. “Happy, Happy, Happy” (“Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo” S1E9)
331. “Happy Holiday” (“Merry Christmas, Charlie Manson!” S2E16)
332. “YMCA” (“Raisins” S7E14)
333. “Home School Miracle” (“Hooked on Monkey Phonics” S3E12)
334. “Over the River and Through the Woods” (“Merry Christmas, Charlie Manson!” S2E16)
335. “Seasons Change” (“Cartman’s Incredible Gift” S8E13)
336. “I’m Going Back to Cali” (“Hell on Earth 2006” S10E11)
337. “Cartman’s Quest Theme” (“Imaginationland Pt. I” S11E10)
338. “This World O’ Mine” (“Die, Hippie, Die” S9E2)
339. “Talent Shows Are for Fags” (“Erection Day” S9E7)
340. “There You Are!” (“Cartman’s Mom Is a Dirty Slut” S1E13)
341. “Jeffy’s Song” (“You Got F’d in the A” S8E4)
342. “Greensleeves” (“It’s Christmas in Canada” S7E15)
343. “Ave Maria” (“Cartman’s Mom Is Still a Dirty Slut” S2E2)
344. “Silver Bells” (“Korn’s Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery” S3E10)
345. “Sleigh Ride” (“Korn’s Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery” (S3E10)
346. “Jimmie Cracked Corn” (“Spookyfish” S2E15)
347. “The Yankee Doodle Boy” (“Erection Day” S9E7)
348. “Jingle Bell Rock” (“Butters’ Very Own Episode” S5E14)
349. “I Like to Brush My Teeth” (“AWESOM-O S8E5)
350. “Piece of Meat” (“Clubhouses” S2E12)
351. “Kumbaya” (“Volcano” S1E3)
352. “Camptown Races” (“The Hobbit” S17 E10)
353. “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” (“Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo” S1E9)
354. “Bingo” (Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods” S2E11)
355. “Itsy Bitsy Spider” (“Something You Can Do with Your Finger” S4E8)
356. “Little Green Frog” (“I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining” S16E6)
357. “Hava Nagila” (“Ike’s Wee Wee” S2E4)
358. “I See a Lady Bug” (“The Losing Edge” S9E5)
359. “Christmas Is Coming” (“Black Friday” S17E7)

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