Episode MVP: Eric “Babe” Cartman. We’re not bad. We’re good witches, honest. But we like our Cartman like we like our Dr., Resident, and Dead: Evil. And “Hansel’s” trip into the witch-infested forest sets a new bar for wickedness. Then again, “Gretel” totally had it coming for making him miss the petting zoo and bouncy house, right? Who needs to pee like 40 times, anyway?
Best Moment: If you thought Stan and Wendy’s Raggedy Ann and Andy costumes were adorable, wait until you see Cartman and Heidi’s Hansel and Gretel. Then wait until you see just Heidi’s Gretel. Then wait until you see the witch arrive in the dark, spooky forest with Hansel hiding behind a log eagerly anticipating Gretel’s demise. Flashbacks to “the German Dance” aside, there’s something about German culture — Hitler, lederhosen — that brings out the absolute wickedest side of Cartman … and the most enthusiasm.
The Quotable South Park: We know not to blame victims, but does that still follow when Cartman meticulously plots to lure the predator? As the officer on duty says, and immediately regrets: “If there’s a big, fat witch around, maybe you shouldn’t walk through the woods dressed as Hansel and Gretel.” Dude!
Song of the South Park: These witches know how to party like it’s the 1980s: crack, Bow Wow Wow, and even some Wang Chung. But no matter how much they want to have fun tonight, you can tell these witches want “candy” even more. Sup, witches!?!? Actually, if we have to choose one moment, we’ll take the ring-around-the-fire chant:
Put a spell on our bosses
Put a spell on our wives
A hex on the Patriots and fuck up their lives
And screw the Raiders, too!
Oh, My God! They Spared Kenny: In an episode where a witch is kidnapping children left and right, Kenny was a long shot to survive the show. Sometimes those long shots do come in, though.
I Learned Something Today: Although we got to see Mr. Garrison briefly return, his role as Giant Douche feels more and more like a pair of handcuffs on Parker and Stone, who don’t want to spend much effort on Trump but also have one of their all-time great characters locked into a four-year role. It might actually take impeachment to get our beloved Mr. Garrison back in the classroom where he belongs (but not as a teacher or anything like that).
Garrison’s Grade Book: C