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Lindsay Lohan Threatens Captive Populace With New Song

on March 31, 2020, 7:20pm

It’s been 12 years since Lindsay Lohan last darkened our eardrums with the non-album single “Bossy”. That’s 12 glorious years without her diet-Britney nasal whine and her awful, single-entendre lyrics — lyrics that always came off like the rambling diary of an unusually dense middle-schooler. Now, while we’re all being held captive by a pandemic, the plastic surgery enthusiast is putting the “lips” in apocalypse, threatening to unleash a new original song on the world’s vulnerable populace.

Lohan teased the unnamed single on social media, along with the menacing words, “I’m back!” The former teen idol shared a short video clip showing static-filled televisions. Ominous voices repeat “Lindsay Lohan” over and over again, while a distorted pop song plays in the background. “I’m back,” she confirms at the end, and truthfully, she doesn’t sound much more excited about it than we are.

Check out the teaser below, and pre-save the song if you’d like.


Lohan is currently starring on Lindsay Lohan’s Beach House, an MTV reality-show about her branded resort in Mykonos, Greece. Last year she made her return to the big screen in the vampire-werewolf thriller Among the Shadows. In 2018, she was punched in the face when she tried to kidnap some homeless children.

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