Blah, blah, blah, there’s a new Fifty Shades of Grey movie, coming out way past its prime. Blah, blah, blah, it’s still wasting the talents of Dakota Fanning and Jamie Dornan. Blah, blah, blah, now it’s going to rope in Bella Heathcote, Hugh Dancy, Kim Basinger, Eric Johnson, even Glengarry Glen Ross director James Foley.
Here’s the official synopsis (because if you’re reading this, you totally haven’t read the books):
“Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson return as Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele in Fifty Shades Darker, the second chapter based on the worldwide bestselling Fifty Shades phenomenon. Expanding upon events set in motion in 2015’s blockbuster film that grossed more than $560 million globally, the new installment arrives for Valentine’s Day and invites you to slip into something a shade darker.
When a wounded Christian Grey tries to entice a cautious Ana Steele back into his life, she demands a new arrangement before she will give him another chance. As the two begin to build trust and find stability, shadowy figures from Christian’s past start to circle the couple, determined to destroy their hopes for a future together.”
Watch the trailer above, ignore Miguel’s idiotic cover of Beyoncé’s “Crazy in Love”, and then make sure to give your money to this thoughtless trash/Twilight fan-fiction on February 10th, 2017. Excuse me, I’m going to dive into a bottle of Advil.