The Top 50 North American Pro Wrestling Entrance Themes, Ranked

on April 08, 2018, 1:00pm
view all

Happy WrestleMania 34 day, folks! As you gather to celebrate the biggest pro wrestling event of the year in the United States, and gird yourself for what’s rapidly becoming an all-day marathon of WWE’s best and brightest, the mind often wanders to the pageantry of the show. WM has been one of the industry’s biggest events for decades, and remains among its very greatest in the world, and the spectacle that the show has consistently offered over the years is one of its highlights.

You can’t have a great spectacle without some great entrance music, and in that spirit, a few members of the CoS staff have come together to rank our favorite entrance themes. Longtime readers will recall that there was previously a themes ranking on this site, courtesy of Ernest Wilkins, but we decided to change things up for this year’s occasion. We’ve banned all pre-existing songs, unless they were recorded for a specific talent, so sayonara, “Cult of Personality” and “Enter Sandman”. We’re also relegating this to North America only, so please keep that in mind when you come to yell at us about the lack of Kazuchika Okada and Tetsuya Naito on here.

So sit back, come along with us, and reminisce about some of the greatest entrance music to ever grace wrestling stages throughout this fine nation. Of domination. (That one’s not on here, though, sorry about that.)

–Dominick Suzanne-Mayer
Film Editor

__________________________________________________________

50. American Males (WCW)

Jimmy Hart & Howard Helm – “American Males

Buff Bagwell and Scotty Riggs debuted as WCW’s suspender-sporting American Males in 1995, but their synth-heavy, impossibly cheesy theme song sounds plucked from a bargain bin ‘80s beach comedy. That said, it was absolutely perfect for these chiseled, self-obsessed dumbos, who probably wrote the nonsensical lyrics: “If they wanna talk to you, you better not listen/You might wind up in critical condition/Ha-ha, American Males!” Oh, dear. — Randall Colburn
__________________________________________________________

49. Mr. Ass (WWF)

Jim Johnston – “Ass Man”

Alright, so. If we’re operating on the idea that the purpose of a great wrestling theme is to introduce you to who the entrant is and what they’re about, “Mr. Ass” is a deeply confusing song. Sure, it’s hardly the first theme to denote that the wrestler walking out does in fact fuck, and it won’t be the last. But it’s oddly descriptive in this respect, for Billy Gunn clearly found it necessary to establish on the way to the ring that he loves, shoves, picks, sticks, kicks, flaunts, and watches asses, before he then presumably competes for the Intercontinental Title. Odd stuff. — Dominick Suzanne-Mayer
__________________________________________________________

48. ECW Theme (ECW)

Harry Slash and the Slashtones – “This is Extreme!”

For a certain subset of wrestling fans, “This is Extreme” was the thing you waited to hear on late-night local access television, back in the pre-TNN days when ECW was struggling to get televised in major markets. But the second you heard those stoned, psychadelic riffs, you knew you were about to see a motherfucker get his face cut up with glass in a Taipei Death Match, or some such material. — Dominick Suzanne-Mayer
__________________________________________________________

47. Mark Henry (WWF)

Jim Johnston – “Sexual Chocolate”

Aside from his glorious 2011 run, Mark Henry more or less floated through the WWE, ever oscillating between half-hearted pushes, comedy angles, and trips back to developmental. One of his more inspired bits, oddly enough, found him embracing his sexual side and shacking up with an octogenarian. The cherry on that strange sundae was this theme song, which evokes the sensual ‘70s R&B of Marvin Gaye and Al Green. — Randall Colburn
__________________________________________________________

46. Too Cool (WWF)

Jim Johnston – “You Look Fly Today”

Too Cool is the laziest of lazy ideas. Gather up two white boys, name them Grandmaster Sexay and Scotty 2 Hotty, and have them dorkily appropriate hip-hop? It was supposed to be a gag, but Brian Christopher and Scott Taylor’s chemistry was undeniable, and it led them to winning the tag titles and putting one of the most memorable moments in Royal Rumble history. Their theme is as lazy as their gimmick, with a boilerplate beat and some ’90s-era squiggles but, by sheer enthusiasm, the performers were able to spin as much gold from it as they did their gimmick. That dancing was never not delightful. — Randall Colburn
__________________________________________________________

view all
2 comments