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Jesus Fucking Christ, Vin Diesel is xXxtreme in trailer for xXx: Return of Xander Cage — watch

on July 19, 2016, 6:38pm
 

One of the benefits of being a teenage cinephile in the early aughts was having to sit through wonderful action films like Vin Diesel’s 2002 summer blockbuster, xXx. A film so awesome the Fast and Furious star decided to skip out on its 2005 sequel, leaving the hefty paycheck for Ice Cube.

Well, now he’s back to collect in xXx: Return of Xander Cage, an SEO-friendly title that lacks any subtlety yet also assumes everyone remembers Diesel’s name. Why they didn’t just call it xXx: Vin Diesel vs. The X-Games is beyond me, but that’s why I’m here in Chicago and not in Tinseltown.

Judging from the trailer, the next installment packs in everything you might expect from this series … though, maybe not. After all, did you ever expect the human action figure to use a high-powered skateboard to launch into a truck? How about a pair of skis in what looks like a jungle setting?

“I can definitely make that work,” Diesel says with his billion-dollar smile. Whether or not you believe him, it doesn’t matter because the film’s coming out January 20, 2017, and you’re probably going to somehow float into the theater with a big dump truck of popcorn and a trough of soda.

But hey, at least Samuel L. Jackson will be with you.

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