Halloween is a cold-weather holiday when the nation’s college youth refuse to wear pants, as if risking hypothermia were the only way to get laid. Some prefer the harmless old standards, like sexy cats and devils — but there is also a great darkness in this season, too. In the age of the Internet, there is a grotesque hunger for new abominations. There is nothing so wholesome, so good, so pure, that the Internet cannot corrupt it. And so we give you the sexy Mister Rogers costume.
Behold the repressed Freudian nightmare that is lingerie retailer Yandy’s “Nicest Neighbor”:
There he stands, the comfort of your childhood, Fred Rogers, with camel toe. The costume comes with a high collar and plunging neckline, to better draw attention to your television grandfather’s breasts.
Why would anyone do such a thing? Who stands to gain, except perhaps the nation’s psychiatrists?
The answer is lingerie and costume company Yandy. Last year, Yandy astonished the Internet with their sexy Handmaid from The Handmaid’s Tale. The outcry was swift and brutal, and Yandy quickly yanked “Hot Red Ma” from the shelves. But that did nothing to vanquish the evil, and the evil has returned with a new fall collection.
Some of the other new costumes are less horrifying, in part because they’re so badly conceived. The “Sexy Tariff” dress is supposed to court controversy around Trump’s trade wars, but it’s just a dollar-bill pattern stamped with the word “Tariff.” If that single entendre wasn’t enough, perhaps you’d like a hamburger dress with a hat that says “Plant based?” That’s right, Yandy has two different looks that require writing explaining themselves. One final unhappy little accident is the Bob Ross costume, which has more material in the afro than the rest of the outfit combined.
Prices start at $36.95 and go up from there, with the Nicest Neighbor retailing at $59.95. There are also lots of the essential props, like hand puppets and a grey wig, packaged separately as extras. Save the children and your childhood by maybe going for a different look this October 31st.