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10 Fake Movie Bands We Want To Tour

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10. The Lone Rangers

Airheads (1994)

airheads 600 10 Fake Movie Bands We Want To Tour

Listen up, guppies. Legendary LA disc jockey Ian the Shark, formerly of KPPX (Rebel Radio, not The Rain), is back and does he have a surprise for you! Palatine Records artist The Lone Rangers (wait, can you pluralize that?) — the biggest arena rock band in the world — are returning to their penitentiary roots for a run of exclusive, inmate-only prison dates.

“You’ll want to go out and get arrested,” says Palatine executive Jimmie “Super Duper” Wing, “just so you can tell people that you were there.”

You may recall that singer/guitarist Chester “Chazz Darvey” Ogilvie and sibling rhythm section Oedipus Rex (bass) and Pip (drums) crashed the scene in the mid-’90s when they broke into the KPPX radio station and took hostages, demanding at toy gunpoint that the demo for their eventual multi-platinum single, “Degenerated”, be played on air. Not only did that chaotic night reveal that Lemmy was editor of his school magazine, but it also directly led to a three-month prison stint for the band, which they parlayed into their triple-platinum debut, Live in Prison.

“Look, we ain’t pulling pud,” says Darvey. “Prison was the most rock-and-roll time of our lives. The conjugal visits from Kayla and Suzzi (with two Z’s) were great; I penned the hits “Generated” and “Regenerated” for Kayla in my bunk; and Pip inadvertently started a prison riot when he tried to sit at the black lunch table and talk hip-hop.”

“Yeah, prison was great,” adds Rex. “I got to call the warden a dicksmoke, half a butt puppet, and Rudolph Redpecker — and that was just on the first day. Frankly, I was willing to actually get arrested again, but we have people for that now.”

His brother is no less enthusiastic. “Playing the penal circuit again is a soggy dream come true,” says Pip. “They may even let me fart on a snare drum for an encore.”

Ian the Shark, now the band’s manager, promises set lists of 10-12 songs, possibly 14 or 15 with good behavior, and a rocking reminder that “if it’s too loud, you’re too old.”

Bea Arthur. Outstanding.

The Lone Rangers 2016 Tour Dates:
09/15 – Queens, NY @ Rikers Island ^
09/16 – Ossining, NY @ Sing, Sing ^
09/17 – Attica, NY @ Attica Correctional Facility ^
09/20 – Leavenworth, KS @ Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary ^
09/22 – Folsom, CA @ Folsom State Prison ^
09/23 – Attica, NY @ Attica Correctional Facility ^
09/24 – Marin County, CA @ San Quentin State Prison ^

^ = w/ Sons of Thunder

–Matt Melis


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