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Today Is the Last Day to Apply to Be an Astronaut, Escape This Miserable Hellhole

on March 31, 2020, 5:25pm

Today is your last chance to apply to be an astronaut, and either fulfill a lifelong dream, or just get the fuck off this planet for a while.

NASA is scouting for its Artemis program, which aims to land the first woman and next man on the moon. It’s been four long years since they last hired new astronauts, and there’s no telling when they’ll be doing it again. So whether you grew up admiring the stars, or just need to float in an endless void for a bit, you only have until 11:59 ET tonight to make that happen.

Job seekers should be US citizens with a Masters or PhD in a STEM field. You should also have either two years in an astronaut-related profession or 1,000 hours of jet pilot experience. Without that on your resume, your application will be for ‘naut.


If you happen to be selected, you might be traveling a bit farther than the moon. According to NASA Administrator Jim Bridenstine, the next stop is the sweet, human-free wastelands of Mars. In a statement, he said,

“America is closer than any other time in history since the Apollo program to returning astronauts to the Moon. We will send the first woman and next man to the lunar South Pole by 2024, and we need more astronauts to follow suit on the Moon, and then Mars. We’re looking for talented men and women from diverse backgrounds and every walk of life to join us in this new era of human exploration that begins with the Artemis program to the Moon. If you have always dreamed of being an astronaut, apply now.”

Applications are open for a few more hours.

If you do end up going to space, you could perhaps arrange a visit to Lil Bub’s ashes.

Last fall, Dev Hynes of Blood Orange created a score using the NASA sounds library.