El-P and Killer Mike recently sat down with The AV Club for what has to be the greatest interview they’ve ever given as Run the Jewels. They don’t discuss their incredible new album Run the Jewels 2, nor the sure-to-be-equally incredible forthcoming redux Meow the Jewels. Instead, the rappers and reporter Eric Thurm spend the entire time discussing Steven Seagal.
Turns out El-P is a bit of a super fan. He says he owns Seagal’s two records, 2005’s Songs from the Crystal Cave and 2006’s Mojo Priest. He’s also got two cans of his Lightning Bolt energy drinks. Lord knows he’s probably got all the DVDs. Throughout most of the interview, El-P does a damn fine job proving his thesis that Seagal is “an action hero that’s actually a villain,” but then there’s this little bit about the 1991 movie Out for Justice:
El-P: The most classic shit about that movie was—and I actually wrote a piece of fan fiction about this.
El-P: Yeah, I did. I wrote a piece of fan fiction from the perspective of Sticks, who if you remember, when he went into the bar…
AVC: The guy with the pool cues.
El-P: That’s right. And they were like, “Sticks!” I mean, the whole phenomenon of some Asian dude who’s a ninja who uses pool cues so much that they call him Sticks, that he’s just on call for any time there’s ever any beef, and this guy just waits around all day long and doesn’t do anything until someone comes in like Steven Seagal, and then they say “Sticks!” and he has to fight Steven Seagal.”
Yes, El-P is that kind of fan. After the interview was published, he used his Tumblr to prove it by releasing a snippet of his Sticks fan fiction:
A desperate, sad cough rings out from the floor. Stix lies on his back in a pool of teeth and blood.
“SOMEONE CALL 911. PLEASE. I’M HURT. I’M REALLY BADLY HURT. CALL MY WIFE.”
Rehab was an intense thirteen-month program and there were times in which he almost cracked under the strain. I visited him, once, right after he was admitted. He was asleep. The clicking and whirring of machines filled the room.
Someone needs to launch a Kickstarter to get him to release this full thing. If fans can get Meow the Jewels funded, certainly this is doable. Head to A.V. Club to read the amazing interview in its entirety and gain a new appreciation for Seagal. Below, watch the scene that sparked El-P’s creative storytelling.