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Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

on March 23, 2018, 11:30am
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125. Bookstore Employee

Dipak Pallana, Bottle Rocket

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As the hapless bookstore employee who’s subject to Anthony and Dignan’s first honest-to-goodness robbery, Dipak Pallana is nothing if not confused. “Why do you have that tape on your nose?” he asks as Dignan and Bob bafflingly “cacaw!” at each other. He’s a fine foil to the mishaps of our protagonists. –Randall Colburn


124. Nathan Bunce

Hugo Guinness, Fantastic Mr. Fox

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Look at the little guy! Wading, struggling to float in the shallow end of a pool. Bunce was a croney for Bean, but it didn’t make him any less villainous and creepy. –Blake Goble


123. H. Clay Murchison

Brian Tenenbaum, Bottle Rocket

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Just being in proximity to Future Man, Bottle Rocket’s resident bully, will bump you up a few slots on this list. H. Clay Murchison is nothing more than a lackey with a douchebag rich kid name, but he serves an important purpose: to be the exact kind of person Luke Wilson’s Anthony never wants to become. –Randall Colburn


122. The Mechanic

Barbet Schroeder, The Darjeeling Limited

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Barbet, mother-flappin’ Schroeder, in a glorified cameo? Nice, nice, nice. Perhaps this was a plea to viewers to check out Schroeder’s work. Like, go out and watch Reversal of Fortune right this second! –Blake Goble


121. Vikram Ray

Waris Ahluwalia, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

134 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

Vikram may not say much, but as Team Zissou’s primary cinematographer, it’s up to him to make sure the camera never stops rolling, no matter how bad things get. –Dominick Suzanne-Mayer


120. Prisoner Wolf

Karl Markovics, The Grand Budapest Hotel

Prisoner Wolf

Actor Karl Markovics has the perfect mug to play one of the rogues Gustave meets (and befriends) in a Zubrowska internment camp. But he gets marked down because his name is Wolf and never transforms into the lupine creature from Fantastic Mr. Fox. What was Wes Anderson thinking? –Dan Caffrey


119. Daniel Peabody

Brian Cox, Fantastic Mr. Fox

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This field reporter’s face looks almost identical to the fire chief’s. Are they twins, perhaps? If so, Daniel’s clearly the more likable of the two, a consummate professional who actually enjoys what he does for a living. I’ll bet he’s Mummy and Daddy’s favorite to boot! –Dan Caffrey


118. M. Dino

Waris Ahluwalia, The Grand Budapest Hotel

112 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

In terms of abandoning emergencies to help a fellow member of the Keys, M. Dino ranks right behind M. Robin. He may stop fighting the fire, but at least he doesn’t pause in the middle of CPR. Oh, and his costume is fabulous. –Allison Shoemaker


117. Mr. Beaver’s Son

Jeremy Dawson, Fantastic Mr. Fox

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Because he has a decent amount of lines and gets his jollies from picking on Ash Fox, the Beav stands out from many of the other critters. But as far as Wes Anderson bullies go, he’s got nothing on Rushmore’s Magnus Buchan. –Dan Caffrey


116. M. Robin

Fisher Stevens, The Grand Budapest Hotel

951 e1456089924747 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

M. Robin is another concierge, most notable for passing off CPR duties in order to get to the phone and help Gustave. Luckily, all lobby boys are well-trained in health and safety. –Allison Shoemaker


115. The Wolf

Fantastic Mr. Fox

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All that talk from Mr. Fox about having a “phobia” of wolves, and then out of nowhere, The Wolf appears, and Mr. Fox fawns. Is there anything cooler than the four-legged beauty giving a power fist? –Blake Goble


114. Deluca

Rob H. Campbell, Moonrise Kingdom

Rob H. Campbell, Moonrise Kingdom

In case you were wondering which kid’s Deluca, he’s the one with the giant fucking bowie knife who tells Suzy that Sam’s crazy. Pot, kettle. –Allison Shoemaker


113. Walter Boggis

Robin Hurlstone, Fantastic Mr. Fox

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One of the film’s three vicious farmers, Boggis is the one who somehow manages to eat a full-portioned chicken for every square meal. Astounding. –Dominick Suzanne-Mayer


112. Stacy Sinclair

Jenni Tooley, Bottle Rocket

stacy Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

Bless her heart, but Stacy is something of a ditz. She’s ostensibly one of Future Man’s crew, but she finds herself much more interested in Anthony’s laconic existentialism. “You’re really complicated, aren’t you?” she asks, as if that were the biggest novelty in the world. –Randall Colburn


111. Nelson Squirrel

Roman Coppola, Fantastic Mr. Fox

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As the contractor in charge of the renovations on the Foxes’ home, this is one critter with a passion for hard work, a good attitude, and a job well done. His role may be minor, but he makes sure you respect him, even if you can’t quite remember him. –Dan Caffrey


110. M. Georges

Wallace Wolodarsky, The Grand Budapest Hotel

wolodarsky grand budapest Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

M. Georges gets right down to business, which is great for the Society of the Crossed Keys, but bad for people who are ranking Anderson characters. Here’s what we know of him: he’s “got it.” –Allison Shoemaker


109. Clotilde

Lea Seydoux, The Grand Budapest Hotel

120 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

Anytime Léa Seydoux is on screen, she glows. Perhaps one day Anderson will write her a role more interesting than this one. Until then, if you want to see what she’s capable of, watch basically anything else she’s in. –Allison Shoemaker


108. Petey

Jarvis Cocker, Fantastic Mr. Fox

Jarvis Cocker, Fantastic Mr. Fox

Alt-rock singer/songwriter Jarvis Cocker doesn’t get a huge role in The Fantastic Mr. Fox, but he still gets to sing a charming little ditty about the titular critter, complete with Claymation jugband. Of course, his yarn is cut off by Boggis, who was listening the whole time. Don’t worry Petey: we rather liked it. –Clint Worthington


107. Applejack

Jim Ponds, Bottle Rocket

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Poor Applejack. Despite being the most experienced of Abe Henry’s goons, he was also the only one to take a bullet during Dignan’s ill-fated heist. Dignan made him a belt buckle in prison; however, so that probably helped soothe his wounds. –Randall Colburn


106. Rickity

Adrien Brody, Fantastic Mr. Fox

55 Ranking: Every Wes Anderson Character From Worst to Best

The great joke of Rickity is his voice. Here comes this eager pipsqueak, and he’s got the voice of Adrien Brody mimicking a chain-smoking pipe-fitter. –Blake Goble


105. Ronny and Donny Blume

Ronnie and Keith McCawley, Rushmore

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Everybody hates their kids sometimes. It’s one of those things we all know but politely disregard because of blood ties. But if your kids were Ronnie and Donnie, you might go off the high dive, too. –Dominick Suzanne-Mayer


104. The Father

Irrfan Khan, The Darjeeling Limited

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Irrfan Khan is an Indian film actor with an impressive resume in Hindi, British, and Hollywood cinema. As the father of a deceased young Indian boy, Khan’s role here mainly circles around his culture’s funeral practices and the toll they take on his well-being. In a movie about the grief sons feel for their father, his mourning of his son serves as a necessary counterpoint. –Randall Colburn


103. Prisoner Pinky

Florian Lukas, The Grand Budapest Hotel

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Pink Bandisnki inspired the following Gustave H. monologue, and we can’t thank him enough for that: “What happened, my dear Zero, is I beat the living shit out of a sniveling little runt called Pinky Bandinski, who had the gall to question my virility. Because, if there’s one thing we’ve learned from penny dreadfuls, it’s that when you find yourself in a place like this, you must never be a candy ass; you’ve got to prove yourself from day one. You’ve got to win their respect. You should take a long look at his ugly mug this morning.” –Blake Goble


102. Vladimir Wolodarsky

Noah Taylor, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

Noah Taylor, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

Noah Taylor, you know we love you. But as documentary score composer Vladimir Wolodarsky, your original music pales in comparison to Seu Jorge’s David Bowie covers. Sorry! –Dan Caffrey


101. Rocky

Donny Caicedo, Bottle Rocket

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Rocky’s a sweet kid, but damn if his poor translation skills don’t cause Anthony a helluva lot of heartache. –Randall Colburn


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